Painful sex after 3rd degree tear

[Minithemoocher]

I had my dd 12 weeks ago (dc1) and haven't really felt the inclination to dtd since then. I had a 3rd degree tear after a precipitous delivery and then picked up an infection too.
Last night DH and I had a go as it

[Minithemoocher]

Oops posted too soon!
So we tried it for the first time last night and had to stop as it was too painful.
Is that normal? Will it get better? I'm still waiting for a consultant and physio appt that they said would be at 12 weeks but hasn't materialised yet.
I'm also still seeing the hospital councillor as I was getting flash backs to the delivery.
I felt really rubbish when we had to stop last night and worried that it'll never be the same again. I have a great DH so there no pressure but it still made me feel terrible.

[SellMySoulForSomeSleep]

Same here. I had my DD in June with a third degree tear. We have DTD a few times and it has been painful. Its getting better each time though. As PP said lots of lube and go slow!

[Applesauce29]

Sorry you're going through this too. I had a 3rd degree tear 3 months ago and have only attempted sex once at around 8 weeks - we used lots of lube, took it slowly etc but still had to stop as full penetration was too painful. Haven't even felt in the mood since (exhaustion mainly) to attempt it since. I'm also having associated problems, so not keen on attempting it again any time soon. Am lucky DH is understanding so far.

[thomasstockmann]

I had a forceps delivery that has caused many problems (unrepaired tear described as 3d degree first now reviewed as 2d degree, episiotomy, faecal incontinence, bladder and uterus prolapse, urine retention, horrendous coccyx pain).

Anyway, I'm seeing a physio to try and be functional again. The scar was very tight so she explained how to massage + use dilators. Even with doing this for a few weeks, it took 3 attempts for a full penetration (after 7 months of abstinence). There are still problems but physio is reassuring because she says that scar tissue can take a very long time to soften.
What I can say is that yes the skin is slowly softening. The tightness is definitely minimal now but it took around 2 months of work (massage and dilators every day).

Re your "birth review" appointment, make sure you chase them up. Mine only happened because I chased them up (as if one has plenty of free time with a new born).
I hope they help you go through what has happened. All the best.

[divingoffthebalcony]

Yes, it's normal. The injury will still be healing. I didn't attempt sex for seven months and the pain was awful, it was like being a born again virgin. Everything seemed to have shrunk due to lack of use It took a lot of patience and lube and, unfortunately, pain until things felt normal again. Took about two years in all.

[Minithemoocher]

Thanks for all your messages. It's reassuring to know that it's relatively normal. I didn't think the recovery would take so long.

[divingoffthebalcony]

I had a check up with a consultant at 12 weeks postpartum and he said my stitches wouldn't even have dissolved yet (I was experiencing tenderness when sitting down still) so it really does take time.

[Roxie85]

It is totally normal. I had a 3b tear last December and it took until about 7-8 months before it wasn't painful (although we didn't dtd lots as it hurt so possibly could have been faster if we had dtd more)Relax as much as you can, take it slow and lots of lube. It'll be fine in the end.