suggestions on what to tell ds age 6.5 about the birth process?

[LadySanders]

i am 34 weeks pg, hoping to have home vbac. Pondering how/what to tell son age 6 about giving birth... not wanting to do 'facts of life' conversation with ds as think unnecessary at moment. BUT, he's aware that i had a c section with him, has seen the scar and understands that it's from when he was born etc, that it didn't hurt me to be cut open because of anaesthetic etc, so he's relaxed. but obv with home labour & birth he will possibly see me in pain, and obviously its a diff process which he will ask questions about. don't want to frighten him but want to be able to answer his questions honestly and in a way he can understand. sorry if i'm waffling... is it reasonable to explain that as well as a weeing hole (can't think of better word?) and a pooing hole, mummies have another one for babies to come out of? what do i even call it? i have no idea what the current fashion is? if he happens to repeat to anyone else that "my brother was born from mummy's vagina" is that weird?

i'm not feeling neurotic about this just be interested to know how others have dealt with this?

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

I would tell him that you have a baby growing in your tummy and when he/she feels like coming out they'll send a message to your body to push them out of a special hole near where mummy wees. It takes a few hours for your body to push the baby out and your muscles have to work very hard to do it so it can hurt a bit (ha!) and it might make mummy shout but it's completely normal, and if you hear mummy shouting then it means the baby is almost here. And at the end of it out comes your baby brother or sister, and then you can come in and meet him/her.

If he asks specific questions you can answer them but that's probably enough detail for now.

[POOKAingwenceslaslookedout]

I think you can be completely upfront with him. The baby will come out of mummy's vagina. Show him a doll and make a comment about the size of it. Say that it will probably hurt, but that is good because that means the baby is coming. Tell him that sometimes babies are born in hospital, sometimes they come out of a mummy's tummy if they get stuck or if they're the wrong way round, but that you're hoping that the baby will be the right way round and will be able to squeeze out.
??? That isn't too graphic, is it? Think is best to be matter-of-fact about it. And you're not saying how the baby got there, but if he asks, then you could get the book "mummy laid an egg" (Babette Cole) which is probably geared towards children of his age.
Is actually possibly a really good way of sowing the seeds for future more detailed conversations about the facts of life.

[milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo]

We use the word vagina with my DD (just under 2) so I don't think that is so terrible - you wouldn't have an issue with using 'penis'?

You could say that you have to push the baby out like having a poo and that means that you might make some noise from the effort?

[LadySanders]

no don't have any issues about words penis or vagina at all, its more about answering his questions in a way that doesn't confuse him or make him feel frightened

[bethoo]

goodness my dp will not even tell his 9 year old daughter how babies come out!

[milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo]

I think being honest is a good thing, and pointing out that the pain means the baby is nearly here and that it stops as soon as the baby is born.

[Anna8888]

When I had my daughter, my nephew was six and a half. His mother, my sister, had given birth to a daughter six months earlier.

We had lots of prolonged conversations about why some babies come out of a cut in the Mummy's tummy (my sister has had three CSs) and why others come out between the Mummy's legs... and other conversations about how the sperm got into the Mummy...

I think 6.5 is fine for a pretty honest, upfront discussion.

[PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven]

Oh gosh, my boys (8 and almost 7, not trhe 4.5 year old) have asked to be rpesent at my homebirth in MArch so have been rpeparing them with fine details LOL (and letting them watch pre-checked vids on you tube too)

I accept that I am a stinky hippy though (and they know that they can only come if all OK and Dh there to check them and that they can leave at any moment)

We've had the discussion before about Mummy having a hole where they ahev a sticky out penis (after questions from them- contrary to how it seems I don't sit aorund throwing out random bilogical details all day!), so i just developed this by explaining that the hole in fact was a tunnel leading to where baby was securely tucked up until birth, and baby would stretch it and use it as an escape hatch when he is ready. And yes it will hurt and mummy will make funny noises but they will stop quickly and it will be more than worth it if the other three babies she ahd are anything to go by.

TBH, ds2 is only a bit interested, ds1 is mroe interested in the palcenta (because his failed) and what i will do with it.

[VictorianSqualor]

LadySnaders, I am 24 weeks and have just had this conversation with my 7 year old, so I totally understand.

