OP I feel exactly the same. The formula carton's 'message' I find really upsetting. Problem is that whether it is me being upset for me or baby doesn't actually make me feel better.

Yes yes yes nicewarmslippers, I'm totally with you on this. I carried my little girl in a wrap for the first 12 weeks and feel very strongly about the odd (to me) idea in the west about putting your baby in a cot alone and expecting it to be settled and contented, only being held when fed or for cuddles that the parent enjoys. I think carrying my LO actually helped me get as far as 8 weeks of breast feeding, right from the first mins after birth we never got off to a good start as she was taken from me at birth and I didn't get skin to skin until 1.5 hours later and even then it wasn't for long as I kept dropping to sleep and the nurses wouldn't let me hold her in my arms in the bed. Then a breast feeding nurse made me express and she then seringe fed my little girl before I'd had chance to try the breast with her. (can't you tell I still have such a lot of bitterness about the whole birth experience!) Now I cannot say for certain that this caused my problems with breast feeding however I am certain it did not help. Our society sucks and expects so much of women in terms of balanceing babies, older children, work, the house, and then things like looking after other relatives.

True ture nicewarmslippers, thanks for that, I totally agree. Here in the west we have to also focus on other things like looking after other children(if we have any) and houseworks, and going back to work. They probably have little intererrence from health professionals about the weight of the baby and that its loosing weight so you must use formula. They have no choice but to bf.

Dotty yes i totally agree, it sounds like a good idea of yours. I think now that i have accepted it, and see my little girl as thriving doing really well, it seems like a distant memory, however at the time it was really horrible and felt so guilty.

I spent 5 years living in very rural africa where 100% breast feed or their babies die (well a very few may be fed by a relative-but ususally only as a short term measure). But it is a MYTH that it is just easy and natural to them. The difference is that women there know it is difficult to get breast feeding established and know it needs a huge ammount of effort and support. Women essentially lie down wrapped up with their babies for 6 to 8 weeks (slowly doing more) but at first are washed by female relatives in their bed! Now that may be oging a bit far but they really just lie and work on resting and getting breast feeding established. They don't talk to visitors who come to see the baby (even very good friends I'd visit wouldn't talk, they are expected to focus on the baby and their mum/sister etc would speak for them). When I discuss with friends there that in the UK we are told that 'if it hurts you are doing it wrong' they laugh. They say 'of course it hurts at first, it can hurt so much you cry'. JUst beaucase somthing is 'natural' doesn't make it easy (anyone given birth recently.......)

Here here Tiktock, reading your posts has made me realise your right it isn't guilt I feel about not exclusively breastfeeding it's disappointment, anger and sometimes embarressment (about now bottle feeding).

And your right about the quality of midwifery care, in the first few days is so important. In the current NHS system it's pot luck as to which midwives you see and whether they are able to provide the care you and your baby need, as all Mums and all babes are different and need an individual approach. I was fairly lucky and felt all the midwives I saw in hosp and at home (and there were many in those first 14 days) were all fairly good and tried so hard to help me. It's the flamming system that stinks not allowing midwives to actually provide the level of care needed and not arming them with more skills re. breast feeding, for instants in situations like these a Mum needs one on one care from ONE midwive not 14 and that care needs to be given in the home not in clinics or on wards. In my area there are two NHS feeding advisors one at each hospital, these professionals were very skilled and were helpful however I think there needs to be heaps more of them and they need to be visiting the home not expecting mothers to visit them with days old babies with the problems of breast feedsing.

I have pondered myself about setting up a local support group for Mums who couldn't breast feed and are now bottle feeding either EBM or formula, as in my area there are only breast feeding groups which are and were helpful while I was trying my hardest to overcome the problems of breast feeding but once I'd gradually made the switch to bottles it feels I can't access those groups because I'm now not breast feeding but I kinda crave support about the issue still.......hence why I still read/post the feeding talk boards on here.

Can I also add that breastfeeding where I live is presented by midwives and other mothers as the norm and one woman in our NHS antenatal class became quite defensive in the bf class as no-one had mentioned bottle feeding at all.

