5 year old DC very slow, absent.

[worried78]

I am looking for some advice please, I don't want to be judged, and I just want to do what is best for DC1.

My DC1 is 5, year one in school years. Has always been behind, slower than other kids etc.
Dc2 is 3, and seems a lot more on the ball, alert and is already progressing past DC1. Counting for instance.
I know you shouldn't compare and all children are different but I am worried that DC1 is abit... slow (Unsure of how to describe) or absent.
I can talk to DC1 and they look through me, nothing I say registers. Hearing test came back fine, otherwise healthy, no conditions etc.
DC1's ability to focus just isn't there. Will sit in the car and just stare, its abit creepy tbh.

School said in reception that DC1 is slower than others, and being at the younger end of the year put it down to that. Maybe it is that... but the lack of concentration and the absent look is worrying me. Its like dc1 ones eyes are just glazed 85% of the time.

One thing I have noticed is on the ipad, DC1 is good there, but again it is like the world is on pause and nothing is around. Almost like zoning in.
Dc1 cries a lot, if asked to do something, just instantly cries grabs throat and says "I cant I am choking" or "something is in my throat". - obviously just pushing luck and acting daft. Getting dressed is a nightmare, although I refuse to help now because I do wonder if DC1 is just having me on some of the time. This process can take 25 mins, even when supervised.

Reading is okay for words like cat, dog, kipper, and, biff, big etc
We can read a book, like last night and "This" was on every page. Probably 9 times through the book, yet by the end it still hadn't been slightly grasped. 4th attempt at reading.
Motor skills - behind
Writing - behind. Letters huge, formed backwards sometimes and not helped by hating to do it.

Am I just being overly worried by it?

[MerdeAlor]

You are right to be concerned. Perhaps you could ask your GP or the school to do a CAMHS referral. This won't be quick and you may not have immediate answers but it would be good to have him monitored. You could also see an educational psychologist for a dyslexia assessment.

Obviously I'm not trying to armchair diagnose but my son was fairly similar. He had a diagnosis at 6 of inattentive ADHD which has now been changed to Aspergers and dyslexia.
Best advice? Independant of any diagnosis, educate yourself. Dont try and change him but work with him to make his life easier.

[worried78]

I've googled ADHD in attentive and yes, it sounds very familiar!
The other major thing is you talk to dc1 and dc1 talks back but never looks at you, almost avoiding eye contact - but I know it's not on purpose, just part of this absent behaviour.
Wondering who will be best to talk too...

[MerdeAlor]

Both the school and the GP can refer to the childrens and adolescent mental health services. The GP usually makes a quicker referral though.
Go prepared, with evidence and examples so you can justify the referral.
Do lots and lots of research and reading.
My DS psychiatrist said to treat DS as though he'd already had a diagnosis. This really worked for us.
Good luck worried

[worried78]

I've got an appointment for next week with gp, I shall get online over the weekend and have a good read up. I did quite abit yesterday and it is dc1 to a tee!
I will start observing and making notes - thanks.
I did a few things, I read that help - and they definitely did, so I will continue to use those.
Dc1 got a sticker for sitting still yesterday, which pulled up another thing i had noticed - constant movement. Not overly energetic etc, just constant. Touching hair, face, brushing arms on legs, tapping.

[MerdeAlor]

Once you get referred to CAMHS they will give you and the school a connors questionnaire to fill in. You can look these up online to get an idea.
The two questionnaires should essentially correlate and they will be assessed and graded to see if your DS has ADHD and what type.

My DS went on medication for 2 years which was amazing for him. By being able to concentrate he did better at school and developed better relationships. We tapered it off as he got older.

Other than medication be prepared for nothing else to be offered, even if he does get an ADHD diagnosis.
Apologies if you find this process is different from the above, it was a few years ago.
Good luck, let me know how you get on.