Mumsnet Talk

I'm thinking of the support factor. Any thoughts please?

We have told both our Mum's. Largely because I wanted to ask my Mam questions and it did not seem fair to tell one and not the other. I've also told my best mate cos she's just had a LO so has been through it all recently. I've found it good having someone to talk to

Depends on the people. And how long you ttc for. For us, some people in RL have been very supportive. But we've been ttc so long that people have stopped asking - obviously I'm not preggers yet! When it's been this long nearly two years they know something is wrong, it just gets awkward.
So yes, tell some people who may support you. But pick carefully!

Thank you both...I agree to only share with a few trusted people. Would like the support....I have found MN a great support.

Within MN I would have gone insane by now. Instead I am supported, more knowledgeable and can support others. Tis marvelous.

I was a tad miffed that my DH told his mum (WTF???!!!!) that we were TTC. I suspect it will take us a while to get there so I didn't want anyone to know to add to the pressure iykwim. Mumsnet is my saviour now!

noooooooo! Every five minutes they'll be looking at you like they're expecting An Announcement, and if it takes longer than instantly a few months it can be really difficult.

Also only tell people you want to know when you're in your first trimester. Otherwise they'll know you're ttc and guess you're upduffed and you'll have to lie etc. Very awkward.

I've told close friends and my mum. I don't think my husband has told his parents. I've only told one trusted colleauge at work who I think had guessed anyway.

Most people who know us well would have guessed. We got married mid-30s having never been keen on the idea before, and had a fairly short engagment (6 months). We only got married to have kids and I think that is pretty transparent.

Everyone around us has been good -either tactful or actively helpful. A couple of friends have been through/are going through IVF and are very supportive and understand how tough it is when it doesn't happen quickly.

I think being pretty open about it outside work was right for us.

Thank you ladies...I think I will stick to you lovely lot on MN!! I have had more help & support on here than in RL.

I get really unsubtle questions like: 'When are you going to start a family?' How rude!

have I get that aaaaall the time - even from older childfree siblings. Drives me potty

We have told family and friends. I have had nothing but fantastic support and I find that being upfront and honest (that people know what stage we are at) stops insensitive questions such as 'so when will it be you two then?', etc. My friends have been absolutely fantastic, texting me before and after hospital appointments, understanding why I am not drinking any more etc. I honestly could not have asked for more understanding.

I have also noticed that then other acquiantances have shared their stories about TTC which in turn makes me feel like I'm not the only one who it took a while for.

I am quite a blasé person though, if someone asks when we are going to have a child i say "we are trying at the moment, its just taking a bit longer than we would have hoped". If people have asked for more details I have given it. I am not ashamed to say that currently am not able to conceive. There is too much secrecy and lack of openess around infertility as if it is something to be ashamed of.

<climbs off soapbox>

We already have a DS but due to health complications after his birth...I was poorly for the first 12 months. I'm worried of these reoccurring since I've stopped taking the pill (which controls it)....so looking at it....I don't need the added pressure of people asking etc. I'm afraid you lovely lot are stuck with me!

My MIL always gets suspicious when DH and I visit together, like we're going to make some grand announcement. Eh, no! I'm going for promotion in work so that's my excuse at the moment, dunno how long that one will wash for tho!
Even tho I'm an adult, married woman I still think I'd be too to tell my parents we were TTC!

aworry you are right...infertility is nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like sharing has been of great support for you.

Flixy My mum tried to give me tips on what her and my Dad when they were TTC! Pass the brain bleach....

Sorry Wifey6 to get all militant about it, I think this is a bit of a personal crusade for me! Everyone is different though and I think it depends on your relationships with family and friends and whether they have been through similar etc.

The problem is people I know well are sensitive, people who don't really know me ask like that! Most recent was someone at work...we chat a bit but like 'how was your weekend?/isn't this weather crap?' Then suddenly asking when I'm starting a family!
I think these issues are unavoidable. My Dnephew is 2, do dsis gets bombarded with questions about dc2! She's not ready yet. The care home staff where my Gran is asked this weekend. When I said it was my turn, they told me to 'get on with it!' explained it wasn't for the want of trying on my part. That shut them up

Oooo no- aworrying I couldnt handle that kind of advice/help/torture!

Worrying I'm with you on that. I think subfertilityare still taboo and I'm not sure why. I don't have a problem discussing it openly (outside work).

And as you mentioned, it does tend to stop the insensitive questions!

Why would you want to tell anyone? It isn't anyone else's business. I don't understand why some people like to live their life in a blaze of publicity.

I would hardly call telling my family and close friends the truth when they have asked about our plans to have children 'living my life in a blaze of publicity'. What an odd way to describe having the support of your loved ones.

I've told my mum, sister and two of my closest friends and they're all fine. My DP's closest friends have also been told which is proving to be more of a problem. They keep asking 'So, any news yet?' (unerringly on the day when I've got my period and am a bit upset) and I've even had to explain that not conceiving within the first 2 months is entirely normal, and no I'm not a freak to a very well-meaning but rather clueless male friend of DP. Someone has also been blabbing it around the wider group of friends. So I would be VERY careful as it can put more pressure on you. Perhaps I'm an overly private person but I hate the thought of people I barely know knowing something so personal about my life.

bunbaker...as my first post stated...which coincides with my other posts...it's for the support factor...and it's not about telling everyone. It's about wanting support from a select few people whom may be in the same boat or just be a good support.

My Dmum is no longer with us but I remember heeding a warning ad a teenager. With dsis she conceived the month after she came off the pill, two months with me. warning along the lines of 'beware, you are likely to ve super fertile!'. How ironic.