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Breaking news of pg to a infertile friend?

5 replies

Crawling · 15/02/2011 09:47

I am only 6-7 weeks but I have been worried about this. My friend has one DS who has autism (with a differet partner) but her DH is unable to have children I know she would like another but is unable. What is the kindest way I can tell her?

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helenlouisey · 15/02/2011 12:07

Hi, congratulations on your pregnancy. Being in exactly the same position as your friend,I have one little boy and now suffering from secondary infertility, it is a really hard one, I think the main thing to do is acknowledge that your news might be difficult for your friend and be sensitive. The worse for me is when people do a big announcement in front of lots of people. I would go round and tell your friend when you are on your own, but give her some space afterwards, if it's clear she doesnt want to speak about the pregnancy then wait until she is. I'm sure she will be pleased for you, just sad for herself.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy

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MrsTittleMouse · 15/02/2011 12:15

First point - the fact that you are posting here means that you are a lovely friend, so I'm sure that things will be OK. :)

When you tell her, I would recommend telling her on her own - i.e. not in a group email or a public announcement. So that you acknowledge that even though she's happy for you, it's not an easy thing for her to find out.

I would also give her an escape route - so I wouldn't tell her at the start of a lunch together or something like that. She might need to go away and be on her own for a while and even have a little cry. It might be difficult for her if she is feeling awful and there you are, in all your pregnant glory, and she can't get away. The phone might be a good option.

Finally, congratulations! :) :) :)

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MrsTittleMouse · 15/02/2011 12:18

Also agree that she might not be able to be as involved in the pregnancy as she would otherwise. I was considered to be very non-maternal and even cold hearted about other peoples' pregnancies. But it was a protection mechanism. I much preferred that to breaking down in public - embarrassing for me, and not really helping the pregnant woman either!

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ClaireDeLoon · 15/02/2011 12:22

Agree with giving her an escape route. In fact speaking as someone who is on the other side to your problem I'd prefer to get the news by text so I'm not forced into an immediate response and can respond in my own time after collecting my thoughts.

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Crawling · 15/02/2011 12:37

Thank you all I am so sorry you are all going through this, I think a text may be a good option because as you said it gives her time to come to terms when and then maybe take her lead. Only bring it up if she does, and seems to want to chat about it and let her have as much or as little input as she feels able to. Thank you very much.