Son won't talk

[Superdupa123]

Hey, I came on here to get some general advice to decide wether it was worth taking the next step to see a doctor or not.

My son is 10 years old and has always had trouble talking to adults and strangers and new peoe. He has no problems in his speech at all and can talk to perfectly to me at home or to his friends who is close too at school. It's just that when an adult/ child asks him something or tries to talk to him he just goes silent and won't talk all. This can include teachers at school, dentists, doctors, kids that he's never met before, my own friends who he's known all his life, even members of family!
He starts senior school in sept and I'm worried that he's going to find in difficult with all the new teachers and obviously new kids there that's he's never met. I've put it down to shyness in the past but after having his parents evening at school tonight and taking to his teacher, I'm wondering wether there is more too it than just being shy! Any advice would be welcome . Thank you!

[munchkinmaster]

Does he talk to adults at all outside the home?

It sounds like more than shyness to me. You could call it social anxiety or selective mutism (that's the word for when children feel to anxious to talk to certain people).

I think now is the time to act as it seems he needs to build confidence and I'd go to gp and ask for referral to child and adolescent mental health service.

[Superdupa123]

No he doesn't seem to want to talk to adults/ strangers. Even children at times. He just goes quiet, for example dentists, doctors I have to do the talking for him.

He will talk to his cousins who are about the same age as my two and his group of close friends he has at school but there's no guarantee that they are going to be with him when he goes to senior school. I've also noticed that he will talk to other kids if he thinks that no ones watching. Many of his teachers in the past have had to resort to nods or shakes of the head in the past just to get an answer out of him, yet when he's with me he talks none stop!

His teacher did say that maybe it was worth seeing a gp to get him referred, so I'm thinking it's best.

[munchkinmaster]

Think it's not so odd to not talk to doctors etc but not talking to teachers or friends when a teacher is in earshot is more than shy. Maybe google selective mutism and have a read?

[Superdupa123]

I will do thank you :-)

[LondonBus]

My older bother was exactly like this.

But he is now 50, and I think things were a bit different back in those days. My parents did nothing about it, which totally amazes me now.

He did struggle for 20 many years to get a job, after graduating from university, but finally found him self, and is now happily married with children and job. He is still a man of very few words in certain situations, like shops or with waiting staff, which can make me cringe, at times!

Things are very different these days, though, and as there is help out there, you should get it for your DS.

[Superdupa123]

Morning, just to let you know I've been reading about selective mutism and it definitely sounds like that's what it is, so I'll make the appointment to get him referred and see how it goes!

Thank you for your advice :-)

[OldBeanbagz]

Watching with interest as i have a 9 year old DS who is exactly like your son (though he does talk to his teachers).

I have learnt to be very patient and to wait until the very last moment before speaking for him.

Interesting he will talk to older people who he has a common interest with - like cycling or Star Wars.

Do you have any older children? I sometimes wonder if DS not speaking is linked to his outgoing big sister?

[Superdupa123]

Yes I have another son whose 15, usually the older one is off doing his own stuff. They have the usual sibling fights but more often than not, they get along fairly well. It's not very often however they will do stuff together tho.

School in it self has never been a problem for him, he's always eager to go and has never made excuses not to go.

Times I have been patient and not spoke for him straight away and just waited to see if he answers, but I can see the uncomfortable look on his face as if to say I don't want to say anything.

If I have friends over who he knows and has been around many times, if he is downstairs it's not v long before he disappears upstairs out of the way.

It's not nice to see him like this and many people put it down to just shyness . I for one had never heard of selective mutism until now , but I have a gp consultation tomorrow so hopefully I can start the ball rolling to try and help him before senior school in sept.

[munchkinmaster]

Glad to hear things are moving.

[OldBeanbagz]

Hi Superdupa123, just wondering how you were getting on? Have you gmanaged to get help for your DS?