Concerns about breastfeeding in public

[Brighteyes]

I am only 12 weeks pg with my first but have been discussing breastfeeding with dp.

Dp is insisting on me breastfeeding because of the obvious benefits. Although I agree with him that breastfeeding is the best option I'm worried about breastfeeding in public. I'm quite shy about my body and don't even feel confident in revealing clothes. Really concerned about the embarrassment of feeding in front of strangers and even in front of male family memembers. I know that its perfectly natural and if they have issues with breastfeeding thats their problem but I just can't imagine whipping out my boob in front of people even if it is to feed the baby.

Was considering expressing straight away so I could bottle feed when in public and just breastfeed at home where I would feel more comfortable about it. Now been told that you shouldn't express for the first 6 or 7 weeks.

Sorry if this is long winded but I want to feel settled with this as soon as possible so its not an issue I'm dealing with when I have the baby. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

[Fibe]

brighteyes - i felt EXACTLY the same way - couldn't even think of BF in front of my dad!

firstly, do it your way - if you are uncomfortable,then you can always take yourself off to another more private place - if a place is not available, pashmina's or shawls are fantastic for "hiding" under - the new fashionable ponchos are fab too

BTW - after about six weeks, I was BF in cafes, on a ski lift, in the supermarket, on a chair in Monsoon, on the train .... you get the idea. I very quickly got the knack of discreet breastfeeding. Overwhelmingly though, it was what my baby needed, and I got to the point where I actually didn't care about anybody else but him.

Good luck

[Fibe]

ps there is lots on MN about breastfeeding and expressing in the first few weeks - check out the archives

[spacemonkey]

When it came down to it I didn't care at all about bf in public. I think instinct takes over. No-one sees your boobs anyway if you wear the right clothes.

[suzywong]

Brighteyes

first of all congratulations on your first pregnancy and well done for deciding to give breastfeeding (BF) a go, I hope it works out for you.

Please don't feel anxious about BF in public, I have BF 2 sons in all sorts of places and have never knowingly been stared at, and I had monster knockers so it was a case of hauling them out not just whipping them out .

Once you have your baby you will probably find that the need to BF outweighs any shyness you may have, it really is just a case of getting on with it because it's baby's feed time. Plus it really isn't that much of a rare sight that people will stare. And remember it really is the most natural thing in the world, it's why we are mammals.

There have been many threads on Mumsnet about this topic and I've no doubt someone will direct you to them, it's not an uncommon concern. There was also a thread recenlty about what to say to someone who was staring at a BFing mum, so you will get lots of support and tips on here to make you feel less worried about BFing in public (tbh I never had to do it that many times, and only when I was out with other mums with new babies, you may find yourself in the same situation if you make friends through a NCT or similar antenatal class)

hope this helps

[nailpolish]

i was really nervous about bf in public too. i made my friends form a semi circle around me in the coffee shop! you can buy great bf clothes online at blooming marvellous etc if you want to treat yourself but basically dont worry cos hardly anyone will notice. if they are offended its their problem anyway!

and about expressing - i expressed when my dd1 was 10 weeks old cos i had a wedding to go to and my mum was babysitting. only problem was dd1 refused the teat of the bottle and i had to go home early from wedding. not all babies do that tho, they are all different. hth

[motherinferior]

Brighteyes, please don't feel pushed into doing something you're not comfortable with but do be reassured, it's possible to breastfeed without revealing too much in public. A poncho sounds a REALLY good idea, I have to say.

[Tommy]

Hi Brighteyes! I was a bit like Fibe - worried at first then after a little while not really bothering what people thought. For the first few weeks after having a baby you may not want to go out very much anyway and may be able to keep your trips out for in between feeds.
Please try not to worry about it at this stage - so many things will change when you have your baby that you may not worry about feeding in public at all!

