Weaning off Breast at 12 months

[Mommy2Ro]

My DD has always been cuddled/breastfed to sleep. Over the last few months, she has on her own volition dropped all breastfeeding but the pre-sleep and night-waking feeds. She doesn't take a bottle, but takes water from a sippy cup. I think maybe the nightwaking would stop if she was weaned bc sometimes she wakes and goes right back to sleep on her own.

I'm emotional and moody (from BF hormones? from lack of sleep?). DD seems to love it, but I think it's time. Also hoping it will improve romance w DH. Anyone had experience in this area?

[hercules]

DD is the same age and I would like to bf until she's two but she's biting me so much now we've had to cut back lots of feeds. I dont feed her to sleep now and find that after a few nights of moaning with me lying next to her she goes to sleep no problems.
She does feed at least once during the night although sometimes goes back to sleep with a cuddle.

I dont know the answer for night feeds so I will watch this thread with interest.

[Mommy2Ro]

DD went through a "nipping" period, but I did the squish to the breast technique and that nipped that in the bud (pun intended). She doesn't bite now, but did when she was dropping non-sleepy time feeds (during non-pre-sleep feeds).

How in the world did you get your DD off the breast for going to sleep? Do you feel like the BF interferes with your mood and/or your relationship with your partner?

[janeybops]

DS is also 12 months and I am still bf twice a day. Will read this with interest for weaning tips, as the time is fast approaching... Fancy a night or two on the beer (or vodka) again.

However, not doing any night feeds so can't help. Nor has he been bf till he is asleep apart from when very young and couldn't be helped. For many months now he has been put to bed fully awake or a little sleepy - depending on mood!!! My only tip for this is to have a little lullaby music machine which signals to them that it is sleep time. I use it for day time naps too. He has had it since birth so now associates it with sleeping. Even turns it on himself if he is still awake when it finishes!!!

[janeybops]

I think the emotional and moody must be lack of sleep! BF hormones don't seem to effect me in that way - apart from first few weeks.

Have you stated periods again yet? Maybe it is those hormones - mine are MUCH worse after DS

[Merlot]

I planned to stop the night time bf for my eldest son at 12 months, but was so wishy washy about it, that I didn't finally give up entirely to 16 months. Second time round I managed to wean successfully at 12 months. My tips are as follows:-

Firstly ask yourself, do you really want to give up? Dont feel pressurised to so, dont even try to give up, if you have doubts. IMO the biggest obstacle to successful weaning is state of mind. If you really want to give up bf you will do it.

Secondly, timing is all important, make sure that you are mentally prepared and ideally that your dh/dp is around. Also that your child is not sickening for a cold.

Thirdly, decide that you are only going to offer water during the night and milk from a cup as a last feed and stick to it. I found it was easier second time round to ask dh to offer the water in the night.

Fourthly, (sorry this is so long winded but I made such a hash of weaning with my first son, that its a subject dear to my heart!), Persevere!
It may take up to a week to do it.

Lastly, good luck. I did find that giving up bf was emotional, but that when I finally gave up my libido returned and it was lovely to be able to cuddle my son and look him directly in the face without him clamouring for the breast. And best of all.... an uninterrupted night's sleep!

[Mommy2Ro]

janeybops. Nope no periods yet. Also am on the "mini-pill"... maybe this is giving me some trouble?

Merlot (fancy a glass or two of that, I have to say!). First, thanks a mill for the details. I don't mind at all a bit of going on when it comes to how to approach this.

So, I think I'm ready. I don't know if my DD is. DH is ready to help. And DD is already starting to accept a sippy cup of water instead of the breast first thing in the am. The trouble is getting her to sleep w/out the nursing. She cries so pitifully if we leave her during nightwaking and we're not a "cry it out" family.

The big questions: how do you avoid engorgement (had this already)? And what do you do when they get very very very upset in the middle of the night?

[Heathcliffscathy]

i just stopped bfding a month ago when ds was 11 months old. i am still producing milk!!!! but have noticed a massive change in my moodiness (much less) and general feeling of well-being (much better), i get less cravings for starchy salty foods and the headaches that i'd started getting every time i ovulated/had a period (btw, i've had a period every month since 4 weeks after the birth!!!!) seem to be dissapating. so go for it! it's great to bf for a long time, but i'm really glad i made the decision to stop when i did...you need to be sure tho, i dithered for about a month before finally being ready

[TracyK]

my ds is 8mo and I'd like to think about weaning him off bf. but i too have engorgement probs and can't be arsed getting blocked again if i can help it.
how long before they stop looking for boobies everytime you are in your dressing gown, undies etc??
also - it is still v. handy to have milk for him when he is v. upset or refusing to go to sleep.

