Just had a MC, what now, when to start again and how long did it take you?

[KitchenWeasel]

Hi, had a miscarriage today at 5+3.

I already have a DD and this is my first MC.

I had a bad feeling right from my BFP that something was going to go wrong, not quite sure why, but I was right

I'm trying to keep upbeat, and DH is very matter of fact, so trying to get down to the technicalities of what to do now.
I have an early scan due to bleeding next week, although I think it's quite pointless as I have seen the foetus pass sorry maybe TMI.
Would you still go to the scan to make sure everything is okay?

A few questions...
Is this classified as my AF and CD1?
How long do we have to wait or will my cycles just go back to normal?
How long did it take you after MC to get a BFP?

Sorry for bluntness, just trying to keep head above water and not sob into my tea.

[cartoontrickster]

hi kitchen firstly I hope your ok and as well as you can be. I would definitely go to that scan just incase you have retained anything (sorry) because that could cause you problems.
I have had 3 mcs but only one natural the other 2 were missed ones so I had erpcs.
I have both waited and got straight back on the horse as it were.
as far as I've been told there are two reasons to wait one of which Is
too make sure your mentally ready the other is for your cycles to regulate do you can be sure of dates...but hey that's what scans are for.
I've never gotten pregnant straight after (before one period) but done it on the second. I've heard your more fertile straight after. perhaps opk to help you if you don't want to wait. as you were quite early I doubt your cycle will be too messed up, I'm sure someone will be along to correct me on that if I'm wrong.

[Forester]

HI Kitchen - sorry for your loss . I've recently had a second missed MC so I can symphathise with how you are feeling.

Like Cartoon I had ERPC both times so not sure if it's different if you have a natural MC. But for me it took a couple of months before my period started again and I wanted to have a cycle without TTC. For me I wanted to be confident that everything was cleared out - but that was just my view and I don't think necessary from a medical point of view. I then fell PG two cycles after that. A MC does seem to impact your fertility because we'd been trying for two years for No 2 before I got pregnant (ending in the first MC).

I also think it's a good idea to have the scan. Though prepare yourself for being in a room of pregnant women.

Good luck for next time.

[KitchenWeasel]

Hi cartoon, sorry about your losses too.

I feel that I just want to get back into the swing of things, as I'm sure you do/did too.
I didn't realise I would be more fertile now, that's good though

I suppose it's something that you just expect won't happen to you- although I did feel very anxious abou this pg from day one.

My cycles are quite long and crazy anyways but my ovulation is very obvious to me which is good.

[KitchenWeasel]

Forester- thanks for your reply, sorry for your recent mc too

I think I will have the scan, should I call the doctor tomorrow and update him or just tell the sonographer?
I didn't even think about the pregnant woman

[dirtyface]

hi OP

i am so sorry for your loss

i had a MMC end of april and am now 8+6, got pregnant in july (i think??) second month of ttc. had early scan at 7+2 and heartbeat detected and growth ok etc but am terrified something will still go wrong with this one as well :/

we were told to not ttc for 2 months, but tbh we only waited one

but in the meantime, look after yourself x

[PigStack]

I mc'd at 9 wks but was due apr 20th 2010. I had a baby March 20th 2011. Eleven months later but actually I suppose that means it took me 9-ish months to get pg - I had help too, can't remember the medicine now but it worked (metformin?). We had decided to give up when I got pg. You may have heard this already but I was told it would get better after my due date and I found that it did though I always think of that child whenever I see a 3.5 year old now - that is how big my baby would've been.
Sympathy and courage. My elderly aunt in law used to say Babies come when it is their time and while that used to make me despair I also used to find myself saying it - if I had known then that I would have this wonderful little boy at some stage no matter how long the wait then I'd have chilled out. I hope it will be the same story for you: that your baby is waiting in the wings for the right time too.