[sponge]

I'd just take it at your own pace. Bf privately for the first few weeks until you get the hang of it as it's harder to be discrete when you're still trying to master the art.
When you go out try and plan around places with good mother & baby facilities at first - lots of stores have them - then the only people to see you will be other mums in the same position.
Gradually as you get more confident your fear will diminish and tim e between feeds wil increase so you'll be less likely to be caught short on the bus or whatever.
Congratulations and good luck.

[XenaWP]

Congratulations! I've got a 4.5 month dd & was really freaked out with the whole bf idea. Didn't know if I'd get on with it, let alone doing it in public!!
The 1st time I did it was at my GPs waiting for the HV, which was pretty good as was surrounded by other mums. Even then I initially felt like everyone was staring at me - but of course they're not & they've seen it all before! I am now much more confident about it - not as much as some other posters, but it's true that you just get on and do it if your baby's hungry. also I initially thought it would mean having by boobs swinging in the wind for all to see, but you can be very very discreet. I agree that scarves are great, also you can position yourself in a corner in a coffee shop, or with your back to the room. Don't forget to pull up your T shirt from the bottom, much more discreet than a front opening shirt that you forget you've unbuttoned too far!!!
And the bizarre thing is you do forget, if you need to feed - you NEED to feed!
Good luck

[Pidge]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I would say don't worry about breastfeeding out and about at first - in the initial weeks you'll probably find you're very home based and can get the hang of doing it in the privacy of your own home. To start with I needed dp to help me hold dd whilst I got her latched on, plus I couldn't feed without about 4 pillows to lie her on and support me! Then you gradually get better at it, and you'll find you can feed without revealing acres of flesh, or providing a public display!

The first few times feeding in cafes felt strange, but the only comment I got was from a lovely old lady who came over and said how wonderful it was to see someone breastfeeding their baby in public, and that gave me a real boost.

[bundle]

agree with suggestion of mastering bf at home, then maybe at women-only event like baby clinic when you feel more confident. i had a few problems when i started bfeeding my girls and overcame these with lots of help eg from La Leche League bf counsellors - and now consider myself a militant breastfeeder, anytime, any place anywhere...to dd2 (18 mths)

[acnebride]

many many congratulations brighteyes

slightly concerned at your dh 'insisting' that you breastfeed but it's great that you're both pro-bf.

it's not compulsory to bf in public - i did it a lot but actually finally admitted to myself that i felt more comfortable doing it in private.

i personally found that all nursing bras were tricky to handle with one hand, plus hating the 'click' and 'zip' sounds, and eventually preferred just a maternity bra which I could pull down under my boob. A loose/maternity tunic top or shirt was the easiest for me but a poncho would be fabulous, although you'll be due in about mid-May won't you, so it might have to be made of linen!

can you discuss this with your mother and mother-in-law? you could ask them about how they fed, also you could say that you will want your father and father in law not to be in the room, and let your dm and mil throw them out while you smile sweetly.

[Brighteyes]

Wow - thanks for all your advice. Feeling so much happier about it all now.

[Pagan]

Congratulations Brighteyes

Like others have said, no-one really notices, your instincts kick in and if you end up like I did you'll be merrily strolling along a shopping centre with the baby latched on not giving a toss about who sees. And also any comments are usually positive, I got lots and felt 10 feet tall.

[Bozza]

With DS (my first) I would go out of the room at first but eventually when I got better at it would feed in front of family and friends at home or visiting. When out I would feed in the mother and baby rooms or in the car.

With DD I have been much less inhibited and a bit any time anywhere. I think having DS's needs to meet saw to that. Much easier to keep him happy if feeding in a cafe while he has a drink and snack than in a (lets face it) rather dull mother and baby room. Also we went on holiday to Cornwall when DD was 6 weeks so she was fed in the motorway services, a vast selection of pubs/cafes, beaches, promenades, a play farm, by the side of the indoor pool (bought a tankini for this purpose!) etc. I actually got quite skilled at breast feeding and eating my own meal at the same time.

