please talk to me feeling desparate

[goldcorn]

My d d age 14 has not been to school for 6months. She was getting more and more difficult to get to school making herself late and saying not well. Eventually she refused to go at all and had panic attacks. She now has a home tutor but d d will only talk to her through a closed bedroom door. She will not see any friends and will only see me her dad and grandma. I can,t even get her to docs. She had 2 appointments with cahms but we couldn't get her there. After a long time they did a home visit now a month ago. She wouldn't see them only wrote hello on paper when asked. She spends most of time in her room. She is getting more panicky and feeling sick a lot also sags she feels dizzy a lot too. Camhs coming again this week but I am so worried that they will say she needs to be hospitalized. She would be terrified and so would we. On Friday she did do an hour of on line counselling which it has taken me ages to get her to do. She has not seen friends or been out for so long that now the thought frightens her. Camhs would tell us nothing when they came. Do you think they will send her to hospital? She is eating and not self harming. But all she does is watch tv computer and phone. She does txt friends and will talk to some of them on phone. I am so worried and sometimes feel I cannot take much more as nothing I do seems to help her get motivated to see anyone or do anything.

[HeySoulSister]

what would happen if you removed her tv/phone/computer? she sounds very comfortable up in her room

[goldcorn]

Thank you no-one has said anything about hospital but it was something I was wondering. Yes she is ok in her room and I have always been scared of making things worse by removing the only things she seems to do. I just can,t understand how she is thinking or feeling and would like someone to help me. I know this is not going to be quick.

[thornrose]

Goldcorn, I think perhaps you have reached your "worst" and maybe you have nothing to lose by trying to take the computer and phone into the living room as a first step?

[MrBloomsMarrow]

goldcorn I work in mental health and I really sympathise. I'm surprised CAMHS aren't treating this more seriously if she hasn't been to school for so long and will only speak to a tutor through the door.
Personally I would try taking the gadgets away just to see how she reacts.
It's a bit of a misconception that people can only be sectioned if they're a risk to themselves or others - it can also be done "in the interests of the person's health" which is a lot more subjective obviously. Actually, only a minority of patients detained under the mental Health Act are considered a risk to themselves or others.
I'm not suggesting she needs hospital admission, just clarifying the system.
When she's actually with you, how does she seem? Is her self care OK? i don't mean eating, I mean looking after her appearance.
It sounds as though she may be experiencing extreme anxiety in which case, the longer she stays in this situation, the more frightening the thought of going out becomes so treatment usually involves some kind of graded exposure programme eg starting with just going out of the door and building up the time she goes out for and building up to social situations. I'm not saying that anxiety is definitely the problem, obviously I don't know.
The aim is never to admit anyone to hospital unless other less restrictive options have been tried first but if that ultimately happen, adolescent wards are very different to adult wards. They're much nicer environments, there's a smaller number of patients and they're usually very well resourced in terms of psychology and OT input. They also sometimes admit people as day patients which doesn't happen on adult wards. They also involve the family a lot and tend to have lots of meetings with all the family present.
I work with young adults with MH problems but there is a worker in our team who works with under 18s.
She's on leave this week but I will run your story past her when I see her and see what she thinks. She works very closely with the CAMHS psychiatrist so she can speak to him for an opinion.

[goldcorn]

Thank you very much for replying. She does kook after herself showers, always spraying perfume. She used to wear make up now she doesn't but says that she's not going out so no need. She chats quite happily most of the time. I think that she has built up the thought of seeing people and going out to be very scary. She has always been quite shy. Camhs are coming tomorrow so we will see what they say. Really still scared they will take had to hospital. Would they drag her away she wouldn't go willingly.

[MrBloomsMarrow]

Gold corn, just a quick post as I going out but will post properly later. They absolutely won't drag her away, I promise. As she's currently not posing any kind of risk, hospital shouldn't even be mentioned until they've tried treatment in the community. My concern would actually be that they don't take it seriously enough. I wouldn't accept any kind of talk of "wait and see" because IME, it's very unlikely that situation is just going to get better without some kind of intervention. Hope it goes well today x

[goldcorn]

Thank you that's reassuring. They cahms doctor came today and we did get her to come and meet him. Then amazingly he was able to speak to her for two hour on her own. I did think this was quite a long time for the first time and it was an ordeal for her. He then wanted us to take her in the car to the health centre where she would have to go for counselling but at this point she had had enough and broke down. I thought this was fair enough as she had done really, really to even see him. The outcome was that he said he could work with her and will come again on Monday. He wants her to go to the centre but that will have to come later. He said we should all have some family therapy as well. I am really hoping this is the first step although now she says she does not like him and won,t see him again. He has given her a couple of things to do- write a list of what she likes doing and a list of her strengths and weaknesses. I really really hoping she will begin to make process. Thanks again.

[MrBloomsMarrow]

How did it go yesterday goldcorn?