Name changed for this, sorry, long ...
My DD age 12 is in a friendship group with several girls; one girl is being excluded from the group because the others don't like her. There appears to be a reason for this, she seeks to constantly belittle the other girls, teases them and harass them physically. I don't think she knows what normal behaviour is as her mother who is a single parent appears to be rather odd, and I would say she is suffering from a mental illness or personality disorder and is a very cunning and manipulative person. I have tried to be nice to both the girl and the mother, inviting the girl round, trying to make my daughter to be friends with her and being friendly to the mother. My daughter and the other girls feel sorry for her which is the reason why they haven't told her to get lost, but as time goes on they are finding it less easy to conceal how they feel and the girl is starting to feel excluded from the group. They have tried to talk to the girl but she is in denial about everything.
The mother has now accused my daughter of bullying, the reason for this is that she did not tag her in a Facebook photo. I have told the school and suggested their restorative justice procedure as a way forward. I also told them my opinion of what was actually happening in the friendship group. However my DD does not want to take part in it because she things the other girl will deny everything and get away with it.
Furthermore there were a number of incidents last term in which about 12 other children in the class were accused of bullying this girl. This occured after the girl shot a rather humiliating video on her phone of a boy in class which ended up on You Tube. The mother went to the school and blamed other children for the upload (though she could not deny her daughter had actually filmed it). This led to conflict in the class leading to children being accused of bullying and while 1 or 2 had been nasty, most of them had done nothing and the mother also trawled Facebook using her daughter's login,taking prints of anything that could damage these children and brought them to the school.
I spoke to the director of student needs a couple of days ago and she said if my DD refused the restorative justice procedure they would have to involve "outside bodies", which I took to be a threat. She also accused me indirectly of pursuing a vendetta against the other mother when nothing could be further from the truth. I do not know her well but have been nice to her and met her 3 times for coffee over the year or so that the girls have been at the school. She also said that I would also have to go through a restorative process with the other parent which I refused to do, stating that I did not think it was appropriate especially given her apparent mental health issues.
The other mother appears to be very friendly with a member of the Senior Leadership team, who the girl has been observed to meet with everyday, and furthermore the mother was invited onto the Parent Leadership Group recently again by this same teacher. I think there is something going on here but don't know what.
Incidentally, my initial contact with the school was about 10 days ago and they have not attempted to talk to my daughter or any of the other girls about it. I don't know whether to try and make my daughter go through the restorative process against her will or stand my ground on the grounds my daughter has done nothing wrong, but that will leave the problem unresolved. I am also tempted to make a strong complaint to the Head about how this matter has been handled.
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Restorative procedures in school and WWYD
4 replies
hadenoughofschool · 23/11/2011 10:38
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