Worried that ds is getting quite phobic about sickness

[FromGirders]

My dd has quite a "trampoline" stomach. If she eats too much, or something which doesn't agree with her, or even if she gets very over-tired, she just throws up. On top of this, she's had three tummy bugs since Christmas. She's a very neat thrower up, nearly always gets it in a basin / tub if there's one handy, and hardly ever gets it everywhere.
Despite this, ds gets really anxious whenever she's ill. She once was sick at the dinner table while sitting next to him, and I think it dates back to that.
Any time she's been sick, he won't even sit down in the same room as her, he hovers beside the door while watching TV etc, just in case she's sick, so that he can run away (holding his nose, with his fingers in his ears. He needs an extra hand ). Even when she's fine, if she coughs or chokes slightly on a piece of food, you can see him going into flight mode.
How should I best deal with this? Do I allow / encourage him to leave the room at the first sign that anyone will be sick? Or make him sit at the table, for example when she's recovering and at the toast stage. I don't want this to develop into any bigger thing than it already is.
He's just turned 7, btw.

[zam72]

I had a phobia about sickness when I was a child. I think 'they' say that desensitisation is the way to go to try and get over the phobia (feel the fear and do it anyway, type of thing). So I guess encouraging him to leave the room might feed into the fact that there is genuinely something to be fearful of, rather that that's its unpleasant but usually over pretty quick. If he wanted to leave though...I wouldn't stop him. I guess talking sickness through and maybe saying everyone feels how he does to an extent and that that is perfectly normal. But its nothing to be frightened of. But I don't know really....not sure talking would've helped me much.

If its having a significant negative impact on your son you could talk to your GP and see if there's a children's anxiety clinic (I know there's one close to me) near to you or get some proper medical advice about how best to deal with it from the GP themselves?

The thing that 'cured' me was true desensitisation though - getting to 17-18years old and drinking too much vodka (yuk!) and getting ill on a regular basis (never did know my limits at that age) and realising whilst not lovely it wasn't quite the cause for such fear. (Obviously not suggesting that as a cure for your DS though!! But maybe by keep seeing your DD he'll get desensitised too given positive encouragement....which might be where the GP's help might come in as to the best way to give that help?)

[FionaSH]

I've been phobic about vomit as long as I can remember - I am never sick myself (which people cannot believe) as I just grit my teeth and swallow. But my main fear is other people being sick.

I remember it starting when I was about 3, I was sick in the night and woke up with it in my ears, up my nose etc.

It got much worse when my Mum was pregnant with my sister and she had morning sickness - the noise...I would run and hide in the wardrobe.

My sister was a total thrower-upper. Carsickness was her forte, great streams and revolting noises. Mum would berate me from the front seat "help your sister!", but I'd be curled in a ball, fingers in ears, "lalalalala". Repeatedly being faced with it never desensitised me, I think it made it worse - like my Mumwasn't taking my fear seriously? I wasn't doing it for attention, I really was shaking with fear and horror.

It never got better, but as I got older you just get faced with it less. I've always been terrieifed about having a baby - how would I cope?! Anyway my 6month old DS has just started weaning and has done 2 great piles of technicolour vomit - and I wasn't fazed at all!!! Crazy. I guess maternal instinct kicked in.

Anyway my tuppence worth would be, don't make an issue out of it and don't force him to stay in the room. Be supportive of the fact he is frightened - whilst not supporting the fact that it's something to be afraid of in itself because it obvbiously isn't - IYSWIM??

[zam72]

Just had another thought of something my Mum used to do. She gave me some small toy/ornament to keep in my pocket and told me if I got nervous about someone being sick or me feeling sick then I should think of my cats at home (just some nice image) and hold my toy in my hand (plastic frog!). Guess she was trying to get me to relax during the panicky episodes. Helped me not to keel over from fright sometimes.

[FionaSH]

I think that's a great idea zam

[FromGirders]

Ta for suggestions.
I don't think it's serious enough to warrant GP or anything just now, and most of the time ds is absolutely fine. Just me getting slightly exasperated with having him be so jumpy whenever dd is ill!
'Tis summer now, hopefully there won't be any more bugs . . .