how should I advise DS to respond to racist remarks

[scattygirl]

DS is about to start yr3 in a new school. We are British born Chinese and although he doesn't tend to have problems making new friends I know how horrible kids can be - he's told me in the past of racist remarks made by others in his last school. How should I advise him to respond to anyone who makes the usual racist comments to him? He is pretty nervous about starting a new school.

[Biscoff]

Tell the teacher, racist remarks are taken very seriously.

[scattygirl]

I would if it continued/got out of hand, but I want to advise him how to respond back at the time rather than just saying nothing which could then mean it continues. In his last school it tended to be the same couple of kids making the remarks

[Biscoff]

I don't care what you think is usually quite effective, but all racist comments need to be reported.

[Zhx3]

My dd is in a similar situation to your ds. She has just started a new school, and I have had chats with her previously about the usual stuff to look out for, pulling the eyes up, racist language. I worry about it, as I still can't respond rationally to racism - I pretty much revert to my child/teenage self.

A friend had a problem in her daughter's school with racist bullying. She says the teachers did very little, but the friends of her daughter stood up for her, and many of them stood up to the bully. Then the bully's parents complained to the school!

[hunibuni]

Ds used to get the odd comment on the bus (they would never try it at school because any reports of racial bullying would have meant suspension and police involvement) because he's very tanned and because of the random racial mix, looks like he's from the Phillpines/Malay (I'm from nowhere near there but my mixed heritage makes us very much a Heinz family). He usually would have said something like "I'm sorry my exotic good looks intimidate you. Would you like to discuss your insecurities with someone?" or his standard response to being called a darkie (bloody hate that word!) was to say "Yes, and you guys pay to get tanned orange so that you can get your skin to look like mine!". He's a sarcastic git at times but these are the times when I don't pull him up about it.

We're in NI in a town where the majority of people are white. Most of them are lovely but we do still get the odd village idiot (like the git who punched DS because he thought his girlfriend was being too friendly with DS. Thought he was the big man until DSD1 and all her mates (including said girlfriend) put it around that a man in his 20's was intimidated by a 14 year old. Yes, it was reported to the police but TBH the best punishment was the way the news made its way around our small town. Dumped by girlfriend, shunned by oithers, barred from "his" pub by my friend who owns it and a lovely write up in the local paper from the police about clamping down on racial incidents. Karma? I bloody well think so!)

[SavoyCabbage]

I've taught dd to look them up and down and say "I like your shoes". That stemmed from a specific incident when she first started school but it's come into use a few times now. It just makes them look like twats.


She's only in primary though.

[hunibuni]

It did take a lot of threat of scary mummy going to school persuasion to get him to stand up for himself but sadly it's a skill that he has had to learn. I do tell him to walk away from the ones who are quite obviously spoiling or a fight (because you can't reason with an idiot). I love that he is friends with boys of Egyptian and Urugayan heritage and they call themselves the 3 amigos and the majority of their peers will stand up for them. It's so much better than when I first moved here and hopefully by the time DD is his age it will be even better.

[hunibuni]

Oh, I love your daughter's response Savoy! I will be arming DD with that one if she ever has to use it

Another one that DS (and I) use is when someone says that all us forriners look the same. Deadpan delivery of "I know! It's terrible how you all look the same to me. I mean, I never know who I'm talking to." I strongly suspect that my child has taken after me

[scattygirl]

Thanks all. Hunibuni I love your son's responses, makes him seem so confident and intelligent. Unfortunately I can't see my son being so quick with those but I will definitely encourage him to use the last one you suggested!

Zhx3 yes I can relate to what you say about responding rationally and reverting to own childhood experiences, it really gets my back up and I think it bothers me more than my DS!

[Kenlee]

My daughter does the smiling technique. Says thank you and replies well it goes to show how great and flawless my character is. You can only pull me up on my ethnicity. Which I can't control. You on the other hand. Well I think you should work on your flaws. You can leave now......Your boring