Main thing is to take it SLOWLY and gradually work out what works best for you and where you feel comfortable.

[motherinferior]

And the best thing for now is to make sure you're booked in for whatever 'breastfeeding workshops' are on offer for later in your pregnancy. But you've got months. You just concentrate on your baby now!

[cardigan]

Congratulations!
For bf in public don't believe all the pics of mum feeding in white toweling bathrobe with breasts out - it's not like that!! Mums bf everywhere it's really so discret that most people don't even notice. Great tips & advice here. I've bf everywhere & never felt like I was exposed - use shawels, easy shirts, like the poncho idea for winter, cardi's - whatever works for you. One great thing is having a free hand for a drink & snack when bf in a cafe! best wishes

[californiagirl]

I used to be terrified about it, but after the day I fed her at lunch with a couple of guys, one of whom assured me it was their technical conversation that put her to sleep, I got more confident. Bottlefeeding her tends to involve screaming and thrashing, really much less discreet.

[emz31]

i totally agree california girl - my 15 wqeek old refuses to take the bottle. I was terrified at prospect of getting my huge boobs out, but have invested in a variety of BF tops from NCT, JOJO etc and they really are fabulous - have even just ordered a lovely party BF dress from JOJO for xmas - it is totally true, once you've done it in public a few times, you really don't care where you are or who's around if your baby needs feeding!
good luck!!

[MarmaladeSun]

I can only echo what others have said, and that is that once you get the hang of it, you'll be able to do it without even thinking about it. After a while, you don't even have to check the position...my DD gets herself on and most of the time people don't even realise I'm feeding...quite amusing when they come over to talk to the baby as they think she's only cuddling! Have to also say that I would not be influenced by whatever others feel you should do. I know it's your DPs baby too, but it's YOU who will be bf, and it is hard work and takes dedication, and if you did decide it wasn't for you, then you have to do what makes you both(you and baby I mean)happy. Good luck and enjoy

[pixiefish]

I was the same before I had dd- insisted I'd never do it in public etc BUT different story once she's born.
For one thing you'll learn to do it discreetly so that no one notices you doing it- that comes with practice.
For another thing you just won't care about it- at the moment my boobs are merely receptacles of milk for dd...

[Fran1]

I agree with with everyone else totally.

you'll feel very differently when baby is born. Its a case of feed the baby for peace, or be embarrassed by the looks you get when you let your baby cry with hunger!

And i didn't realise until i did it how discreet you really can be. Never used bf tops just normal and i used to let my top hang loosely over dd so noone could see. Sometimes this backfired cos people would peer closely to get a good luck at the "sleeping" babe and then rush off with embarrassment.

As for male friends and family or female in fact! - if they don't like it they can leave the room - one male friend we had did ! he said it was out of respect to me. We used to just laugh and give him a shout when feeding time was over.

[maretta]

I say the same as everyone else, I really didn't fancy breastfeeding in public especially as none of my friends had had babies.

And again, once I got the hang of it, I didn't really care and to be honest if anyone even noticed I'd be surprised.

You read jokey articles about breastfeeding and 'whipping your boobs out' and it makes it sound as if you'll be running around like the drunk girl at the christmas party. It's really just not like that. It can be done very discreetly.

I would say also that although a dp/dh's opinion on such things is important, I think how you feed your baby is ultimately your decision.

Best of luck with your pregnancy.

[Yorkiegirl]

Message withdrawn

[jamiesam]

As others have said, bf may not be the easy option - can be difficult and painful while you are both getting the hang of it, but if you can bf it's GREAT. Dp insisting you say? Hmm, you'll get lots of support on MN whatever you decide.

As for embarrassment, it's really true that you'll be much less embarrassed about things in around 12mths time! True that you can be discrete when bf but also true that you'll just do what you have to do - whether that means bf in a busy place or going upstairs if you can't bear to bf in front of your dad...

Good luck. And congratulations.