Although I think this is the right approach and I was totally convinced that I wanted to bf my DD it only adds to the guilt when it doesn't work out.

"I'm guessing you weren't brought up surrounded by bfing mothers, that you didn't do imaginary play by holding your doll to the breast etc. I'm guessing that latching your baby onto your breast was the first latched (or not) baby you had ever seen. I'm guessing that at that time, you probably didn't even know another currently bf mum."

My mother bf me and my two siblings and I am the second oldest of 14 cousins so have seen plenty of bf and been on the receiving end myself. Can't remember about the playing tbh.

"I'm guessing your advice was given by people with limited knoweldge and bf experience, and given under stressful conditions and that you were limited in access to these advisors."

I had a 2 hour NCT antenatal class before giving birth which went through positioning, latching on potential problems as well as an NHS class which covered similar ground. I was offered support from a bf counsellor in hospital, then from the midwife at home, I called NHS direct and a breastfeeding counsellor for advice and was constantly reminded of a bf cafe near my home.

"I'm guessing too, that you had other things to think about and be responsible for other than simply feeding your baby. That the house still had to run, even at a minimum and that your role in this was pretty major."

I think this is true of any new mother, but I will say that my DH wasn't with me much in hospital as he felt it would be more helpful to me to come home to a well organised house than to be sitting in a hospital ward. My mother did all our laundry for the first 2 weeks and would have helped out in any way I asked.

Breastfeeding (obviously only for some people) is just difficult. I think, as others have said, that we take for granted that something natural will come naturally. I was told by a midwife that she was surprised due to the amount of blood I had lost that my milk had come in at all. I wasn't told this before and my milk supply initially was fine so it wasn't that I wasn't fully equipped iyswim.

I think it is possible to feel guilt and anger ( and a whole lot more) about failing to breastfeed.

I had tons of help, some good some bad, I had lots of physical problems (tongue tie, thrush, and really, really sensitive nipples), I did lots of research about b'feeding, the majority of my friends b'fed their babies, but I still failed.

I feel anger because some of the help (especially early on) was very damaging, and hurtful, and I feel guilt because I know that b'feeding is best, it was something I was desperate to do, but I couldn't do it, and I will always feel as though maybe I didn't try hard enough (and yes sometimes people say things that make me feel guilty, because they had problems but they tried harder etc).

There are things I feel guilty for despite having no control over them (having a miscarriage for example), it is such a complicated thing - or maybe it comes from a Catholic upbringing!

I think you just have to focus on all the fantastic things you can do for your baby. I also want to become as informed as possible about formula and b'feeding and how things can be improved, because I would like to think that if my dd's ever have children I will be able to support them to b'feed even if it was something I struggled with.

It's ok. DS2 went from 10lb 5oz to 9lb 6oz. By day 5 he had only put on 1oz and she said it wasn't good enough.

sorry wasn't being a pedant just wasn't sure how the other way would work
Yes, I completely agree - the obsession with weighing and measuring too (I assume that was the 'problem') can't help. Of course if a baby is severely dehydrated or losing lots of weight then formula may be necessary, but it shouldn't have got to that in the first place and that is down to the HCPs!
Yes, I would definitely say ask not to see her again.

I wonder if I can request to not see that MW as she has twice ruined BF for me?

Yes I do. Thanks for pointing it out.

Kayzr - do you mean hadn't threatened you??

I have to say the single mose useful thing for me antenatally was seeing someone bf a child who was willing to show me in minute detail the positioning, latch etc. and although I had no problems to speak of, it certainly didn't come naturally.

I think some blame needs to be put on MWs. If my MW had threatened me with taking my baby to hospital then I would probably still be BF. Yes maybe I should have stood up for myself but at 4 days postnatal I was in no mind to argue.

