Mum - Alzheimer's disease

[ThePinkOcelot]

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's nearly 2 years. It is in a mild form and she is still able to live at home with my sister going in daily to care for her. However, she really seems to have taken against my niece, my sister's dd who is 28. She moves her handbag if my niece comes in. She's has accused her of throwing out all of her paperwork and now, a new one, that my niece arranged for some man to come and clear out her bookcase! This did actually happen, years ago, but it wasn't my niece it was my dad who has been dead for 22 years. Is this normal? Do people with Alzheimer's take against a certain person? It is upsetting for me, so must be doubly so for my sister as it is her dd and she (niece) was always really close to my mum. Thank you.

[CareSelector]

Hi THePinkOcelot

I've been through it myself too; dementia can make people's attitude towards people completely change. It doesn't happen to all, dementia can affect people in different ways.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you and the family.

I think what helped me and my family the best when dealing with it was to have a talk with everyone and explain the affects of dementia and how to cope with it as a carer because once I understood the condition, I was better able to understand why my Gran would act in such a way.

Up until that point, its very easy to take things personally!

Have you seen Dementia Friends? It wouldn't be a bad idea to get all the family to take a look at it because it can help everyone to understand why your mum may be acting the way she is, and therefore help deal with the upsetting side of it.

Their website is www.dementiafriends.org.uk/

Hope thats a start; feel free to ask any more questions, happy to help!

[florentina1]

My experience is that it is normal, as far as anything relating to Alzheimer's can be "normal"

If your niece stays away for a couple of weeks, it is likely that your mum might have forgotten her aversion and suspicion.

Sadly, as the disease progresses, behaviours do change. Some behaviours worsen, some get better and more tolerable.

[Iflyaway]

So sorry you are going through this.

My mum had Alzheimers, for about 7 years before she passed away.

It was my dad she took it out on. It was so sad to see cos he'd always been an amazing husband and father. And he stayed amazing during the brunt of it all....

It's just a terrible disease, for the person affected (my mum had been outgoing, pursuing lots of interests, loads of friends etc.) and the family.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/

has a forum which I found helpful, just reading other's experiences. The Elderly Parents on MN is good too. Helps you not feel so alone in coping with it.

[Iflyaway]

Oh, and beware of "carer's burnout", both you and your sister.

Patients can become very demanding, everything revolves around them (it's the disease) and you need to put in boundaries. Especially if you have your own children. I am a LP and could certainly indentify with the saying "The Sandwich Generation".

Luckily I also have siblings who were able to share the burden.

[whataboutbob]

As everyone on this thread has said- paranoia can be part of the territory in dementia. I wonder whether long simmering grudges, which were kept quiet while the person had their faculties, explode into full ugly life after dementia takes hold. My Dad repeatedly accused one of my bro's friends of stealing various heirlooms. Which I'd invariably find when I went round to his place. He obviously didn't like some of my bro's friends, and his mind filled in the gaps after he got dementia. It was stressful at the time.
There was no pint being too confrontational about it, but I had to find the object, show it to everyone, and reassure my bro that Dad was being unreasonable.

[CareSelector]

I found this article really helpful: blog.careselector.com/5-ways-to-cope-with-the-emotional-struggle-of-caring-for-a-loved-one-with-dementia/