Can't stop this negative frame of mind.

[HippoMilkIsPink]

Hello all,

Some of you may remember me from yesterday... I was in somewhat of a bad mood after getting my period at 35 days when I thought I was PG... Have been TTC since Oct 2010. So Sorry for that!!

I just cant seem to shake this cloud from over my head. I know everyone says relax, enjoy it etc... But when you want something really bad its hard :(

I know it sounds ridiculous but I didnt know it would be so hard to get PG and its kind of really shocked me. We both have big families and my brother got his GF PG after only knowing her 2 months! I thought it would be a doddle!

I also know it sounds really bad, and I'm not proud of it, but I cant help but hold a grudge against EVERYONE i know who has/is having a baby. Well actually even if I dont know them. I just keep thinking what did I do to deserve not to have one?

I know a lot of people have been trying a lot longer than me and have had worse misfortune than me, but I just need some help to get over this hurdle and to try and be positive about the future.

Any help/advice/similar stories would be appreciated. :( Anyone:( Thanks :(

[HippoMilkIsPink]

PS From here on out I now vow to never take a PG test until 40 days since LMP!

[gardenpixie]

Hello, I am so sorry you are having a rubbish time. I know nothing can really make it better, but I just wanted to say don't beat yourself up about feeling of people who have fallen pg at the drop of a hat; it is very difficult and frustrating so do go easy on yourself.

I HATE the whole "relax and enjoy it" advice as it just doesn't help when you are ready to get on with having a baby now! It's obviously well meant but not at all helpful!

You are absolutely right to think about being positive about the future: chances are you'll be pg in a few months and all the frustration will be worth it.

There are loads of lovely and understanding ladies on here who have been v supportive to me (TTC 3yrs) - the only advice I can give is to come on here and rant if you need to so you can get it off your chest and get on with the rest of the day.

Lots of luck with it all and I hope you have a BFP very soon xx

[ShowOfHands]

It is normal for it to take 1-2yrs to get pregnancy. Do I remember correctly that you're only young too? I don't mean this in a patronising oh you have loads of time way, more trying to establish if you're 45 and fertility might be more of an elephant in the room...

I understand why it's frustrating when it seems so easy for everybody else and you really want something. But being young, newly married, planning a family etc is a happy time. I said this to you on another thread. It's a time of hope, not one of bitterness.

When I'd been trying for well over a year and had a miscarriage, I started feeling bitter and sad. I did not like that in me. And I didn't want to welcome a child into that. So I got a hobby. I threw myself into it. I took up photography, developed my own pics, had weekends away with dh strolling round using my beautiful slr camera. I had to force myself not to think about babies all the time.

And God am I glad I did. Because I have a child now and from conception onwards, it filled every available moment. Those wonderful, special times when it was just dh and me are brilliant (well photographed) memories. I had everything to be happy about and am thankful I realised that when I did.

You've been trying for no time at all. Statistically, it's normal and right that you aren't pregnant yet. Statistically, there's every chance you will be within a year.

I do think you can actively choose to change your perspective but you have to want to.

I understand, I really do. I've been there. But there's no reason in the world for you to be bitter/sad/cross.

[ShowOfHands]

Get pregnancy ?? I mean get pregnant obviously.

[angster]

I second ShowofHands who always has very good words of wisdom especially as she was in those shoes once.

I totally understand hippo that it is difficult. I'm coming up to 1yr with one m/c and I go through all sorts of emotions. I can tell you that the bad karma starts to appear when you compare yourself to others. There is a feeling of competitiveness and a fear of being left behind when others get pregnant so quickly. It is hard not to worry that there may be something wrong. The worst is envy of friends (even celebs) who announce their pregnancies. It is hard not to feel jealous. The worst is to feel bitterness.

Anyway, I have to take a step back and face myself when I get panicky, negative and worried. I think about all the good things in my life. I realise jealousy is just a fear and I know bitterness is a horrible trait. But I try and find ways of controlling all the negative emotions. Some days are better than others.

As ShowofHands said, 5 months is not long. It really isn't. Don't compare yourself to brothers GF. It will be your turn one day.

[herethereandeverywhere]

It took me 15 months to conceive DD, I was 32 then. I'd begun to resent friends and family who fell pregnant at the drop of a hat. I HATED it when anyone observed mine and DH's lack of children "yet" and I really had to reel myself in from becoming a nasty piece of work.

I had strong words with myself that being bitter and angry benefited no-one. Just like other areas of life you can't spend your whole time resenting people who have what you want - those negative feelings are so destructive. It is something you don't have control over and (being a control freak myself) I can understand how frustrating it is for you.

I echo the other posters on here. The best thing I did was make a New Years resolution to stop living my life to be all about getting pg. I also did a photography course (weird coincidence!) booked a fab holiday and made sure I did things like go out for cocktails/champagne with my non-babyed-up friends. Treat yourself to a shopping spree or some nice food or whatever your budget allows. Really focus on making life - NOW - good. it's not only fulfilling and a huge distraction when you're not falling pg but it's great because when you do fall pg (and you will!) you'll have really lived that bit of your child-free life to the full and can look back with fondness at all the fun/lovely/indulgent things you did.

It's like the watched kettle that never boils. Go out there and grab life with both hands - not only is it great fun but I bet it does the trick. x