It worries me because we want a third but I am scared I won't be able to BF again.

it's not as easy as breathing (afaik you don't get breathing counsellors) but it should be as natural. It's a good question about whether / why women in other cultures don't seem to have the same problems we do - I think although I could be wrong is that if you grow up seeing everyone around you bf then you soak up the facts and how to do it without realising it to a certain extent. Because ff is so normalised here and bf is still seen as something that is done discreetly to tiny babies we don't have that exposure.

fizzpops I'm guessing you weren't brought up surrounded by bfing mothers, that you didn't do imaginary play by holding your doll to the breast etc. I'm guessing that latching your baby onto your breast was the first latched (or not) baby you had ever seen. I'm guessing that at that time, you probably didn't even know another currently bf mum.

I'm guessing your advice was given by people with limited knoweldge and bf experience, and given under stressful conditions and that you were limited in access to these advisors.

I'm guessing too, that you had other things to think about and be responsible for other than simply feeding your baby. That the house still had to run, even at a minimum and that your role in this was pretty major.

If this was not your experience, or not entirely then you are in the minority.

sorry i spelt your name wrong by the way, rush typing as i am also doing dinner to

The thing is starlight mackenzine how come lots of women have difficulties bf if its so easy. if it is as easy as breathing support would not be needed we would all be able to just pop baby on and away we go. mabey women in other cultures have difficulties to you just dont hear about them as much.

Starlight the problems I had were nothing to do with our society (unless I am missing something ). I found the whole business of getting the baby to latch on and position her correctly much more difficult than I had imagined, and I had ante- and postnatal advice about it.

I also had other difficulties but none of them were due to people disapproving of breastfeeding etc.

I am interested to know what you mean about the difference in cultures.

pigletmania In many other cultures it is.

Ours is set up in a way that makes bfing difficult. Another reason for not feeling guilty imvho. There is such a lot stacked against us, but is is okay to feel sad about it, and if angry then to put that anger to good use to change things for your daughters and grandchildren.

Peanutpie, my sentiments exactly. I cannot see how something so natural can be difficult too. If it was as easy as breathing and was as easy say as eating food, I think that 99.9% of mums would bf.

Yes, I have times when I feel guilty about not breastfeeding. I tried and gave up after 4 days (a lot less than 7 weeks!). By this time my baby was extremely unsettled, I was in an awful pain and dreading the next feed. Worse, I felt a failure that I couldn't settle him, I was beginning to feel afraid of him and I was feeling like I'd made a dreadful mistake in having a baby.

The decision to stop breastfeeding was made in hospital after I had received lots of support and the final option left open to me was to express until my nipples recovered. At this point I said no, I had this belief that breastfeeding was about bonding, and expressing (to me at that time) was not going to achieve the bonding I wanted with my baby. I can still remember the relief of, after giving my baby the first bottle, him settling in my arms and going to sleep. That made me cry! and then also seeing my partner feed him. Remembering those moments helps me feel like I made a choice, and for our situation, it was the right choice.

I find it hard to cope with the 'breast is best' message as it makes me feel that I didn't choose 'the best' for my child - Ouch!. However I remind myself that my decision to formula feed made me feel most like a Mum. I was finally doing what I felt was right for me and my baby and I was doing it in the way I make lots of decisions now, I weigh up a bit of the evidence but then have to go with my gut feel. If I see it like this, I realise it was actually the start of me being a Mum.

My son was born nearly 2 1/2 years ago. I think time helps to heal these sorts of hurts - it has helped me.

Tiktok is right - we shouldn't feel guilty but we do. I mixed-fed for four weeks and then after a host of problems decided to stop. I did feel so guilty at first, like I just wasn't as strong as all of those other women who had persevered despite the problems, I also felt quite traumatised by it all and even went through this stage at about 3months where I would fantasise about having another dc so I could make things 'right' and 'perfect'. 5 months on I still feel a bit sad if I think back but I have accepted it and can enjoy being with my ds rather than focusing on those hard first weeks. For me, I think getting a greater understanding of why things didn't work really helped me to stop blaming myself. Also though, you is right, it is like a bit of a grieving process because you have to let go of the vision you had of yourself all the way through the pregnancy as a bf mother, and come to terms with the fact that a) you are formula feeding but that b) you love and care for your baby as much as any mum could.

