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Please help just recieved worrying text from DD 14

(63 Posts)
treadingwater123 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:03:01

Recieved this text from my daughter after she said she needed to talk to me, I went into her room and could see she'd been crying but she just kept saying she didn't know how to tell me

I left her alone for a while and got this text
I wanna go to the doctors cos I think I have depression and anxiety and I cut sometimes and i can't like cope, I get so frustrated and upset an down and everything all the time idek

Youvr both handled it brilliantly. Hope each day is better than the last one for you both x

Selks Fri 24-Jan-14 13:11:04

Treading, it depends...referral can normally be done quite quickly but in some areas there can be a wait to be seen by CAMHS as unfortunately they often have waiting lists. However, children who are self harming or suicidal are normally seen urgently for assessment.
I would suggest the following:
- Go back to GP and request CAMHS referral
- Once that is done CAMHS should be in touch to let you know what is happening / when she will be seen
- If you don't hear from CAMHS soon do phone them to ask what is going on. Also if DD deteriorates or you have worries they usually have a Duty person available that you can talk to
- While you are waiting for CAMHS to get in touch you can continue to access the GP for support or if you are concerned
- If the suicidal feelings increase to the point that you are concerned she may act on them, or if the self harm is more significant / life threatening (e.g. overdose) then go straight to your local A&E with DD.

In the meantime, you are doing all the right things with DD. Keep up the unconditional support, but if she can't put her feelings into words yet that is ok - the main thing is that she is able to tell you how she is feeling even if it is just 'ok' 'not good' 'terrible' etc.
You could suggest that she tries writing down how she feels, allow her to keep this private if she wants. Let her know that there is nothing she could say that would stop you loving her etc.
It's important to keep up normal life as well. Let her still have time to herself, see friends, do fun things etc. Keep up normal routines and boundaries etc. I know it's hard not to feel like you're treading on egg shells but young people in this situation need to feel supported (as your DD does) but that people are not panicking about what is happening. Let her know that many young people feel as she does, and it is a period in her life that she will come out the other end of a stronger person.

I'm a CAMHS practitioner by the way. Best wishes with it all.

treadingwater123 Fri 24-Jan-14 13:55:41

Thankyou selks - I'm struggling with the life as normal bit, although she been happily getting up for school so that's good
I bought her her favourite sushi and drinks yesterday and have offered to take her to wagamam for lunch tomorrow (her fave ever place ) should I not be indulging her, I just want to make her feel little better x

Selks Fri 24-Jan-14 15:28:42

It's great to spend positive time together, that's always a good thing, but I'd try to present that as 'a good thing to do anyway' not specifically because of the situation right now. The main thing is to be mindful of your own feelings and anxiety about recent events. It's bound to be alarming and worrying, any parent would feel upset and worries if their child is unhappy and self harming, but it's important to find ways of managing how you feel and keeping a balanced approach to life with DD.
However, you're the real expert on you and your DD, not me, and it sounds like you've been doing a great job of supporting DD.

Facebaffle Fri 24-Jan-14 18:27:22

l'm so glad your daughter has confided in you. You must be a great mum for her to feel that she can tell you what she has done.

I am also waiting for an appointment with CAMHs and have been since the start of December. Our circumstances are different to yours and I hope the self harming issue means you're not waiting as long.

I was given some advice from another mum prior to getting an appointment. She told us to write everything down about what our daughter has said or done (we're dealing with ocd). She said it was so easy to forget things when you eventually get an appointment and your notes will act as a prompt.

I don't know if I've missed it anywhere but have you informed your daughters school? They may have a student counsellor who can have a word with her and even if they don't then it's good to keep them in the loop.

Keep us updated. Good luck smile smile

Theoscargoesto Fri 31-Jan-14 09:59:14

Can I suggest that you ask your daughter to look at the ChildLine website, and to contact them? They are a brilliant resource. Sometimes it's hard for children to talk to us, but talking to someone is important. You are doing a great job of making sure she knows you will support her whatever happens. Take care.

anthropology Fri 28-Feb-14 09:11:38

just seen this thread and having been there, wonder if you had an urgent referral to camhs and found other support for her and you ?

anthropology Sat 12-Apr-14 08:28:36

You sound like a lovely mum who is doing the right things and shes done the best thing by letting you know . If she showed the GP evidence she was suicidal, he needs to refer her urgently to camhs to assess the danger to herself - (rather than involve a friend ?) and she may well be more vulnerable for a while having shared her feelings . Try not to blame yourself(I know how hard that is) she may not understand why she feels as she does and its hard to reveal such dark thoughts to mum . I would ask Monday for an urgent referral, and phone the relevant department to push things. If she needs someone sooner, find someone qualified/ specialising in adolescents - privately run (but NHS used) adolescent units often have psychotherapists who see patients privately and have a lot of experience.

