nursing strike in 19 month old. is this the end?

[Cwmtydu]

I could do with a bit of advice and reassurance please. DS is 19 months old and has been happily feeding morning and night for six months. On Monday night, he refused to feed, and has refused since, but enjoys drinking cows' milk from a cup.

If this was self-weaning, then everything would be great. I'd see it as the perfect end to breastfeeding. However a couple of things are worrying me -- firstly that Kellymom and other sources seem to indicate that this is more likely to be a strike than self-weaning, and secondly the circumstances of the first refusal.

He has a cold, and with a blocked up nose feeding is obviously difficult anyway. On Monday night I moisturised my hands while I was waiting for DH to get him out of the bath. I then attempted to squeeze some milk into DS's gunky eye while DH held him, but he protested before I'd managed it (have done this before but not for some months). I'm now worried that I have traumatised him by waving my nork in his face, and also that my nipple tasted unpleasantly of hand cream. (He took the nipple in his mouth then rejected it and said "no" and continued to say "no").

So. Two questions. First, have I ruined our breastfeeding relationship by traumatising him and is this a really negative end to things? And secondly, what do I do now? Shall I just take this as the ending and stop offering, or shall i try hard to re-establish feeding? My feelings are that if it was or I was convinced it was a happy ending then I would be pleased to stop now, although I had envisaged breastfeeding for as long as we were both happy, but that if this is an unhappy, traumatic ending then I'd quite like to sort things out.

The first rejection happened on Monday night. It's now Thursday. He's refused the breast since. I'm gently offering but he's getting increasingly upset.

I'm sad. It's a really sudden end to my identity as an extended breastfeeder and to a cuddly part of my relationship with DS which I had taken for granted.

I'll stop going on now.

[callmeovercautious]

I really hope it is his cold making him unhappy to feed. Have you tried putting some snuffle babe on is chest after his bath? I do this and also a tissue with a bit of Karvol on it tucked under my arm when I offer her a bedtime feed if she is bunged up. It does help.

Is he still feeding in the Morning at all?

[vwvic]

If at all possible, take to your bed with him tomorrow morning! Lying down, both of you naked, have lots of lovely no pressure skin-to-skin contact and snuggles. Much like you would do to establish feeding when he was a tiny baby. At the very least, you'll both a very nice time, and the super closeness and relaxedness (is that a word?) might encourage a little bf- especially if he is sleepy.

FWIW, my hulking great 6yo loves doing this with me, stroking me and rubbing her nose on my breasts (god, that sounds wierd! It's not, honestly) and describes it as having 'a jolly good time'. be warned though- often in our house it descends inot a full blown tickle-fest. Hope this helps.

[vwvic]

Blimey, I need to learn to type....

[Cwmtydu]

Thanks callme and vwvic. Really, really appreciate the answers. No feeding at all since Monday. I think the cold's mostly better now so I don't think it's that anymore, but that's useful advice for next time. I'll try the bed thing as well but can't help feeling negative about it. I got in the bath with him last night and it was nice but any suggestion of going near my breasts and he gets very upset. I feel like I'm putting pressure on him and making it worse. Last night when I sat down to feed him and called him over for a cuddle he went to get a doll instead and handed it to me at arms length. I even tried feeding the doll but DS still wasn't interested.

Can anyone say anything to make me feel better about this? I don't know anybody at all in real life who has breastfed for this long -- the general attitude is that ending now is pretty much a positive.

[harpsichordcarrier]

oh cwm
I am very sad for you if it is the end, because you clearly don't want it to be
in your shoes I would probably stop offering for a day or so, if it upsetting him, and then start again, maybe making it a special time the next time you offer.

[Cwmtydu]

Thanks hc. I'll try tomorrow morning then leave it a bit. Worried about supply though. Supply is very established and has coped easily with weekends away and I don't feed two nights a week as I work but I don't know if it'll last a week or more. I could pump but it all feels a bit much.

I really wouldn't mind ending breastfeeding if only it felt that it was a happy ending. Hate that something so easy and well-established was so easily broken.

[harpsichordcarrier]

I think supply is probably very well established. are you feeling engorged at all?

[Cwmtydu]

No, not really. Is that a good sign or a bad one?

[harpsichordcarrier]

oh I was just interested
if he still hasn't fed by tomorrow, I would probably pump tbh.
don't give up

[Cwmtydu]

Thanks for caring . Will do.

[harpsichordcarrier]

let us know how you get on
HC xx

[Cwmtydu]

Morning! well I'm feeling a little bit better this morning. But still no feeding . DH tried lots of things while I was at work last night including feeding a doll himself and offering DS his nipple, to no avail!

DS and I had a fantastic cuddle in bed this morning (thank you vwvic) and although he didn't feed he didn't cry when he saw my breasts or if I suggested he feed which was a relief. We squeezed out some milk and he rubbed it on his toes (!) but didn't want to drink any. Fine. Will keep gently trying for a while but try and keep it really happy. Not too optimistic about starting feeding again though.

[harpsichordcarrier]

oh glad you are feeling ok about it
lol at rubbing it on his toes