Btw that NCT poster sounds great, much better than that NHS poster of the father and smug smiling baby that was in my room at the hospital - I wanted to throw things every time I saw it!

I have massive massive guilt for easily the first year of dd's life. She was ff from the start for various reasons and I didn't realise how important bf was to me until I couldn't. I used to sit here on MN, reading bf threads and crying my eyes out.

But she's now 18 months nearly, on cows' milk, eating like a ganet and actually, how she was fed for the first 6 months really doesn't matter anymore. It'll always be a regret but the 'pain' has gone. I know that sounds melodramatic but it was a pain.

I know all the benefits of bf etc but really, it doesn't matter enough for anyone (including me) to beat themselves up about it.

Sorry the beat the same drum, but it is not guilt we need to feel when bf goes wrong - this self-blaming lets others off the hook.

You - a baby who lost 21 per cent off birthweight in 5 days is a sign of truly dreadful midwifery care. You feel sad and angry, and why not? You wanted to do something lovely for your baby, and were encouraged to think it was all going swimmingly...and it wasn't. Yes, you might well grieve for this. It's something special you wanted to do, and were not enabled to do. Worse, you raised the right questions at the time and your concerns were ignored

Yet you say you still feel guilty

Let the anger be louder than the guilt

lilyofvalley - I felt exactly the same, only managed 7 weeks. I find other mothers assume that I breastfed for the a full 6 months and women who are not mothers simply ask if I breastfed. For me a lot of the guilt has to do with comparing myself to others and feeling so early in my baby's life that I have let her down. It was the one thing that I didn't question that I would be able to do for her and reinforced my hormonal idea that someone else would be able to look after her much better than me.

My DD is now 14mths and drinks cow's milk and the whole bf thing has faded into the background somewhat. I totally agree that with every 'breast milk is the best thing for your baby' disclaimer it just brings up the turmoil of the early weeks even now, although it is getting better.

Formula milk does not have all the benefits of breast milk but it is designed to nourish babies. In this regard it has the most important element of breast milk. My baby would have starved without it and so to hear people talking about it as if it is tantamount to feeding them neat gin is very upsetting. When I was going through my troubles I remember my friend saying to me, 'I remember thinking that formula milk was poison' and that has really stayed with me. I'm not poisoning my baby, I am feeding her in the only way I am able.

Morning! - i had tried BF and not yielding enough blah blah blah - was in weeks of hell trying to feed, express blah etcc.

i ended up saying to my partner - Not feeding yr baby is like not getting an erection, not functioning ..i was proper wallowing

Best sentance said to me by midwife - was who was i trying to BF for - myself or the Baby

That snapped me out of my self pity - Rosie is thriving and is healthy and that is what counts

I will give it a go again if i am blessed with babe 2 and again if i struggle and baby and i are miserable i will jack it and go onto formula

BF is hard - i have not yet met one mum who took to it easily in this western culture

but i have certainly met quite a few couples struggling to conceive and have babies..

lets celebrate the what is and not the what is not.:0

My DD lost 21% of her BW while i was breastfeeding her in the first 5 days

I feel unbelievably guilty about that, but also angry as what Tiktok said is true, it should've been picked up on earlier and instead I was encouraged to continue feeding despite expressing worries about my milk supply, few wet nappies and poos etc.

She's 15 weeks now and I still feel incredibly guilty, despite having a healthy thriving daughter. It makes me so so sad that I can't feed her myself but I know objectively speaking I'm doing whats best for her. Which is why we can all turn around and tell you that you did your best but you'll probably end up feeling the same! I think the key is to allow yourself to feel sad to be honest and almost grieve the fact you weren't able to bf. I'm still sad but trying to concentrate on May and how happy she is and can't wait for the day I feel better about everything

Lilyofvalley I know exactly how you feel and it is horrible. I managed to BF DS2 until he was 6 weeks. I gave formula top ups from about 5 days due to MW. But that guilt is always there and he is 6 months now.