[kittykatsforever]

Hi kitchen, like others I am sorry for your loss
I have had 2 mc's one after dd1 before af returned ( I was bf) at I guess 7/8wks not sure though and natural, I got told to wait one af and try again and got pregnant straight away again after that but the sadly mc again at about 5 wks. I didn't wait then as was desperate and clearly waiting the other time didn't make a difference and got pregnant straight away and now have lovely dd2, it sounds like I'm very fertile but actually took 18+ months to get pregnant with dd1 so it was a shock to me I was able to get pregnant so easily and frequently, I'm not sure if it was the mc that made me more fertile or pregnancy but something worked! Posted as I thought you might like a positive story from someone who hasn't waited and had a good outcome

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Hi kitchen so sorry for your loss. I had a MC August 12th and can understand your desire to be practical, but do gve yourself permission to sob in your tea occasionally.

We had been TTC for 2 years, so were under the fertility unit, which made some elements of the MC easier to manage. Do have a scan. If only to confirm that everything has passed. I was able to have a scan in the fertility unit. It showed a complete MC and, whilst it was v depressing to see the completely empty womb where 1 week earlier we'd seen a little foetus and a strong heartbeat, it was helpful to have it confirmed as complete.

We were told we could start TTC whenever we felt ready. I was going to wait until after my first period, but I used OPKs to detect ovulation and figured at that point I was starting to get back to normal so we could try again. However, we weren't really trying that hard (just DTD a couple of times before and after ovulation) and I have since had my first post MC period. It was v heavy and I felt that I was being thoroughly flushed out. I think had I got a BFP before having a period, I would have been worried about anything left over from the MC (my scan showed a bulky lining, and lots of that came out during that first period) maybe getting in the way of the new pregnancy. Which is probably completely irrational, but is how I felt!

Anyway, that was a v long and rambling way of saying there is no medical reason to wait, but you might want to hang on until after your first period, just to be sure that everything is back to normal.

And give yourself time and space to grieve. It is allowed.

[KitchenWeasel]

Thank you everyone for your support
I keep flitting between being very rational and practical to welling up and flooding myself in tears!

kitty you sound like me, it took 19months to concieve DD and it happened so fast with this one, just a shame about the ending.

I really hope it happens again quickly, once you decide you want a baby you want one yesterday.

[kittykatsforever]

It's totally understandable and people are very different, for me moving forward was the right thing to do, I had a little weep now and then but didn't want to dwell on what might have been and yes it made my desire for another baby even stronger
I'm a big believer in date and that your body won't let something happen unless its ready or conditions arnt right, I had an early scan at epu and they said there was no reason not waiting made any difference and it didn't to me although do agree that the first af after my first mc was heavier then normal, I think what it comes down to is what's right for you, if you don't want to wait don't, I think it won't happen unless conditions are right anyway but if your happy to wait one cycle it will do no harm
I did find ov a week later then normal both times

[Rosiebells]

Sorry to hear about your loss kitchen
I too had an early mc at 5+ weeks in July last year. Good news is that I got pregnant straight away without having a period. There is no biological reason to wait for your next period to start ttc again.

DD is having a boobie cuddle feed now.
Don't lose heart
Good luck!

[oohdaddypig]

Hi kitchen. I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I hope my positive story helps you at such a bleak time.

My periods didnt start for three months because I had retained products after the m/c. Very unlikely to happen to you but I would have the scan just to check. So my body took a couple of months to deal with that. I conceived two cycles later and my gorgeous baby number 2 is keeping me awake right now!

Like you, from the start, I had a bad feeling before I miscarried. As if the little soul wasn't meant to stay long with me and he moved on for what is now my second DD.

Look after yourself in the next few weeks as I remember feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. Xx

[oohdaddypig]

I just wanted to add that my thoughts are with everyone else who has posted. Early miscarriages, I discovered, don't seem to be spoken about much and yet are heartbreakingly common.

I found real comfort from a book called "preventing miscarriage" - American - PM if you want more info as I can't recall author's name but it was in waterstone's.

[BusyCee]

Hi Kitchen. Sorry to hear this. I had early MCs while trying to get pregnant with each DS (7+5 & 8+5). Both passed at home, and both times went to hospital Early Pregnancy Assessment centre for scans afterwards. Fine both times, but reassuring to know.

On both occasions we were advised to wait a couple of months before TTC again, on further probing it transpired this was to help with dating the future pregnancy! There may be a more valid medical reason, but I didn't hear one....anyhoo, we didn't wait and I was pregnant with DS1 the next month. (DS2 took longer, but I was really stressed at the time, which I think caused the delay)

It's horrible I know. Be kind and gentle with yourself for a bit x

[KitchenWeasel]

ohhdaddy yes id be really interested in that book thanks

I will go to the scan for peace of mind, hoping DH can come as I don't want to go alone.