It may take some time to unravel and find the right support and things may get more difficult for a while, so try not to worry too much about schoolwork/friends etc if she isnt strong enough to cope. Try to assure her that many other teenagers struggle at this age, depression is an illness, and with the right treatment and support, she can be helped. best of luck to both of you.

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 21:50:32

7 months on and things are badsad are any of you still around x

badRoly Sun 23-Nov-14 21:58:14

I have no experience and can't really advise but couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry your ds is still struggling.

chamade Sun 23-Nov-14 22:00:22

Bless you. PM if you want...I experienced this with dd

Canyouforgiveher Sun 23-Nov-14 22:00:27

treadingwater, I didn't see the original post but my 14 year old dd also struggles with depression and anxiety. Some (luckily)minor self-harming too. She has been seeing a therapist for a couple of years and that gave some help but to be honest, nothing changed until she saw a pharma-psychiatrist. She is now on medication and the difference is amazing. She went off them over the summer which was okish but the minute she hit the stress of school again, she had a melt-down (think school refusal, harming, misery etc). She is now back on medication and is coping much much better. I know many doctors are reluctant to prescribe for teenagers. Ours was not like that. dd literally could not cope without it. She is still continuing therapy - it is not an either/or but both.

not sure if this helps at all. I know how hard it is. It is miserable to see someone you love go through this and it is also hard to separate the normal teen stuff from depression from personality. What we say (and doctor says) to our dd is that this is not a permanent thing. This way of treatment is for now but in a couple of years may be completely unnecessary. wishing you the best.

goodasitgets Sun 23-Nov-14 22:04:37

Is she still cutting?
I started at 15. The easiest way for me to explain it is I do it when I can't deal with emotions. When you get so angry or frustrated or hate yourself so much. It's easier to dress a physical wound than deal with the actual feelings
I've been through CBT, meds and person led counselling. Feel free to PM me

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 22:20:55

So much more has happened - turns out she was being badly bullied which led to school refusal then moving schools.

My dad died in just and my grandpa died two weeks later my mum then became very critically ill in intensive care

Ok so so exhausted and feeling like I can't cope and dd is really anxious and low again

She is completely refusing school or to engage with anyone refusing counselling, gp appointments and will only communicate with me via text message

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 22:21:43

I feel completely lost as to what to do and YES so hard to tell what is teenage bad attitude / depression / personality

It's so difficult not to blame myself

Hassled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:27:42

I'm so sorry you're going through this - on it's own it's hard enough (my DD was diagnosed with severe depression when she was a bit older, 17) but with everything else as well you must be in pieces.

But you mustn't ever blame yourself. I did that - and really, with DD it was never about my parenting. I wasted energy blaming myself that with hindsight I can see I should have spent on her. You sound like a great mother who's doing the best you can - and that's all you can expect from yourself. Hang on in there - it'll get easier.

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 22:29:02

What do I do then? When she wont engage - I don't know what to do

Hassled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:32:24

Is she getting any outside help at all at the moment?

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 22:36:45

Supportive school and referring to school counsellor again

Im crying my she's out she's sending me some texts saying she doesn't want to be here

Hassled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:41:29

I wish I knew how to help you. But you need to talk to an expert - get on to the GP in the morning and make sure he/she knows how bad things are. And yes, if they ask, it is an emergency.

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 22:45:06

I've just been into her after her Sending me texts saying she doesn't want to be here anymore and she just tells me to go away

Hassled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:50:25

I know that "go away" stuff is heart-breaking, but she knows you love her and she knows you're there for her. Please talk to someone in the morning - GP first, and see where you go from there.

MoJangled Sun 23-Nov-14 22:53:22

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any magic solutions but just wanted to offer a hand hold.

She's texting you, so she's communicating with you, even if talking face-face is too much for her to do just now, which is much better than not texting you.

The not wanting to be here - that sounds very alarming. Are you concerned she may do something now/soon? if so, I guess you have two choices (that I can think of): call 999; or go and sit in her room with
her, quietly with a book or laptop or something, saying that you're just going to be with her but there's no need to talk, just so that you're with her.

Really good luck. You sound like a wonderful mother doing everything you can. xx

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 23:11:17

Every time I go in her room shes Getting totally agitated

treadingwater123 Sun 23-Nov-14 23:12:11

Ive texted her to say ill take her to hospital and she said fuck off

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