I had planned on BF until at least 8 months when I am planning on going back to work. It gets so much easier as time goes by, you begin to realise that even though you haven't BF for as long as you wanted or imagined you did your best.

It helps if you have family and friends that help you. My DH kept telling me that it didn't matter and it didn't mean we loved him any less. My mum never BF and she was a great help to me, kept getting info from the internet and just kept saying thet I had tried my best.

Oh goody cherrychoc so i did something right. Its good to know, thanks for that by the way. I hope that next time its for longer though.

Quite right tiktok- her care was appalling.

I totally agree lillyofthevalley, only bf dd for about 2 weeks before i was told that i had to top up with formula and my milk dried up. Starlight Mackenzie, I wish that bf was as easy as breathing. I thought that it would be until i came to do it, its not as simple as popping baby on and away you go. There are different things that can go wrong, such as insufficient latch,mastitis, or it seems supply issues like i had.

A baby ending up with dehydration is almost always an indictment of midwifery and maternity care - babies who are not breastfeeding well dont suddenly become dehydrated. There are always signs bf is not going well. Good midwives spot these signs before the crisis

No one can make you feel guilty without your permission! You can feel judged, or criticised, or annoyed, or resentful - but feeling guilty is entirely within your control.

Sometimes, a small amount of formula is necessary if a baby is not gaining weight well enough to feed effectively. In almost every case, though, fixing the breastfeeding so it works better would make formula unnecessary...and expressing breastmilk for top ups instead of formula top ups is an option, too.

A baby who is not breastfeeding well may lose weight or fail to gain properly - this needs attending to!

Fwiw I breastfeed for almost a year and my dd is allergic to tons of stuff has very bad eczema and catches every cold, cough going. My friends ff ds is as fit as a fiddle!!!

You tried it and it didn't work out. Therefore you are doing the best for your child by formula feeding.
My friend's baby ended up with dehydration in hospital because she tried and tried and it didn't work out. The best thing for her healthy thriving ds was to bottle feed.
Please don't feel guilty.

I think it's such a shame that we are made to feel guilty about this. I was desperate to breastfeed my ds, but after two weeks of him not gaining weight despite frequent feeding, my midwife told me it would be kindest to give him "an easy meal", ie. a few ounces of formula as my breatmilk didn't seem to be doing the trick. He was instantly happier and started gaining weight. I feel lucky that I had this midwife, despite other people (including a midwife friend) saying that is was a terrible thing to recommend!

At the same time I had a friend whose baby was in the same situation, and she was advised to persevere with the breastfeeding, and now she is below the 0.4th% line despite being born above the 25th%. I can't see that this is kindest for their baby, yet they are congratulated for breatfeeding and feel no guilt!

I think this all comes down to the government and authorities knowing that it is generally best for babies, and so they have to use one rule to encourage all, at the expense of people for whom it is not best.

I want to echo the posts here. I struggled with DD1 and after 3-4 weeks ended up mixed feeding and was giving her EBM and formula until 4 months - but the expressing was hard work doing it everyday. I continued longer than I should have done because it is counterproductive to your functioning and looking after a baby should be looked at in the round and one should not single out one aspect.

I too felt like a failure for not breastfeeding and felt embarrassed bottle feeding in public.

With DD2 I said I will breastfeed if I can and if it does not work then the formula is in the house - no pressure. It has worked so much better, latch much better, weight gain - the whole lot.

It is hard as DD1 is only 16 mo and DD2 is now 7 weeks but so far so good - so it can work 2nd time around.

I agree - any bf is good. Don't have regrets about what is passed and cannot be changed - you did your best.

Guilt is so the wrong word in these situations.

Guilt is for people who deliberately and knowingly commit a crime, an unkindness or an otherwise unpleasant or negative act.

The English dictionary does not intend it to apply to people who desperately wanted to breastfeed, tried and ended up switching to formula!

