Scared of doing futher damage

[Lovage]

I've got a cystocele from last birth (part of bladder wall collapsed down into vagina). At the moment (28 weeks preg) it's achy and sore rather than actually painful, and my GP reckons that's how it'll stay - it shouldn't get actually painful during pregnancy. Well, initially she said it would get better at my baby got bigger and pressed more outwards and less downwards, but that doesn't seem to be happening, it's getting worse.

Anyway, I can live with it, although I'm not supposed to lift and to sit down as much as possible, in order to reduce the chance of damaging the tissue further while I'm pg. Which is ... challenging with a toddler.

But I've got really scared about what'll happen in labour. It hurts worse if I squat or part my legs, and especially if I bear down. I'm worried that it'll hurt a lot in labour, especially second stage. And that my fear of that pain will inhibit my labour (I'm a bit of a Sheila Kitzinger fan and do think that your mental state makes a huge difference). And I'm worried that I'll do more damage through the pushing (which is what did the damage last time, I'm pretty sure - 3 hr second stage with rather feeble contractions because I was absolutely exhausted after long first stage). And that my fear of doing more damage will make the labour go badly (as above on Kitzinger-ish grounds).

I'm not (particularly) scared of the 'normal' pain of labour, which I felt I coped with really well last time. I think because I knew it was part of things happening normally and it was purposeful pain and part of my body doing what it was supposed to do. But I'm really scared of the idea of the pain from my cystocele because it's pain from something being wrong and damaged and probably getting even more damaged (I know I can have a repair op afterwards, but not for a while). If that makes sense.

Any words of wisdom or similar experiences or info very welcome.

[Lovage]

Anyone?

[lulumama]

no experience, but i would suggest talking to a midwife or obstetrician , rather than a GP. a MW or obs will have far more experience of this sort of thing, and can advise you accordingly, sorry you are worried.

[Lovage]

Yes, will mention it to my midwife, but she's very practical / medical-y and while that's part of it (how much further damage is it likely to do etc.) it's as much the psychological stuff. And she's not good at that sort of thing. I'm not seeing an Obs, but suspect they'd be even more up that medical end.

I've been wondering if any of the independent midwives in my area would do a one-off discussion session - can't afford an IM for the delivery, much as I'd love one, but could afford £100 or so. I supose the other possibility is my local hospital 'birth afterthoughts' service, but I've already seen them so I'm not sure I can go back. And also it's not really about the last birth, it's about this one.

[lulumama]

you could try contacting local doulas too, many of them will do birth debriefing and preparation with you .