Nursery staff and my son

[janilife2]

My 4 yr old son goes to a private local nursery he is one of the only 3 black children.He is very quiet but 2 weeks ago he came home and told me that the nursery manager asked him some questions (about our family) and when he said he does not know the Manager told him he is stupid.How should I handle this case because its the manger who said it.My son was very upset.

[Missus84]

From what you know of the manager, does it sound likely? Have you previously had any concerns? Children don't always have a tightest grip on reality at this age.

I'd raise it with the manager and see what she says.

[Pozzled]

I think you need to talk to the nursery manager about it. It may not be quite how it sounds, it is possible that she said something like 'Don't be stupid' in a joking way (still v inappropriate but not quite so bad as calling a child stupid directly). Or your son may have misheard/misunderstood something.

In the first instance I would try to speak to the manager just to clarify what was said, and then decide whether to take it further. TBH I'm quite surprised that you've not raised it yet as it happened a while ago. Do you have any other reasons to be concerned?

[Lulumaam]

agree with missus, and i really don't think the skin colour is an issue... unless of course you are thinking this has some racial motiviation behind it...

speak to teh manager... it is probably something and nothing, a misunderstanding..

i don't really think it belongs in the bullying topic..

in the absence of other concerns, it might be well to chalk this up to experience.. surely he will be starting school in september anyway, so he has not got long to go at nursery..

but i would certainly go in and see the manager and explain your son was upset and it has been playing on your mind

[Missus84]

The manager may struggle to remember the specifics of a conversation that happened two weeks ago of course.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

Why does it matter that he's black? Do you think there is a racist element to this encounter?

I think bullying usually happens repeatedly over a period of time - surely one incident doesn't count as bullying?

[grapeandlemon]

Why do you think this is bullying?

[janilife2]

Thank you all,am not sure what is going on because this incident has made me reflect on previous incidents whereby he had started wetting himself only in nursery.when I asked him why.. he kept telling me that its because they shout at him and he is scared.They used to tell me they don't know why he wets himself.

[grapeandlemon]

He said they shout at him? hmm that doesn't sound right at all. I agree with dittany on this, and I would be probing further.

[j0807bump]

i would probe, until you do you will be going out of your mind with worry.

hopefully it is nothing, probably, but if it's not you are on the ball. play it casual.

[bigstripeytiger]

I agree that it would be worth speaking to the manager to seek clarification of what happened. I dont agree though that children of this age always tell the truth. My DDs told some very plausible lies around this age about things that had happened in nursery!