About to give up breast feeding but not sure why i'm doing it.....

[amijee]

My ds is going to be a year old this month and is having 3-4 feeds a day ( and i'm working full time)

Have always thought I would continue until he is a year but now the time has come to give up, I'm not sure why I'm doing it.

I'm getting a lot of pressure from dh as he wants the freedom to take ds away on his own and also he thinks ds is being "spoilt" by it.

I can see the advantages of stopping ( more freedom for me, possibly less whiney evreytime he sees me, wearing normal bras again) but my heart's not really in it.

How did other people feel about this?? And how did you cope??

[moondog]

I thikn the decision is down to the mother alone.
My dh certainly respected that.
At this stage,I found the 'freedom' thing wasn't an issue.When I was with dd she had a breastfeed,when I wasn't,she didn't.Simple as that. Worked for us for 30 months and i went back to work f/t when she was seven months old.

Whatever you decide,you've done fantastically.Well done.

[iamasurvivor]

congrats amijee on getting to one year, i agree that it is completely the mothers choice, my dd self weaned at 8 1/2 months, and i really missed it, but it was more about my feelings than hers.

[Tatties]

There are lots of good things about carrying on too. Too many to list, but when ds has been ill and not eating I have been so glad that he would still breastfeed. I agree with Moondog that it is your decision. Makes me sad to think your dh feels your ds is being 'spoilt' by it - can he not see the benefits of carrying on?

[FrannyandZooey]

I think questioning this rather arbitrary 'rule' of one year is the right thing to do

I found that breastfeeding a toddler really paid off in so many ways. It is always available, a free and healthy way to calm your child down, comfort them, reconnect at the end of a horrible day, whatever

bfing releases hormones that help you to relax and feel more patient as well

looking after a toddler and being a toddler are two very trying experiences IMO

breastfeeding helps a LOT

[FrannyandZooey]

This page from Kellymom is an inspiration

[stressteddy]

oh amijee - I really wanted to bf for longer than a year but mt ds self weaned. I was so sad and I still really miss it. If you have doubts then keep it going. Maybe just do a couple of feeds?
Well done for getting this far
x

[Chocolatepenny]

I'd think about what it will mean for you. The benifits past a year are debatable, you've done really well congratulate yourself. Keep going if you want to though. I don't agree with BF making you calmer and patient`? some mums keep going because they love it and love having a baby to nurture. I guess the question is do you have a baby or a toddler. I BF BTW.

[SoupDragon]

You can wear normal bras now.

[FrannyandZooey]

The benefits past a year are not debatable, they are well-researched and proven. See the link from kellymom for some references. There are more on the WHO website.

This explains the relaxing effect of breastfeeding hormones:

"during the breastfeeding process your brain will manufacture chemicals that will calm you, give you a feeling of well-being and promote maternal behavior. Your baby's sucking stimulates nerve endings in the areolae, which send messages to your hypothalamus and pituitary gland (in your brain), causing them to start releasing oxytocin and prolactin, breastfeeding hormones that will begin to calm and relax you.

Reference: Summary: At one month postpartum, women who breast fed their infants had scores indicating less anxiety and more mutuality than the women bottle feeding their infants.
Author: Virden, S.F.,
Title: "The Relationship Between Infant Feeding Method and Maternal Role Adjustment."
Published in: Journal of Nurse Midwives, 1988"

[Chocolatepenny]

rubbish.

[FrannyandZooey]

Pardon?

[unknownrebelbang]

How rude!

[Amberjee]

errm... well each to their own.

amijee, if you're not ready to wean, then really consider keeping going with it. even if you go to 1-2 feeds today in the morning and/or evening if that feels right for you and ds.

how brilliant that you've got to a year.

i understand that a lot of kids from this age are flexible about feeding and are happy to feed when mum is around, but not too fussed if they are away with dad or something.

go with your intuition. it's rarely wrong

[unknownrebelbang]

Oh yes, forgot to say that all mine were happy to have ebm or full-fat milk at that age if I wasn't around to feed myself.

[ProjectIcarus]

choc penny - would you like to reference some facts for that comment?