I have explained to her that it will hurt a bit, because my belly squeezes itself to push the baby out, and that as I'm all emotional(she understands that there are lots of hormones making me react differently lately) at the moment I'll probably cry and moan lots (said with a smile). I also said that it doesn't hurt all the time you're in labour, it's just that
labour lasts for a long time so it gets tiring too, which makes you more fed up.

She knows she and her brother were born by cs but that I want a VBAC, when she asked why I said it's just easier, because with a VB the pain stops when baby is born but with a cs
the pain comes after when your body fixes itself and I want to be able to look after her and her siblings without pain.

She knows that there is a 'special hole' in your vagina, called the birth canal that opens up big when baby is ready to come out, and that it happens when your belly is squeezing.

She listenend to everything then said 'Mum, can I see if Hannah Montana is on so I don't think it made much of an impact!

HTH, if there is anything you want to know (how I explained it anyway) just ask.

[harpsichordcarrier]

what about some books about home birth hold on I will see if I can find them

[harpsichordcarrier]

www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Birth-Day-Robie-Harris/dp/0744552648/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 153714&sr=8-2

this is a good one, shows the cord being but and iirc has a lovely picture of a woman having a contraction!

[harpsichordcarrier]

I really like this one,it is very sweet but honest

[motherinferior]

I honestly think he's well old enough to know the lot...

[LadySanders]

harpsichord, thank you, like the look of 2nd one...

[lennygirl]

Message withdrawn

[LadySanders]

motherinferior, agree, am not avoiding the issue, but prefer to deal with each question he asks in a relaxed way as it comes up rather than sitting him down for serious talk kind of thing... so had various questions when i first told him i was pg, which were answered honestly, but didn't happen to cover specifically how the sperm meets egg... am more than happy to discuss with him as and when he asks more... like the drip feeding of info approach as he doesn't seem inhibited about asking when he wants to know more...

[lennygirl]

Message withdrawn

[VictorianSqualor]

Lady, I'm all with you there, DD didn't know all that til she told her brother that baby gets cut out of mummys belly, then I said, 'actually, no, I'm hoping this one won't' and she asked questions that I explained.

She still doesn't know how babies are made as such, she knows all about periods/childbirth/different organs and how they work etc, because she asked, I don't think I'd bother actually sitting her down to tell her, but if she was going to see me give birth I think I'd have to bring it up, maybe watch a film with a woman starting labour in it???

I'm sure there must be a childrens film somewhere with the woman getting the first contractions.

[seeker]

dd was 5 when ds was born and questioned me in great detail until she had ALL the facts straight in her head then went and told all her friends. Nobody seemed to mind - I think some people were relieved that they hadn't had the conversation themselves! Dd's best friend still remembers being amazed and disbelieving and rushing home to ask her mother whether it was all true!

[Awenamanger]

DS (7) has asked me loads of questions about my pregnancy and how hs brother is coming out (also hoping for VBAC). He has looked through all the pregnancy books i have and seen pictures of babies coming out etc. He finds it interesting as not worried at all. I have been having pains for 3 weeks now, he is aware i am a bit uncomfortable but that it is a good hurt as it means my body is trying to help the baby out.

[JingleyJen]

Ds 1 (nearly 4) asked me how babies came out so I did the wee / poo / baby hole thing with him - he just said oh ok and walked off.

Very pleased he didn't ask how they get there - not sure I am ready for that conversation!

[ejt1764]

ds was 4 (nearly 5) when dd was born (also a vbac).

He wasn't at all interested in how the baby got there at first, but he was really interested that the baby would come out of a special tunnel in between where I do my wees and poos. He was most disappointed that he didn;t have one himself, until I reminded him that he has a willy, and I don't!

Can also third the suggestion of "Mummy laid an Egg" - he loves it!

Good luck with your vbac!

[EricScrooge]

I think we explained it all as accurately as possible whilst leaving out some of the obvious bits like exactly how the egg is fertilised and the gory details of birth - but i think most kids understand the egg growing inside you part OK.

[Christmaxbear]

My sister took photos of my home water birth and dd who is nearly three looked at a photo of the head crowning and said 'looook, a hair clip' referring to the midwifes head just visible in the photo! I think at a young age they just accept it.

[Hulababy]

DD (5yo) just knows the truth about how babies are born, where they come out. She was born by c section and she knows that that is one way, and also the normal route too. She has also seen births on TV on those Discovery Health type programmes, and we saw a lamb bon whilst at the farm last year. She has known for a while.