What do pregnant women want from their Doula?

[Aimeebelle]

Hi All,

I am looking to train to become a Doula, I'm really excited about the process and want to be as educated as I can on things Mums-to-be (and Dads) want. Putting aside the initial fact that you have to connect with a Doula to want to have them at your birth I was wondering the following things;

What did you look for in your Doula when choosing them?
Was there any specific qualifications/courses you wanted them to have which may have swayed your decision on a particular Doula?
After deciding on your Doula how many meets did you have/want to have before your birth?
And finally...Why did you want a Doula?

I would really appreciate if anyone could answer any/all of these to give me more of an insight into what people want from their Doula not being a mother myself it would be nice to hear what you all thought about the process.

Thank you!!!

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

I wanted a doula after a traumatic time the first time round so they could support and stand up for my wishes. Didn't book one in the end as the ones I found would only be on standby a short time either side of due date. DS was premature so paying for a service I might not get seemed a waste of time.

Good luck with your studies

[barefootzenhippy]

I wanted an advocate who could put her own agenda aside and back me up/fight my corner to get me what I needed. I wasn't bothered about qualifications tbh, I just wanted someone who I felt safe and calm with.

[Aimeebelle]

Thanks Ladies, that's really interesting that you both wanted someone there to 'fight your corner' within the hospital environment. I'm very good at not taking any nonsense so I'm thinking this is definitely the path for me!

[5678group]

I'm not in the UK so I will have an obgyn as midwives dont exist here. my doula is booked to fight my corner, take the pressure of my husband as there's a very high rate of intervention here, remind both of us what we'd prefer, and hopefully keep the doctor at arms length unless she's really needed.

[Focusfocus]

Hi
Have a doula booked for my first birth which is very imminent.
I do not like approaching birth as a fight of any kind - I'm a strange mix of great trust in my body and great trust in our lovely NHS and tireless midwives.
I'm not approaching birth with any particular plan. I would like a water hypnobirth and my birth prefs say as much. But if the need for interventions is felt by the medical professionals who have seen more births than I have then I will trust them, and myself.
So why the doula? To take pressure off my husband, to be a team of three when my entire family is on the ither side of the globe, to help with positions and being upright, to take over massage etc as need be, to be around as constant support when midwives may be busy elsewhere. To gently advocate for me but I have reservations around any kind of adversarial situation. I do have a wonderful birth centre and lovely midwifery team who I've met many times and found noting but lovely so in that context this is what I want from my doula.

[Topsy34]

I had a trouble free first pregnancy and didnt feel that a doula would benefit me.

This time round, after a miscarrage in january and then blood test results that a consultant thought would indicate a higher chance of pre eclampsia and high bp, i needed back up and support of someone who isnt emotinally attached to me and could be a mediator between me and a consultant should it come to that.

The doula i have booked, i have know for 6 years, met her and her daughter at antenatal classes whilst me and her daughter were both pg at the same time.

My needs from my doula are support in my decisions and 'sticking up' for me if intervention is headed our way, helping dh understand potential problems, looking after ds should he be at home while I'm in labour or being there for me if dh is looking after ds

I trust her, so for my what i was looking for in a doula, was trust, non judgemental support, decision making help, and antenatal and post natal support.

I know a mw should be the advocate for the woman, but that isnt always the way is it?

My doula offers 2 antenatal and 2 post natal appts, plus on call 2 weeks either way and limitless email/text/phone. But i have already met her 4 times and not due for 6 weeks :) i love having her there as i have flapped a lot this time round!!!

[ohthegoats]

I needed her to stand up for what I wanted, and to help my partner panic less. That's what I thought anyway.

In the end she was the person who coached me through/in avoidance of the preferred NHS routes of intervention. Ie, I think without her I'd have been a candidate for various interventions because my baby would have been in distress. At the point things were going wrong, she really helped us both (or all three I should probably say) through it. In the end I had an epidural, which I really hadn't wanted - she reminded me about other options, but wasn't judgemental about what I actually went with - but was otherwise intervention free. I could have ridden my bike 10 days later, and I know for sure that wouldn't have been the case without her!!

[Aimeebelle]

Thank you this is all very interesting, again more of 'sticking up' for the client and intervention is being mentioned.

I spoke recently to a friend who paid for a hypnotherapy course whilst pregnant, she got herself through contractions until she was 10cm dilated and then went to hospital, and she says it all went downhill from there, midwife was brusk, didn't believe she was fully dilated as she entered the hospital so calm, kept pressuring her to push quicker as she was approaching her '1 hour push time' to get the baby out, and basically made the whole thing really stressful. I'm finding more and more that as great as many midwives can be there are equally ones that cause distress to the mother if they want an alternative style of birth and this essentially is where I'm thinking a Doula can really be a help to the mother