There are more success stories for pregnancies in the few months after MCing so fingers crossed I can jump on the fertile bandwagon!

Feel a bit 'blah' really, I'm sure you all know what I mean.

I do agree with kitty in that something wasn't quite right from the start and I just sensed it.

[WaspInTheHouse]

Sorry about your mc.

I had one in a Nov at about 6 weeks. Period at Christmas & pregnant in January.

What I didn't anticipate was that I only relaxed into the pregnancy at the 20 week scan, I was so worried about something happening before then.

[cartoontrickster]

kitchen I didn't give you the ending to my story . I guess it feels a bit strange saying it, after do much disappointment. here's the short version!
so I took around 7 months to conceive first time then mc, preg again after having one period, mmc. then waited 4ish months got preg first month of trying but lost the baby at 12wks. had one period then pregnant again which brings me up to now I am currently almost 23wks pregnant. I hope my ending brings you some hope.

[KitchenWeasel]

Wow cartoon you've really been through it

Your baby sounds very much deserved

[PunkyPod]

very sorry for your loss. I wonder why you felt something was going to go wrong.

I had an MC at 7weeks, my first pregnancy. I had a scan on the day of the MC and it showed I had passed everything. I would recommend you go to the scan just to check.

After a couple of weeks of grieving for the loss it felt like the only way to really get back on track was to start trying again. I just wanted to be pregnant. I read a lot about it and considered how I was physically and mentally. DP and I were both ready. I did OV tests and then we dtd when I got my positive days. Got BFP. We were so lucky.

Essentially I had a 6 week gap between the MC and the BFP which showed I was 4 weeks preg. So in a way my body took 2 weeks to recover and then started off on a natural 28 day cycle.

I didn't wait for a period, it just felt right to try again straight away.

DD is now 15 months old.

All the best, take care OP.

[jass43]

Kitchen, I would not miss the scan, despite the fact that the clot you saw seemed like a sac to you. It could well have been just a clot.
Being at five and half weeks, you di dnot have much of a tissue to retain though, so it is probably all over and next ovulation will happen in 2-3 weeks. It does not take long after early mc.
Also, if you get your mc on the record, it will serve you well in case you went through it again. Of course we all hope it will not hapen, but it is best to start record now. I have had 10 mc (after 4 good pregnancies) and as they were all really early I did not bother to start to get them registered before my second, so when it came to third docs only thought it was second and not worth investigations yet.....

[KitchenWeasel]

Hi jass and punky

I just got off the phone to my doctor and described what happened yesterday, he immediately saw me when I initially started bleeding but explained it could go either way.

I told him about what I saw (warning graphic) a grey tissue mass about the size of a small egg, although flat. With the sac and everything. I really had a good look as I was partly in shock and also wanted to completely confirm.

He said I could go to the scan if I wanted to but by what I have described I've had a complete miscarriage, I think that's everything intact. I know I will see nothing, he knows ill see nothing so I'm very reluctant to go. It feels like ill be rubbing my own nose it in- that sounds so silly!

Would the doctor update my notes to show an early MC?

[KitchenWeasel]

Sorry for your losses too- this is so much more common that I imagined.

[misslaughalot]

Hi Kitchen, so sorry for your loss. It is so much more common than people realise.

I had a mmc at 11 weeks in 2011. I was completely devastated, but wanted to wait until I'd had my first AF after the ERPC before trying again, just to reassure myself that my body was ready for it I guess. My DD was born exactly 12 months to the day after my ERPC, in the same hospital. I still shed tears about the baby I lost, but if that hadn't have happened my wonderful DD wouldn't be with us now, so every cloud and all that.

Look after yourself right now and good luck for the future!

[cartoontrickster]

thank you kitchen. I guess I just want to reiterate what's been said, it happens when the time is right.
I guess since you spoke to the doc it will be on file but I would check perhaps having the scan would help although I know you don't want to. my doctor received letters from the hospital you see.
I hope your feeling ok.