Giving birth on your own

[ooosabeauta]

Just to clarify, I mean without a birth partner, but in a hospital with midwives.

Has anybody done this through choice? How was it? I know it might sound weird to a lot of people, but at 38+5 days I've got a bit of a compulsion to go and do the labour alone. My dh is the perfect labour partner; very encouraging, supportive and lovely, but after a difficult first labour I am pretty traumatised and really feel like I'd like to go along and do it alone, perhaps to take the pressure off. I feel very selfish about this because I know dh would like to be there, but I'm not really coping with the thought of re-living my first experience.

And anyone who went and laboured alone but not through choice, how did you find it? I'd really appreciate anyone sharing their experience.

[Oblomov]

Gave birth alone, both times. i wanted him dh there, but mine was very quick ( was pushing, withing 20 minutes) and i was in hospital 1.5 hours from home.
i certainly wouldn't choose it. but i did it. I lived !! both my births ended up as cs's. both were fab. i wouldn't change a thing.

I am more concerned about how you feel. have you talked to anyone about why you feel this way ? did you have counselling after your horrific first birth ? poor you, you sound like you need it.

Mn is fab at helping people with the trauma post birth.
hope somoen comes on soon who can help you. who can help you prior to your imminent second birth.

[ooosabeauta]

Thank you Oblomov for sharing your experience. Sorry to hear that you didn't get to have your dh there when you wanted him. Sounds like you did a good job getting through it both times.

I had an appointment which was meant to be with an obstetric consultant to discuss my previous birth, but five minutes before the appointment a new student was dispatched to me instead, who hadn't read my labour notes and was very disparaging of my fears. This has left me feeling a bit vulnerable. I just think I need to get over it quickly now and get on with it, but maybe would be best off doing that on my own!

[expatinscotland]

Mine was also not through choice. We live in a rural area and DH had to stay back with our older two children.

I second Ob's advice, too.

[ooosabeauta]

Thanks expat. There's also an element of me thinking that it would be easier for dh to be with ds as I've never really been away from him, and would feel better knowing that he's being looked after by dh and carrying on as normal.

Maybe I'll look into some sort of discussion of the births after this time.

[bubbahubba]

Have you thought of having a doula oosabeauta?
DH could then stay with DS and she could support you as much or as little as you wanted.

do you live close to a hosp so your hubby could get there relatively quickly if you needed him?

[saoirse86]

This is a really big decision so don't rush into it (although you obviously haven't got long to go!). Your DH could feel pushed out by all this and probably just wants to be there to support you through everything, especially as he knows your previous birth was so traumatic. It seems like you really need to talk through your previous birth with a MW or someone, and see if there's anything that can be done to prevent any issues you had last time and put your mind at rest a bit.
In terms of your son, is there someone who can be available to look after him if necessary? Someone he knows well like a grandparent or friend of yours?
Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well for you all.

[Oblomov]

well, I hope that you can do something now, prior to your births. sorry to hear that the student was so disparaging. in my nature, once i had recovered, say after a couple of months, i would have phoned and demanded a new appointment to have someone go through my notes.
my local hospital still offeres this service. is like a birth trauma counselling. you phone up and within a couple of days, the women, trained and sympathetic. goes through your notes. she listened to my friend sobbing and sobbing. told it was o.k.. aknowledged certain things that weren't done 'as well as maybe they could of'. and also gave my freind medical expertise and said, no thats not a valid grievance. the reason the nurse did this was a/b/c and my friend accepted this and felt a whole lot better about it all.

this is still possible for you. there is still time. this could really benefit you, if you do it now, BEFORE your next birth.
Best of luck.

[mama2mooandbabymoo]

Dp only just made it for dd1's labour. I wish he hadnt!

For dd2's birth I chose very early on not to have dp present. He was in the waiting though in case he was needed.

It was fab! I felt so much more relaxed and used a position to give birth in that I wouldnt have if he had been there.

He came up once I had had my bits checked over. It was great!

If I ever had more I would have dp in the waiting room again!

[ooosabeauta]

Thank you for all your responses.

Mama2moo, that is really interesting and I didn't know whether anyone would be able to say that they felt better alone. I think I might be able to stay a bit more focussed and sort of internalise a bit better. I did give birth the first time in the kind of position that I think you're hinting at, and certainly would aim to again! Lord knows how long it would have gone on otherwise It's lovely to hear that your experience was good second time.

Oblomov thanks for that. That's the sort of thing that I think my consultant appointment was meant to be like. The annoying thing is that I know a few people who've had appts with the consultant I was meant to see and who'd said how fantastic they'd been, so I feel a bit short-changed that I was given someone different and worse at the last moment. I've sort of 'had my go', except it was wasted with this pretender instead. I'll speak to my midwife on Monday if I'm still going.

Thanks saoirse, yes I do want to bear his feelings in mind, but I know he's just most concerned that I get through it however I can. Luckily my parents are on hand to look after ds.

Bubbahubba that's an interesting idea, which I know works for lots of people. I feel like I really want to be as alone as possible though, IYKWIM, and I'm worried I'd suffer performance anxiety! We're only ten mins away from the hospital so dh could always join me I think.

[tablefor3]

Oosa - could you not ring your MW or the appt people before Monday and explain that you were expecting a Consultant appointment and instead got a student instead. And they did not address the points that you wanted, so you'd like that Consultant appointment now, please. You've "not had your go" in any meaningful way, I think.

[ooosabeauta]

tablefor3 that is a good idea, and something I should have done a few weeks ago after I saw her. Thanks for being supportive. I'm 39 weeks today and haven't got a lot of fight in me. I can't sleep and I don't know how I'm going to do this!