13 yr old ds has started with severe anxiety disorder

[vonny11]

Hi im new to mn and was hoping someone else has or is going through what we're experiencing. I was taken into hospital for a routine laparotomy but ended up with a blood clo and pneumonia and nearly died. Whilst I was in hospital my ds wouldn't visit and told his dad that he had a s&d bug. When he went back to school he was refused by a teacher to go to the loo so he left the clasd room but soiled himself on way to loo. He rang me from loo hysterical and I got in touch with school and they sorted it no one was aware of this. He then sent me a txt the 2nd night I came out of hosp saying help me I cant do it. I went to talj to ds and he said he had an overwhelming fear that when he was away from us he wasnt safe and he wasbegging me not to send him to school. Took him to gp on the monday and he said the diarrhoea he was experiencing and the fear was being caused by a anxiety disorder. On the tues I couldn't get him to go to school he was crying and rocking and hadnt slept and had been to the loo loads. This went on fot about 2 weeks with me taking him to gps every 3 days. His excema then flared up really bad with huge sores in his head. I got a referal to cams. The school were good and when I managed to get him to school they put him in bridge where he spent all the time in the loo or crying. He even barrackaded himslf in the loos refusing to come out because if he did something bad would happen. We had to come and coax him out. I rang cams and they arranged a 1st appnt for week after. They have said that he has focussed on me being ill and the soiling at school has caused him to obsess over death and his stomach pains and runs are a result of this. They said he needed to be seen urgently but the gp also needed to rule out any physical reasons for the runs. He has now lost over half a stone spends his day ob and off the loo wont go out of yhe house even when we went to gp I had to reassure there was a loo. He was still like this over easter infact the need to go to the loo is even more frequent. Sunday night came and he was shaking he was sick he was rocking begging not to go to school. I treid from 6 am to get him up I eventually said he didnt have to go. Ive got another gp appnt tomorrow can I ask my gp to sign something to say he is mentally unable to go to school at moment. I'm at my wits end all his friends have deserted him hes really down and im worried as he has said he doesnt want to go on like this anymore. Any ideas anyone please. Thankyou sorry its so long vonny11

[anthropology]

It seems like it was a very frightening time for both of you, and he sounds like a sensitive boy . You and he definitely needs CAMHS expertise and professional support at the moment . Try not to worry about school and friends, as he has plenty of time, when he feels stronger. (my DD had a year out in the end). My advice from having a very depressed teen, is if he is at home, try to create structure to the day (perhaps tutors ?), find things to do which relax him.(we baked together). My DD kept a journal, which helped her. . Write down as much as you can for Camhs to help them understand and if you are worried about his safety (not wanting to go on) call CAMHS urgently. I accessed some CBT support via my GP, and it helped me handle the stress and I think understand how to communicate with my DD . best of luck.

[vonny11]

Thankyou for your reply its been really useful I had a visit from the school welfare officer today she has informed ds he had been taken off gcse for graphics as hes missed too much course work I think its a relief for both of us. She also mentioned getting some structure in his day and has agreed in principle to have work sent home for next 2 weeks. She also said I need to get him out of the house even if its just for a walk. The gp has also referred him to peads to see a gastrointestinal doc to see if theres a physical cause for continuous runs. She left ds to decide if he feels like going back to schoo for short periods of time but each day ecen if its only for a few hrs. It was horrid having to listen to him try and tell her how he was feeling and what made it worse ive suggested the journal idea and ive started my list for camhs thanks so much for your support. Hope your dd is ok.

[anthropology]

glad school are being supportive. another thought is if there are relatives or friends he gets on with, invite them round for short bursts - if he can cope . Sometimes they can open up a little with an older relative, or someone who has been through teenage stress who will be relaxed if he doesnt want to talk etc.....My DD had a tough couple of years, and spent some time in hospital, but she is now finishing her A levels and off to university. much stronger and happier with lovely friends. It may take a bit of time to change coping strategies, but in my experience of quite a few young people, with the right help and family support, most do get through , particularly post 16 in terms of school/college . Do assure him that many other teenagers have problems coping at this age, as he will probably feel isolated. Young Minds is a useful website for you, and they do offer a parents call back service from experts, which in your case, with your DSs specific physical response, might be helpful, to get tips about how to help him at home. Keep pushing CAMHS and look after yourself.

[Vicky176]

Hi, so sorry to hear of your troubles. My daughter is 15 and has been suffering from anxiety for 12 months now. It's a very frustrating, difficult, tiring path, but it's so important to not give in to it ... We've kept doing things and giving her the choice to come with us or to b on her own (she always comes with us as she doesn't want to be alone). It's often under duress though. I have had to alter work patterns to accommodate her restrictions also, which isn't great. I really hope you can all work through it. Look after yourself too, it's so easy to get run down. X

[anthropology]

agree Vicky176, its so important to look after yourself too. I hope things get better for your DD too as she gets a bit older and those around her are a lot calmer too. I had to give up work completely for a time, and life was day by day, trying to celebrate the little victories, and not get dragged down too far, but in the long term, I know it was the best decision for us and she now ready to try independence.

[Vicky176]

I'm so pleased that you're coming out the other side now. It's certainly a long difficult road. We had 6 months to wait for camhs but she's finally seeing someone and I can see small improvements. It must've been so difficult to give up work ... But you're hands are tied at the time and you get little option. I just hope she continues to improve