Children and passive smoking - how big are the risks?

[hester]

My dd (3) has started having sleepovers at her dad's house. He smokes. Her usual pattern is to spend one day a week with him, which they usually spend out and about, and I've always suspected he smokes near her (he'd have to; he's in sole control). But now she is going to his home and spending far longer with him, and she has been coming home REEKING of cigarettes.

My relationship with him is OK, but he's allergic to being 'bossed about': even me making helpful suggestions on birthday presents is seen as outrageous interference. When she was newborn and he had a heavy cold, and I asked him to wash his hands before holding her, he threw a total tizzy. So I've kept schtum on this one, reckoning a few hours a week probably isn't too risky. But now she's spending up to two days and one night with him, in his home (and he definitely smokes inside - he's up three flights of stairs with no outdoor space) should I be rethinking this? How risky is it to expose a child to that much passive smoking?

[solidgoldshaggingbunnies]

Well it's not that risky otherwise people of my age (40s) and thereabouts would be thinner on the ground given the amount of people who smoked in the 60s and 70s. It's not great for her - smokers' kids usually had/have rather more coughs and colds than kids in non-smoking households, and if she is asthmatic it will make her worse. Could you maybe ask him to smoke in one room with a window open when she's there?

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

My dad used to smoke like a chimney, he'd buy 20 cigarettes a day (at least), then break them up and re-roll them. I was always ill, tonsilitis, chest infections. Even now my lungs are not in the best shape they could be. If it were my child I'd say no, even a few hours is too much. If she smells of cigarettes he smokes around her.

[hester]

Hmmm, that's one vote either way then

Thanks so much, both. I fear it will be a dereliction of maternal duty not to ask him to stop. On the other hand, I fear that if I do it will only make him feel rebellious - and I can't enforce it, short of refusing access, which of course I'm not going to do.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

My dad died last year because of smoking. He'll never have the chance to watch any of us marry or watch his grandchildren grow. It's sad. Smoking doesn't just affect the smoker, it's the family that suffer. I trained as a paeds nurse, I felt so sorry for the poor mites who had been brought in with a chest infection/asthma. Some of parents took them outside in the snow so they could light up. Very bad!

Sorry, I'm anti smoking.

[glitteryb6]

im anti smoking too, my dad was a heavy smoker when we were growing up and i couldnt even sit in the same room as him without getting sore eyes.

im now 38 and so far have had no health problems and never really sufferred from coughs or colds, but who knows what the future holds, my friend had cancer and her son has asthma and neither were in smoky environments.

i would say go with your gut instinct

[hester]

So sorry to hear that, FluffyBunny

I don't know what my gut instinct is, really, glitteryb6. My mum smoked throughout my childhood; I lived for ten years with a chain-smoker; I know most of us get exposed to smoke and don't get lung cancer, so I'm not feeling hysterical mummy about it all.

On the other hand, it is truly horrid to have your little darling's hair stinking of smoke (and her clothes, and her little soft puppy who has to go with her for overnight stays...) It's not just a faint whiff, it's reeking, which makes me think she's not just picking it up off his cushions; he must be smoking over her.

But I do feel pretty powerless to stop him.

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

It's not just lung cancer, it's chest infections, asthma, tonsilitis etc that are caused (probaby) due to second hand smoke. As a child I spent more time off school ill with tonsilitis and chest infections then because of anything else. When I moved out to go to Uni this stopped completely. I don't think it was a coincidence.

[Sawyer64]

So many DC's are "developing" Asthma these days,with very high incidence in families where one or both parents smoke.

Its definitely a hard one.....

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

I don't smoke, never have and never will. Ds is asthmatic, it's very mild though. I do agree that there are more children 'developing' asthma who live in families where one/both parents smoke.

[glitteryb6]

just thinking, even if he doesnt smoke around her he will smoke when shes not there so his house will still smell so she will probably come back smelling of tobacco even if he doesnt smoke around her

[hester]

I have asthma, dd has eczema so may be at higher risk.

glittery, you're right; I don't know that it isn't just picked up off rolling around. (He does love wearing jumpers, and they hold on to the smell really well, don't they?) Presumably the risks are still there, though reduced, if she's not actually inhaling smoke?

[glitteryb6]

it can be really strong even if he isnt smoking at the time.
my house's previous occupier was a ridiculously heavy smoker (i found fag ends down the bathroom sink overflow!)
when i got the keys i couldnt even stay in the place for 5 mins without getting a sore throat and eyes.
lots of scrubbing and several coats of paint later even though the house smells ok now if i go to someones house who doesnt smoke you can still smell a faint whiff of tobacco from my clothes

[glitteryb6]

i was worried if the smell in my house would damage my sons lungs...is that daft? that would really be PASSIVE wouldnt it

[hester]

Thanks everyone for your input. Hearing your views has helped me move along my thinking on this one. Think I actually will say something, perhaps just ask him what his smoking policy is. If he says he smokes in the same room as her I'll ask him to do it in another room and out of the window. If he says that is what he does already, I think I'll have to let it go. I can't see him (or anyone) giving up smoking on my say-so, and it would be awful for both of them to give up their beloved sleepovers.

Thanks again everyone

[Sawyer64]

If you can "smell" cigerette smoke then it is in the atmosphere and you are breathing it in.