Due in 2 weeks with no. 2 and I suddenly need to share last birth story

[Purplelooby]

It's been on my mind so much. I need to share this to get it straight in my head and to hear from mums who had a much better second birth. Thanks for indulging me.

At 38+3, 2 am my waters went in bed. Contractions started immediately and we went in to get checked out as I was high risk due to a low-lying fibroid. Got sent home feeling happy but knowing baby was posterior. I laboured at home until 7 pm using all my hypnobirthing and then went in.

Only 2 cm and devastated as I was in agony. Also baby was distressed. Laboured another 8 hours in hospital and only progressed half a cm. Asked for pethidine but wasn't allowed it because of baby's heart rate. By now I was only allowed to lie down because baby was in more distress when I was mobile, on ball or all fours... and these were the only positions that helped me cope. Then drip started and I only remember hallucinating until an epidural was put in a couple of hours later. Drip kept having to stop as baby heart rate got critical and they took blood from his head before restarting drip. 9 hours after drip started I was ready to push but DS heart didn't return to baseline quickly enough after pushes and we got rushed to theatre where I was prepped for cs but DS was born by trial forceps.

Then I haemorrhaged (actually from a wound in my vagina from the forceps) and was being stitched up for 2 hours 40 mins.

Anyway I didn't sleep the next night because of the adrenaline and the bright lights of HDU and I didn't realise how I'll I was until I was given 3 units of blood. The next night on the ward I didn't sleep because DS literally screamed all night. Then after going home we ended up back on the children's ward with an ill baby and I was up for two more nights on the ward expressing and trying (failing) to feed it to him.

At the end of all this, having missed 5 and a half nights sleep, severely anaemic, in pain and with an infection in the wound, I started trying to look after a newborn. Unsurprisingly this led to PHD.

Thank you if you made it this far. Please tell me 2nd time will be better. I'm especially scared about the recovery while trying to bf my newborn and look after 18 mo DS.

[Purplelooby]

PND not PHD - although my viva may come a close second when listing the most traumatic experiences of my life!

[IsletsOfLangerhans]

Gosh, sounds almost identical to my experience with dd1! Just wanted to say dd2 came along in a slow, steady but stitch and stress-free manner. I was back home cooking tea within 24 hours. Hope it goes as well for you...

[Northernlurker]

PND was a very likely consequence of the trauma, the sleep deprivation and pain. Tbh it would have been remarkable if you hadn't developed it. So as far as that goes, look you had EXCEPTIONALLY bad luck with the delivery and aftermath. Very unlikely to have that again, not least because you can use that experience as a yardstick to measure how things are going and advocate for yourself what you want to happen.
It sounds like your cervix didn't dilate because he wasn't in a great position to put pressure on it? Then the forceps delivery led to another injury and physical consequences. Ok you can use this - tell every HCP you meet that this is what you don't want to happen. They need to make plans and if necessary suggest interventions that ensure it doesn't. You know what you're asking for. It's their job to sort it.
You are in a position of knowledge now to know what works for you and what doesn't. That's the basic difference between first births and subsequent ones. What I noticed was with dd2 (I was 23) the midwives listened to me much more than when having dd1 at 21. Neither was a bad birth but dd2 was better than dd1. The feeling of elation afterwards was something I didn't have with dd1. Dd3 was better still even though that was the one I had a PPH with.
Birth is unpredictable tbh. You cannot control it. What you can do is arm yourself and your partner with what you want and still do trust your body. It didn't quite get it together for you last time but it does know how to do this.

[gilliangoof]

Sounds very like my first birth. Second one was great. A completely different experience and absolutely nothing to worry about. Good luck.

[ASmidgeofMidge]

Hi purple. That sounds like a really tough first experience of childbirth. Fwiw.... My first dc was born after 4 days' labour (she was also back to back). Was initially repeatedly sent home from hosp as was only 1cm dilated, but on 4th day, after being close to the edge with pain and sleep deprivation, they agreed to admit me for stronger pain relief, and at that stage my waters went. Also had forceps&episiotomy. I didn't even have to contend with some of the other health issues you mention, or a re admission, but I can v much relate to your comments about being discharged with exhaustion and pain, and then having to look after a newborn - I was dx'd with PND too.

Second dc was born via induction in Jan. He wasn't posterior, and labour was prompted by first pessary given. It lasted 7 hrs, and this time there was no forceps / episiotomy. I coped so much better with the pain without the sleep deprivation, and (almost) enjoyed the labour - at the least I get like an active participant in it. It was worlds apart from the first time - so much better.

All the best

[ASmidgeofMidge]

*felt like an active participant

[Purplelooby]

Oh ladies thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. It's so nice to hear how many of you have had a better 2nd experience. Baby isn't in a great position this time either and I'm trying all the baby spinning to no avail.

I think I'll spend less time being brave and just go for an epidural if I have a back labour again. I think it would have shortened it considerably because I could bare to lie in my side (he turned just before coming out)

[Northernlurker]

That sounds like a plan. If you are having that sort of very painful, slow labour then an epidural is going to help you keep rested and feeling in control. You may find that this baby slots in to place quicker too simply because they are the second baby not the first.

[Boogles91]

Awww sorry to hear that :( i do hope this times a bit smoother for you. I love reading other peoples experiances as im half way with my first and i am looking foward to everything, all the pain what my labour will be like the lot! :) and i have the most supportive and wonderful husband any lady could ever ask for! X

[singlespeedlass]

That sounds very similar to my first birth, though fortunately did not develop PND afterwards. Am now pg with number 2 and at 26 weeks, starting to get worried about the birth. Am trying to approach positively and determined to have as little intervention as possible. Unfortunately PPH last time probably rules out a home birth. I do feel as though I trust my body and instincts more this time though. Good luck over the next coupl of weeks. Please keep us posted on how you get on.

Would also prob list my PhD viva as stressful situation number 2!!

[PastaandCheese]

Ok. My first wasn't as bad as yours but I did have severely distressed baby born by forceps without an epidural in place so it was still fairly awful and whilst I didn't suffer PND I did have flash backs and felt very sad about it all.

I had my second last week. 50 minutes and two pushes. It was an incredible experience and very cathartic.

I was determined not to have birth on my back a second time but I had what the midwife called a 'leg labour' which meant the pain in my thighs was just ridiculous and I was only using gas. I couldn't take my own weight so lay on my left side, propped up on pillows.

It was a great position for me and I very quickly had an over whelming urge to push. Never had that first time.

I sincerely hope your second is as easy as mine OP and it helps you put the first birth firmly behind you.

[Purplelooby]

50 minutes?? Oh how I hope for this! Still waiting for now - due on Monday so I'm further than I ever was with DS...

Thanks for all your support ladies - I'll post when I've given birth however it goes xx

[PastaandCheese]

Yep! I know! Was 3cm with waters intact just an hour before he arrived and they were going to send me home as i'd only come in for monitoring. Once the waters went he was like greased lightening. The recovery has been so easy. A million miles away from last time.

The only thing i'd say is this birth is likely to be significantly quicker and you need to remember this. I was panicking a bit at one point because it was very painful, very quickly with no real break between contractions. I was convinced I had hours and hours of that to go which wasn't a happy thought. I wish I'd listened to the midwife sooner when she said the baby was coming very quickly.

I think the moral of everyone's second birth story is that it is a million miles away from their first.

You say you might just have the epidural early on this time..... Maybe just see how you progress and have that as your 'go to' plan? There are no medals given out on the labour ward after all so it's a perfectly reasonable plan.

[PastaandCheese]

Oh, I went 4 days later with the second. 41 weeks

I sympathise. The wait is agonising.