Do all HV's ask these questions for a 3.5 year check?

[Marne]

Dd2 had he 3.5 year check today with our new HV, i hate taking the dd's for checks as they both have autism and don't always meet milestones etc.

Anyway the HV made me feel useless , she didn't really listen to me, she ran through the list of questions (milestone checks) and was ticking the boxes before i had even answered. She asked me what food i fed the dd's and asked how much processed food they eat, i told her that the dd's have a mixed diet and they eat mainly fresh homemade food but sometimes have processed foods or a take away.

What does 'what i feed the dd's' have to do with a 3.5 year old check?

She also moaned at me for giving dd2 squash to drink, dd2 wont drink water or milk and if i try to give her milk or water she refuses to drink altogether.

She asked me what help i get with the dd's and wanted to send someone to our house to help with dd2's sleep issues.

I felt that she thought i was not coping and not bringing the dd's up correctly.

I mentioned to her that dd2's feet turn inwards and she said she will have a look at her walking and refer her for physio, she didn't check her walking but still referred her anyway. Surely physio would not help, or would it? I thought she just needed some insoles for her shoes to correct her feet (maybe i'm wrong).

Rant over .

[belgo]

All sounds fairly standard, and actually quite good.

You might not need advice on healthy eating and the disadvantages of squash, but many people do need this advice.

I wish my HV had sent someone over to help with my dd1's sleep issues!

As for the physio, it's great that's you've got a referral, how can that be a bad thing?

[Marne]

belgo- i think i'm fed up with the referrals and sleep person coming to my house mainly because i seem to spend half my life sat in hospitals and surgeries seeing various people regarding the dd's ASD's, i often have people coming to the house to see dd2 (portage, SALT etc). Sometimes i would just like to be left alone .

My notice board is full up with letters for appointments, visits etc.

I have been trying to get physio for her sister for the past year (as she really needs it) but we still havn't got it.

[Pheebe]

So basically you're complaining because a health profressional is doing her job, and doing it properly by the sound of things.
A HV is not a medic and is there to ensure your children (not you!!!) access the health care services they need.

You might think you're coping but tbh it sounds to me like you're feeling the strain. Can you get any more support in place, I'm thinking practical things help with trips to hospital, a cleaner to so you don't have to worry about the house work...

[posieparker]

Sounds very helpful, no big deal made of anything and treating your dd like she would any other. It should have been refreshing as I'm sure many people treat her as if she's different.

TBH OP you sound like you need some support and confidence that you're doing a great job.

[cory]

Understand your frustration but afraid I can't agree on the physio thing.

If her feet turn inwards, insoles won't necessarily cure it: she may well need physio. And if there is a problem that can't be sorted with insoles, better get it done before her gait starts affecting her back.

My dd's back has been permanently damaged because of health professionals faffing around for too long claiming that if she only wears these insoles she shouldn't have a problem...oh, she is wearing the insoles?...well, she shouldn't be having a problem then...

The diet thing does sound like the HV doesn't understand the particular issues surrounding autism.

That's the problem: you need to have the energy to cope with the ignorant things people do or say, and still get any wheat they have to offer out from under the chaff. Not easy and I have been known to almost miss some important medical information because I got stuck on the foolish remark they made right at the beginning.

[Marne]

I agree that i need some confidence, the only help i feel i could benifit from is having a cleaner to give me more to time to be with the dd's.

My dd's are well behaved and i see them as normal children as i don't know any different, i find them easy to look after, yes they have a few issues but nothing more than any other child, its all the running around, making phone calls, appointments that tire me out .

She also asked me how often i brush their teeth, i know its just a question but surely i am capable of remembering to brush teeth.

I suppose i am not used to someone asking so many questions or worrying about how i am coping, i know she was trying to be helpful and nice which is great but when i mentioned things that concerns me like dd's adinoids (sp) she changed the subject.

[belgo]

The tooth brushing question is normal. Not every parent brushes their child's teeth I'm afraid!

If you don't feel that the HV is helping you, then you don't have to go. More medical questions eg; adenoids, you can ask your GP.

I would keep the physio therapy appointment if I were you though, I know constant appointments are a hassle but if there is a problem it's best that a physio picks it up earlier rather then later.