Or just randomly spout pish?

[amijee]

wow - thanks for your really quick responses.

To answer some of your questions - I find it very relaxing and often find myself nodding off with ds. I think I have a fairly mature one year old and he tends to know what he wants ( and usually gets it!!) I can't ever imagine him self weaning.

My dh is the primary carer so of course I need to respect his views on the matter. My ds would feed every 1-2 hrs if he got his way and is quite grumpy if I say no ( or when i'm at work) I worry about this getting worse the older he gets. I would like to c/w feeding if it could be "contained" so to speak but i'm not sure if that's possible.

Also, I'm not one to be affected by other people normally, but I am feeling a little uncomfortable by family etc who think enough is enough now. They seem to think it's more for my benefit than ds's and maybe they have a point?

[Tatties]

Also some mums keep going because there is no good reason to stop, or because stopping would cause serious distress to the child. It's really not about keeping your child a baby, or being solely for the mother's benefit.

Amijee I would imagine if your ds is having 4 feeds a day it would be difficult for you and ds to stop suddenly (if that's what you wanted). Has your dh considered that it's often not a case of just stopping and all parties being happy with the decision?

[FrannyandZooey]

Amijee almost all children do self-wean between the ages of 2 and 4 if allowed to. I felt the same way about my ds, that he would never give up! He decided to stop earlier this year when he was 3.

I think feeling disapproval from friends and family is really hard. If you feel secure in your decision it is not so bad, but when you are still thinking it over, other people's opinions can seem more important than they perhaps deserve. Anyone who has your best interests at heart should want you to be able to breastfeed for as long as you and your son want to.

I actually printed out the page from Kellymom I linked to earlier and carried it around with me to give me encouragement for when I was feeling disapproved of! My mother unbelievably told me, when ds stopped feeding, that she felt I had done the right thing after all. She found it hard to accept at first, but saw the advantages as time went by.

I carried on feeding on demand at this age, but I have heard of other mothers who have limited feeds to certain times of day, or certain places, and this has worked for them.

I am sure you will find a solution that works for your family.

[Amberjee]

franny, that is a wonderful link from kellymom. i may need to print it out next year when i'm sure there will be some family scepticism about continued breastfeeding ...

[mum2george]

amijee, You've done really well and I'm so glad you are enjoying it.

I fed DS until he was just over 2 and a half. If anybody had told me at the offset that I would bf for this long I would have lol. However, it was the right thing for us.

We also had the, "doing it more for herself" thing. This is rubbish and I always took pity on anybody with this view as they hadn't experienced the close bonding of it all and were, IMO, ignorant of the facts. But then again I am a bit of an arrogant cow.

If DH thinks that you are spoiling him, just try to educate him a bit more, thats what I did with my DH. Keep pointing out that the WHO code recommends bfing for at least 2 years.

Also, DS was never ill until we stopped bfing altogether then we had about 6 months where he was constantly ill. Tell DH this, having an ill child to look after for a few months might change his mind!

If you want to drop a couple of feeds we used the "don't offer, don't refuse" method which worked for us as he didn't see dropping feeds as an issue. If DH wanted to take him away would Ds take EBM or full fat milk? At this stage a night or two away shouldn't affect your milk supply IMO but might make him more clingy when he gets back for a while. I'm not trained though so perhaps you might be better talking it through with a BF counsellor before he goes away or if you want to drop a couple of feeds?

Sorry for the really long post.

[lljkk]

Extended bfeeding is for your benefit, too, amijee -- is that so bad? Why should you not continue solely for your benefit? It lowers your breastcancer risk and possibly stress levels. It lowers chances of your child being ill (antibody concentration goes up in toddler milk), so you won't spend so much time worrying about a sick child or having to take time off work for a sick child.

WTF is it bad to want those things?

[Tatties]

[amijee]

thanks guys.

I did actually talk things over with dh and we agreed to doing things very slowly to contain his feeds a bit in the beginning an then take it from there.

I think the main issue is not him being away for a few days but a week or so as his family live abroad.

I'm really grateful for the replies and i'll just take things slowly one step at a time soo we are all happy!