Dad leaving hospital.. think he needs a home.. where do I start?

[ShinyHappyPeopleEatingEggs]

I didn't know this section was here!

My dad has been in hopsial for nine weeks. He is disabled anyway and with a couple of different medical conditions and it now looks as though he is going to be catheterised for the rest of his life. (He is 76). He was supposed to have a urology op last week do get rid of the catheter but it got cancelled half an hour before he was off to the theatre because the surgeon noticed in his notes that he also has a disc problem in his spine which he also "waiting" for an op for but which I doubt he'll get now because he will undoubtedly be considered unfit for that too (it's a operation.)

Despite all this he is not actually ill (he has prostate cancer but its well under control) but I can see he is not going to be able to go home becaue "home" is just sheltered housing with carers (and DH and I) calling. He is going to need more care than that; not because of the catheter but because of the mobility issue more than anything. (He can't walk/stand unaided now because of his back.)

I am finding it almost impossible to liaise with the urology and spinal teams and my inability to make them liaise with each other is what resulted in Dad almost having an op which could have been dangerous for him. Tonight I asked a staff nurse who I need to talk to arrange future stuff and have been given a social services contact. SS are already aware of him obviously as they employ the agency that handled his care at home until he went into hopsital.

What happens next? What sort of choice do we get about homes? What is the difference between residential care and a nursing home and who decides which my dad needs? How do I know if they are any good and if the staff are nice to the residents? How do I know which ones will be covered by my dad's pensions/benefits? (He is not a person of means).

I am clueless. I hope to find out some of this tomorrow when I speak to the SS woman but wondered if anyone could shed any light. I feel as if I am making it up as I go along and the hospital (apart from a handful of nice/competant nurses) are useless re info.

Does anyone have any advice?

[ShinyHappyPeopleEatingEggs]

That should say "It's a BIG operation".. duh! Obviously it an operation!

[colditz]

go to a local residential home, explain your situation and chat to the manager. He/she will know what the procedure is to get someone transferred and obtain funding.

[sarahlou1uk]

Don't know for sure, but do you have a Macmillan Cancer nurse contact? My grandad is now in a nursing home after his condition got worse (he also has prostate cancer) and she is available to give us advice about his care. The council and SS were the first port of call as they got him into a temporary home when he was released from hospital. We have ended up selling his house to pay for the cost of the home, but initially, the council paid it as he was on lots of benefits.
Don't know if this helps but I would say speak to ss first. It's a complicated business and you need all the advice you can get.

[ShinyHappyPeopleEatingEggs]

Hi Sarah

No we don't have a Macmillan nurse.. his cancer is (I hope) under control so we although we had info for advice and support in Jan 05 when he was diagnosed, we have not really needed anything (touchwood) since.

Thanks Coldtitz. I am going to phone the SS lady now and see what she says.

[EmeraldGreen]

Hiya, My mum has worked in homes all her life and is in charge of alot of elderly care - I will ask her next time I see her about this. If you are local to Berkshire/Surrey I am sure she could advise a home also (if you were unsure of that) x

[choosyfloosy]

Hi shiny. This is really tough.

Try talking to the sheltered home manager/warden? - they must be used to the tricky decisions about when someone needs more than they can offer, and they may know of other services that you don't.

And talk now to PALS (patient advice and liaison service - go via hospital switchboard) about the lack of liaison between the two teams. The fact that your dad nearly had an operation that was so dangerous is a really important Critical Incident for the hospital and they should be having an enquiry about it. Not really your affair, except that if they are having an enquiry about him it may raise his profile and cause more to happen for him.

Also write to your dad's GP. GPs often have more of a handle on the overall care, and (sadly) if they ring the hospital and start saying 'when is this man's operation happening', people do sometimes pay more attention than if the poor old family get in touch.

Also I'd get in touch with local carers' organisations - again they may know more about what's on offer than you do.

The thing is that there is no one service that is brilliant, it all depends on the indivduals. Some people will have a fantastic social worker, some an amazing GP, some a district nurse who's brilliant, some a local volunteer who knows everything about the networks etc etc. So I'd start ringing absolutely anybody. Write down who you phone, who you spoke to, the numbers and when you called, keep it by the phone, and don't wait longer than 12 hours for any of them to call you back - just call them again. Squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Hope some of this is some use and if you're a carer of longstanding you'll probably know all this far better than me.