unprepared for birth, what education did you have?

[allaboutthebaby16]

Hi everyone, I hope I am posting this in the right place, have only joined today, did post it in the 'chat' topic but got no responses, so hoping here is kinder!

I had my first baby earlier this year and really feel the need to reach out to women other than my closest handful of friends to discuss and gain insight on experiences.

I was induced at the hospital (and apparently, despite contractions, was not in labour for over 48 hours!) and after a long labour, eventually had a forceps delivery in the operating theatre as she just wasn't coming with my pushes.

My midwives at the hospital and home were wonderful and I was lucky to have the same midwife all the way through my labour.
Me and my husband had been to all of the NCT classes antenatally (taking time off or finishing work early in order to make them!) and while they have been a wonderful means of getting a social group, I can't help but feel that they did not prepare me.

I had been taught that essentially everything would be fine if I trusted my own instinct and let the midwives be second to that. Myself and other ladies also feel our group leader was against epidurals and I felt a failure by giving in to one, even though as soon as it kicked in I was so glad that I did! haha.
I wasn't prepared for a forceps birth or to stay in hospital longer while my baby was treated for a suspected infection.
I think that being so under-prepared when I had in fact had lots of education was worse than the actual events as it meant everything was scary and unexpected.

I am wondering, have any other new mums felt that the NCT had let them down? Maybe its my age (34) & I should know better, but I wish I had a more realistic view of what labour, birth and early postnatal period would be like if I'm actually seeking the information?

Any input while baby sleeps (at 7pm! imagine!) would be great xxx

[frikadela01]

I didn't do nct however have seen countless threads on here where people have said they didnt learn much/anything they couldn't find online.

I always advise people to come in here and either ask or just have a good read of some of the threads in pregnancy/childbirth. I also generally add my own story when I see threads about induction since prior to mine I assumed it was inevitable that it would be a long process, end up of the drip and more than likely have an instrumental delivery if not a caesarean. Whereas mine was short (5hours 38 minutes once labour started 12 hours after the gel was inserted) and instrument free.

I think women need to seek out the information rather than it just coming to them.

[carmenta]

I did NCT to make friends. I educated myself about birth with lots of reading.

[nearlyteatime101]

My first birth was almost identical to yours op. I never know if it's appropriate to share birth stories that aren't 'normal' with pregnant woman. The only one time I have I was shouted down by the group for scaring the woman, whereas I thought I was just sharing my birth story. Needless to say, I haven't spoken about it since, and when friends are chatting about birth I tend to smile and nod now. I do think that there is a lot of pressure to have a 'natural' birth that those who don't are (as in the situation I described above) actively discouraged from talking about it. This might be why it is tricky to find a range of birth stories when you are expecting your first.

I've heard about the approach you describe being prevelant in the nct, I could not be arsed with it so I didn't sign up.

Sorry for the rambling.

[Mummyme87]

Did NCT as a HCP to make friends certainly wasn't going to learn anything there

[SpaceDinosaur]

DH and I are doing NCT to meet people.

I have heard nothing "good" about NCT other than "you meet nice people"

We are attending our local hospital classes (free) and learning independently too

[kiki22]

I always worry about scaring people so any first time mum I generally say (in rl) well I had induction both times and forceps first time CS second time it was fine sore but fine when actually I was so traumatised by the first time I had a full blown panic attack and cried hysterically for over an hour until exhausted when the told me I would have to be induced again, followed by panic attacks in the labour suite because it looked the same and when they done the drip, then had exactly the same problem as first time round so opted for a section I was violently shaking and couldn't open my eyes u til ds2 was born.

Really what's the point of telling someone though i was terrified the whole way through my second pregnancy knowing what could happen only made it worse ignorance is bliss if you ask me.

[melibu84]

I didn't do nct at all. My midwives were very good, but I also did lots of my own research. You sometimes just have to rely on yourself and there is loads of information online.

[ThinkOfAWittyNameLater]

I did NCT for dc1. We made good friends and learned a lot about birth - all different types - and pain relief options. The teacher was really well informed, approachable & friendly. I'd recommend her classes to anyone.

But. NCT teachers are a mixed bunch. I don't think there's much consistency between approach & possibly even the content. So if you're considering it, ask for recommendations for specific teachers/classes.

All that said, we did absolutely loads of independent research & then discussed that with our teacher. That (for us) was really helpful because first time round you have no idea what you're facing & having someone with local experience is great to give you more knowledge & confidence.

[pinguina16]

Very much agree with you OP. I could have written your post after the birth of my son.

From friends who did NHS classes the lack of information/unrealistic expectations also prevail there.
General pregnancy and birth books are written by people who have a media profile and want to sell which can be at odds with educating.

I don't think there's a conspiracy but there's definitely a great lack of an honest/pragmatic approach to birth. Political motives and narratives prevail (sometimes under the veil of evidence based information like with the NCT).

So what to do but post on MN?

[CointreauVersial]

I did NCT classes and felt very well-informed. Our teacher was great.

[Heirhelp]

Do you have two threads on this op?