How should i approach this?

[Beauregard]

Following my thread here
Today i ended up in floods of tears and having to see my eldest dd's teacher.
She is picking at her food,refusing to eat other foods,several mornings has announced that she doesnt want breakfast"just an apple"
She went to a party on sat and picked at her meal and the cake she was given she refused to eat.She has also taken to saying she is cold and covering up with cardigans.
I know my dd and i know something is very wrong .I have gently asked and she wont tell me.My dd has always enjoyed food and is usually always hungry and for her to be acting like this is frightening

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

School nurse. They are really lovely and will help her.

[Beauregard]

I dont think there is a school nurse

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

If you are in the UK there will be bet. All UK schools have access to a school nurse, even the private ones. Go to reception, tell them you want to see her and they will get in touch, she/he will call you. The school don't need to know what it's about.

Did you speak to the school?

[Beauregard]

I spoke to her teacher and told her how worried i was and she said she was going to reiterate(?) that treats are allowed in moderation.

[EachPeachPearMum]

School nurse works for local health authority, but all schools are supposed to have one assigned to them.

I'm so sorry you're both going through this, and hope you get some help soon.

[gigglewitch]

pfnm. it's such a worry. Will she talk to you at all or is it total blank?
My ds1 (yr 3)had done the healthy eating thing at school and was also heading for the "mummy we can't eat x" line - at which point I gave it to him in straight and certain terms that he is dairy free and gets little or no fat from items which his classmates do, and therefore he has to have some of the foods that some people consider to be unhealthy.
What I'm suggesting is that you individualise it - that a child who does exercise needs 'fuel' in the form of food, etc etc - not all children need the same amount, but you dd need [insert what you judge she needs to have] each day. This is the only way I have talked sense into ds1, and am about to embark on the same lecture discussion with ds2. Have also had a word in the headteachers ear to emphasise that they need to ensure that the children don't take it all so literally, because of course that's what they do at 7 yo.

TBH I wish they'd just leave it altogether, but that's just me

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

So not very helpful then.

Hunt out the school nurse.

It's a tough one for children. There are not alot of books that are easy to read for this age and I can't think of any that are not to compliacated and discuss a balanced diet. Fat free is a no-no for children, they need this to grow but like everything, not in huge amounts. It sounds like she's had some problems with food before. Did she get some professional support for this?

[Beauregard]

Giggle-She just shrugs and says she doesnt know.

fluffybunny-What do you mean about her having issues with food before?

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Sorry, I misread from the old thread. Very, very sorry.

The school nurses are really, really good. I would try them.

[gigglewitch]

ah - the shrug, that makes it a wee bit more tricky. Have you ever had a referral to a dietitian - or would the attention to it make matters worse, d'you reckon?

Pelvic, step back for a minute, take a breather and then say - what's your "mum-instinct" saying to you?

I really feel for you, but am not an awful lot of help.

[Beauregard]

Recently she has also started swimming and i wonder if one of the other kids has said something to her.There are 2 girls who used to be very close friends to her who now dont show any interest in her.

[Beauregard]

Never had referral to dietician because she has never had an issue with food before.But no i feel it would make it worse to focus on food too much.I need to tread very carefully to ensure that i dont inflict my anxiety on her.

[gigglewitch]

as you may know I'm a dance teacher (amongst other things) and we come across the eating issue quite often - we never mention it at all in class, but if anything does crop up I am forever telling them that they need loads and loads of energy, and that they need all kinds of food to help them get it (have you ever seen a lettuce leaf dance etc etc)

Do you have any teacher type person (pref not class teacher) who might help out?

[Beauregard]

Giggle my mom instinct is like a siren.

[Beauregard]

She has an irish dance teacher once a week ,good starting point along with school nurse?

[gigglewitch]

btw, have you got support, rl as well as here? it sounds like you are having a difficult time, you need support as well

[gigglewitch]

the siren says it all then

I'd chat with the dance or swimming teacher ...but I would say that wouldn't I, cos it's the sort of thing I'd happily do.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Refusal to eat is more often then not a control thing. People feel as if they are not in control so will control the thing that is the easiest, food. It doesn't answer back or nag!

The school nurses will refer her if they are unable to help. They really are wonderful. They do so much more then measuring, they help with bed wetting, children that need emotional support, they even take time to help the parents emotionally. I would try them.

[Beauregard]

Yes thanks giggle, and actually(by coincidence) saw my gp today to refer me(again) for my issues.

[gigglewitch]

good to hear that pelv!

now back to your poor dd...

[GreenGables]

Oh pelvic floor I sympathise with you!! I had exactly the same thing with DD1 when she was 7 - schools teach a blanket 'healthy eating' message to all the children regardless. At one point DD1 was refusing to eat desert because 'custard is bad' and trying to run up and down the stairs to burn of all the fat with exercise - she is way too skinny and does not need to loose anything! And now DD2 at age 7 is starting to repeat all the same nonsense from these stupid healthy eating videos (which have no place in the classroom, nor should a child EVER be told to restrict the amount of fats in their diet!)

anyway... my advice to you is to sneak fats and sugars into her diet for now (yoghurt in a smoothie, icecream with chocolate sauce and biscuits for desert, cream in any cooking sauce...) and giving her multi vitamin and mineral tablets. By sneaking it in you are not making an issue of it and buying yourself the time to gently redress her opinion of 'healthy eating'. From what you describe she sounds like she urgently needs some fats, sugars and proteins (all found in plain yoghurt).

In my experience this has NOTHING to do with control through food and everything to do with good school children doing exactly as they are taught in school.

[GreenGables]

oh and I second gigglewithch - individualise it for you DD.

Also start cooking (if you don't already) with her I found it really helped! best books so far:

River cottage family cook book (great for adding calories - lots of butter, cream and milk AND fruit and veg, meat and fish. very tasty food, easy to cook and great for children). This is a must have book IMHO

Nigella's anything - tasty and unconventional dishes - something to add some interest

Usbourne childrens cook books - there are several to choose from all great.

[Beauregard]

Thanks for all the advice

I am going to try not to overreact to it although i am sure you can understand why i could do so.

I will see how she reacts to breakfast in the morning and go from there,school nurse etc.

[GreenGables]

...sorry it's getting late (MANY typos!) my last point is to say that (IMO) you are doing the right thing not to bring it to her attention - this has to be done subtly. gently teach her the proper view of food and healthy eating.

HOWEVER, only try to deal with it quietly for as long as YOU have it under control. If she takes a turn for the worst you must seek outside help as children can become malnourished quite rapidly.

Oh and she may need some extra salts in her diet for a while too - she may well be running low (and this could be impacting upon her ability to reason). Dioralite is great for this if you can persuade her to drink it (or successfully disguise it)as it has the correct balance of salts and sugars for rebalancing the electrolytes. otherwise feed her bananas, orange juice, and sprinkle a little salt over her meals.

[GreenGables]

oops sorry - I didn't notice you last post