The words for that are sadness and disappointment and unhappiness - not guilt.

charx - I'm assuming your baby has been checked for oral differences like tongue tie?
I hope things work out for you - call one of the bf helplines, and explain how badly you feel things are working.

Good luck. You don't need to feel guilt because you have done nothing wrong

Dear Charx
I went through exactly the same with my baby (now 9 months and exclusively breastfed). It was a nightmare time - but I did get through it. I know exactly how you are feeling and if you are determined to bf then stick at it - you will get there and it will get easier.

What I did:
(as well as Lots of crying and v.little sleep)
Called NCT helpline regularly - they were amazingly helpful and there may be a counsellor near you who you can visit.
Drank lots of water and herbal tea (mothers helper)
Put lanisoh on nipples regularly (it does work) and on breastpads
Kept feeding baby (baby will help them heal)
Kept trying to express in short bursts (so that it didn't aggravate nipples too much).

Do try and get some professional support though - there is lots out there - La leche, NCT etc

best of luck

charx, sorry you're having a shit time. If you want to carry on you need help that works for you and to work through each bit in turn

- have you had the thrush treated?

- once that is underway, you can work on healing the nipples - what kind of advice have you had to do that?

- have you got someone whose advice you trust giving you ongoing BF support?

- do you want to carry on, or do you want to stop or somewhere in between? Could you carry on with a bit more emotional and practical support, for example?

I am so with you lilyofvalley. I have massive guilt - its reducing me to tears. DD now 4 weeks. Had such cracked nipples - still not healed properly. Poor latching on despite attending breastfeeding support groups and paying to have specialist round (who also pointed out that I had thrush - ow!). So because its too sore to BF I have been xpressing - I want to try and cry 'cos Its so not natural for me - I want to do it for DD but also because I want the ease of not having to sterilise and because I want to feed on the 'go'.

But it is killing me. DD1 (never BF - another thread and the reason why I want it to work with DD2) - I don't have time to feed, wind, expressing and then cope with and feed DD1 never mind the piles of washing . . . etc etc. I am in tears at the end of each day as DH comes home - with the exhaustion and feeling inadequate - I keep thinking it will get better and boobs will feel better too . . . but how long do I give it?

Cherrychoc I so so agree, it's about what you can do and I think you should be given recognition even if you just manage to breast feed for 1 day.

I had huge struggles for the first 8 weeks trying to breast feed. I was depressed, emotional and felt like a failure, and I continue to feel devaststed about it and have such guilt about bottle feeding my daughter. I put a lot of pressure on myself to continue breast feeding even though I was continually ill with mastitis, had bleeding nipples and deep breast thrush throughout the long 8 weeks. I constantly asked the midwives, health visitors and feeding advisors what should I do but because my baby was thriving they all told me to continue, even though I was in a terrible state. It makes me angry now looking back on it and it wasn't until a close friend of mine had a stern word with me and told me to quit and bottle feed that I did. I really needed someone to help me to decide because I felt so so guilty and selfish switching her to bottles but none of the professionals would support me in this decision at all. I think clearly all mothers should be encouraged to breast feed as it is better but it shouldn't be at such a cost to the well being of the mother and baby and nor should mothers who bottle feed be made to feel guilty.

The problem I have with 'breast is best' slogan is it implies that formula is bad, which is not the case.

As soon as I actually did start to bottle feed I was able to enjoy being a Mum and actually enjoy my baby as appose to feeling ill and in pain all the time.

But I agree also with hercules that as Mums we'll always be feeling guilty for something as all you want is the best for your little one.
Rant over!!!

cherrychoc, i totally agree, every breastfeed makes a difference.

There is a great poster by the NCT which lists reasons to be proud of bf for any length of time - here is a list up to 6 weeks:

- First feed helps to stabilise baby's blood sugars and protect baby's gut, and is a great opportunity for the first skin to skin cuddle.

- The antibodies in mothers colostrum provide natural immunity from infection

- Helps the womb to contract towards normal size

- Sticky black meconium is cleared more readily from the baby's bowel

- At 1 week, the transition to the world outside the womb is eased.

