How to support bullied child?

[frostyfingers]

This will be long, I've had a bit of a upsetting 24 hours, and need to let this all out! My eldest boy, DT1 aged nearly 14 moved to a new school last term. Initially all went well, but towards the end he was pulling sickies and not keen to go in. We asked him, his brother and his tutor if there was anything up but it was all negative. His report wasn't brilliant and he wasn't happy with it but still didn't mention any problems to us. Yesterday he was pale and quiet when he came home, I asked if he was ok and he said yes, but just before bedtime he said he felt sick and dizzy, and then said that a boy had hit him. I asked how much he had hurt him, and whether he had reported it to someone. After drop of this morning, went to make an appointment to talk to his tutor, but saw him on the way in and was called over to discuss incident with me - apparantely it was a fairly major fight, with DT1 being suspended upside down by this boy, and then punched in head twice...(wish they'd mentioned it to me last night, but there you go). This boy is not unknown for picking on smaller boys, and had been hauled up in front of tutor, and head and asked for explanation which he gave and then was asked to apologise to my boy which he did. There was a meeting between those in charge of my boy and other child and we were called back and informed of what decisions had been made, in meantime I have DT1 off today "too frightened to go in", (which I reported to his teacher). I think the school have got a grip on this and seem to be acting as they should - they've promised that the other boy will be watched and reprimanded where relevant, and that my boy will also be watched and protected. He's promised to write any incidents down, and to talk to any member of staff at any time, so I think he feels better. What I need to know is how do I support him - not go on about it (he's not a great one for talking about feelings), go on about it, joke about it.....feel a bit helpless as to how to provide the moral support and boost his confidence back up. Any suggestions as to how I should handle from now on would be much appreciated, plus thoughts on whether the school seems to be dealing with it ok. The thing is, I don't really want to make things worse for either my son, or this other boy - I feel sympathy for him too strangely enough, and hope that he can get himself sorted, although he had a reputation as a troublemaker so it's obviously not going to be a quick fix for him. Nightmare day all round really!

[Cammelia]

Ok Frosty, this is not a nice situation for your son or you. I wouldn't waste your sympathy for the other boy frankly as he's not your problem in all of this. The school have to take this seriously as it happened while your ds was in their care and they owe him a duty of care. I am surprised the other boy has not been suspended.

[AJ2008]

Frosty, I am really sorry to hear what happened to your son - it is a horrible situation.

You ask how we think you should handle the situation but have you asked your son how he would like you to handle it?

[AJ2008]

I should also have added to my last post that you may like to contact Kidscape who were really helpful to me when my own daughter was bullied.

You should also keep a log of any incidents that happen and make sure that you follow up any meetings with the school with a written letter. That way everyone is clear about exactly what is happening and when it happened.

I have written an article that may help you, which is a summary of what we learned when my own daughter was bullied. It happend at Primary School, but the information and links I give are relevant to any age.

I do hope that things improve for your son.

[frostyfingers]

Thanks - I have asked him what he wants to do, he just said "I want it to go away". We've agreed that he'll write down any incidents, and that he can talk to anyone at school, as all staff are aware so hopefully that will be enough of a safety blanket for him. Having reflected over the weekend we've decided we'll let him come to us if necessary - I suspect it'll be fine for a week or so, but may flare up again a bit later on. I think if we ask him all the time how things are he'll get hacked off! I have asked for his tutor to report back to me weekly on how things are going, and just hope that we have nailed this early. Not convinced though, as I think bullying isn't fixed that quickly but just hope I'm right.