[Merlot]

mommy2Ro - so are you down to only 2 bf's now (evening and night?) If you are, you could try just cutting out the middle of the night feeds for two weeks and then, when you've got that sorted, tackle the evening feed.

Also, it sounds to me that your dd may need a little help in learning to go to sleep by herself. What time does she go to sleep in the evening?

To tackle the middle of the night scenario, when dd wakes, I would wait 5 mins to see if she settles herself first and if she doesn't I would go to her with water (you may find that she doesnt want this at all - my ds2 was just furious when I offered that instead of the breast), then a v.quick cuddle and some soothing words but straight back into cot. Unfortunately she is probably going to need to cry until she teaches herself to get to sleep.

I used a wind up lullaby toy with ds1 when I was in your position - it lasted exactly 8 minutes and I wouldn't got back to him until it had ended. Then I would wind it up again and again until he went to sleep on his own (I think it helped me to get through those 8 mins, more than him!). I know that some might say I was substituting the breast with some other habit, but it worked for me.

With ds2 I was able to be a little stricter, only because I'd done it before and knew that if I persevered it would work, so I did the above, but without the music. Also, I know that it is stating the obvious, but try to think of it as being cruel to be kind. I used to beat myself up about traumatising ds1 by leaving him to cry, but soon realised that it didn't have a lasting effect. I do remember how rotten it makes you feel when they cry and what a low ebb you are at during the night, but it is definitely worth sticking with it. My ds2 only woke for two nights and then slept through, so it might not be as bad as you fear.

[Mommy2Ro]

WOW! Guess what DD did last night? She slept from 8pm until 4:50, had a 25 min nurse, both sides, then went down again in her cot until 7:40!! I'm still in shock, happy shock. Usually, she goes to bed around 7:30, and is up twice during the night and ends up in our bed.

Merlot - I guess that answers your question. She's still nursing before her nap, before bed, and usually twice at night. So, 4 times now, I guess. Occasionally she'll want a random nurse due to a fall or something. But it is less than it was a few weeks ago. I really appreciate your input, but I don't know if I can let her cry it out. Seems to me like she is just exhausting herself to sleep and thinking that if she calls us, we won't always respond. (we've taken the Attachment Parenting approach here) But I know a lot of people have employed your suggestion with success. Tough one.

And thanks all, for input on hormones/mood/etc and BF. I guess I am hoping for a big trade off when we stop.

Is life better after weaning....?

[Pidge]

I carried on feeding dd till she was 2, when she stopped of her own accord. But I did stop doing the evening "feed to sleep" thing at about a year, or maybe it was 14 months, can't quite remember. I didn't drop the feed - just made sure I gave it downstairs, rather than cuddled up in the bedroom, and I found that was enough to stop dd dropping off at the breast. Then after feeding her, I would brush her teeth, read her a story and just put her down and that was that.

I did it so that other people could put her to bed (like dp and grandparents), and it meant going out for the night was easier.

Hope that helps.

[Merlot]

Good Luck Mommy2Ro, I'm sure you'll it in the end, whatever approach you use. Main thing is how you feel, and that you are happy.

[Mommy2Ro]

Pidge that does help bc we are now doing all bf in the living room instead of the bedrooms (ours or hers) and I think it's making a difference. She is now napping for 2 hrs+ most afternoons (she NEVER did that before) and seems to be happier on waking, I think. But she still needs to drop off to sleep before I put her in cot (or mostly to sleep) or she gets v upset.

Merlot - thanks for the support. That's the conundrum. Not sure if stopping bf will make me happy (less moody? more "romantic?") or just sad, and I'll miss it. We have non-bf related cuddles, which is great, but I wonder.... Thanks, tho. Glad to see there are people out there doing this successfully and surviving.

[Pidge]

Mommy2Ro - it may take her a little while to get used to it, but eventually she'll learn to put herself to sleep from a drowsy state It still sometimes seems like a miracle to me when I put down my dd awake and she just put herself to sleep!

Good luck - you'll get there.

[Mommy2Ro]

That is very good to hear. Makes feel it's really possible. I think it's getting better, esp after moving our nursing local to the living room. And I started giving her a snack before naptime (before bf). That has made a difference too, I thihnk.

Again, thanks.