- At 4 weeks, for premature babies, lower risk factors for heart disease in later life

- At 6 weeks, half the risk of chest infections now and up to 7 years old

This is why they should change the slogan, not breast is best, but every breastfeed makes a difference. Feel proud of what you did achieve!

You did breastfeed - for 7 weeks! If it didn't work out then there are reasons behind that, but I bet it comes down to inadequate support
A friend of mine talks about how she 'failed' at bf- but she bf her DD for two weeks - crucial feeds!

I tried bf ds1 but gave up after 3 days. I didn't even bother trying with ds2. I don't feel guilty, I do what's best for my whole family.
Formula isn't poison or anything.
Yes, we all know breast is best, but surely the important thing is that your baby is fed. Does it matter with what and how? Food is food IMO.
FWIW, my friend bf her dd for nearly a year and her dd is always poorly, is allergic to everything under the sun, so maybe you just get what you're going to get?
Don't feel guilty. Feel guilty if you're not feeding or looking after your baby at all, but you are.

Lily, you have to do what's right for you as that's what is right for your child! And yes I'm a member of the BMA and ABM, the message isn't 'You will all breastfeed!' done in my best authoritarian voice, it's 'Everyone needs to make their own decision based on the best information possible'. Yes, some people get a bit evangelical about it - I'm one of them but I never forget that the message is informed choice!

dxx

lily you did breastfeed, you did it for 7 weeks. just because you didnt do it for 6 months or longer doesnt mean you have failed. if someone asks me if i breastfed ds1, i say "yes, i bf'd for 7 weeks". i dont say "no i failed at it." there is plenty of time throughout your child's life to feel guilty, this is one thing you do not need to feel guilty about. you persevered for 7 weeks at a time when your hormones were all over the place and your body was still recovering from giving birth. you did very well IMO.

Lilyofvalley you can't win, I felt bad over insisting on giving supplementary formula feeds to ds, then with my second baby we ended up with dd being observed in hospital because I hadn't given them to her and she'd lost a scary amount of weight He never fed properly despite all help, support etc., and I felt dreadful over ffeeding, now it's getting embarrassing because dd's 15 months and still wanting to bf day and night like a newborn.

Chill out, enjoy your baby, pour yourself a glass of wine, and enjoy the guilt-free tipple

Elenorigby - I did all of those things and feel the same smugness about my confidant dd and ds

Seriously, you will always feel guiltly no matter what you do.

DD wasn't breastfed, coslept or carried about in a sling. She's doing great. Guilt, not in the slightest, I actually feel really quit smug when I see how bright, confident and strong she is compared to some of her clingy peers.

However I spent all night with her so DH and DD could get a good nights sleep. Have a redeemed myself for giving formular...

lilyofvalley Feeling guilty is a symptom of our culture, where the message is quite forceful, but the information and support absolutely inadequate.

Formula feeding is so embedded in our culture that a lot of women have to be knowledgable, informed and exremely lucky in order to do something that was as natural as breathing.

You mustn't feel guilty. There are very few mothers that don't try very hard to do the best for their children. And you DID try hard enough and those feeds that you managed DID count.

And mumble is right, there will be plenty for you to feel about in the future

ahhhhh....... you need to add 'but not best for you' to the end of it when you read it.

Presumably there was a good reason for you switching and your family would be worse off if you did.

Also, I'm sure there are breastfeeding mums who are shite at something.

I breastfed [mix fed really] will dd was 18 months. I also always forget to brush her teeth and I wonder if we watch to much TV when daddy is on late shifts.

You'll awalys feel guilty about soemthing. I have eaten 2 oreo cookies in the time I;ve written this post.......

Hi
Does anyone feel guilty for not breastfeeding? I did try for 7 weeks but it didn't work out. Now every time I read a formula pack of instructions or anything else for that matter it bangs on about breastfeeding being the best. I know this and don't need to be reminded all the time, I feel bad enough as it is.