Giving up feeding a 16 month old

[crace]

Is cold turkey that evil to a very addicted 16 month old? I've posted before that she doesn't eat food really, apart from snacks and certainly not her 5 F&V a day.

So.. is cutting her off completely the worst thing I could do? I've tried getting her on a schedule or cutting feeds, it just doesn't work - I am pretty sure I've got an all or nothing little girl here. Also has very deep sleep/nursing associations so I know it won't be easy stopping her.

I am beyond sleep deprived and just fed up with it really. If it was am/pm only I would be thrilled but it's all day every day and I am done with it.

Any advice?

[hunkermunker]

I think it's hard on her to stop doing something that has been part of your relationship with her since she was born, yes.

BUT I understand totally how hard it is to be constantly "on demand" for a child of this age too.

You sound done in - is there any way you can go out for the day by yourself or have a night away?

[CantSleepWontSleep]

Have you tried planning a mega mega busy week and not feeding her during the day, but distracting her with activities instead? I was much the same as you sound when dd was 11 months, but managed to cut her back from 7-9 feeds a day down to just 2 over the course of about 3 weeks . She started eating much better, and now, at 14 months, still just has 2 bfs a day (except when ill).

[crace]

I am not really done in, it's gone beyond that point to resigned acceptance I think I just would like to stop really, and would love for it to have been that gentle decline that I keep reading about that will never ever happen for her.

Bless her.

I suppose it is worth a try to an cut her back again, but I suppose I am so tired that I have no energy to fight her. I sound rather pathetic don't I? We all know who is in charge here! I just believe strongly in gentle parenting but I need to get her off me and gentle isn't working.

[yellowrose]

crace, don't think cold turkey for any child of any age is very nice either for mum/dad or the child.

i read elizabeth pantley's book on sleep association, etc. and found it very helpful my ds at nearly 3 still falls asleep at night on the breast (within 15 mins. max.), but i see that as a god-send rather than a bad thing, because he sleeps 11 - 12 hours a night without waking.

i think i would have a really rough time trying to get such an active, bubbly, super alert boy to sleep without a last bf, so in our situation it is great.

i understand how hard it is to get her to cut out some feeds, i found ds did that naturally though, so when he dropped his afternoon nap about 6 months ago, the nap bf went with it.

i would keep offering cooked food regularly, hopefully she will eat more. you have to keep offering though otherwise they think all they will ever get is snacks.

it is up to you if you wish to give up, try reading LLL website, kellymom.com, but have excellent advice on weaning. LLL do a very good book on it.


good luck !

[yellowrose]

crace - the average age for a child to SELF-wean is 2.5 - 4 years old. At 16 months she will be too young to self-wean naturally. some children do self-wean younger than that, but not without some very active cutting of feeds/discouragement from the mother.

[crace]

Does it say how much they should be feeding? I realise every child is individual but the average at least?

As I said I would be thrilled with twice a day, instead of all day and all night with little to no food.

[belgo]

crace, I have just gone cold turkey stopping bfing my 19 month old DD2. Like yours, she was 'addicted', bfing every two hours at night (in the last month) and a lot during the day. I would have liked to have cut down, but she simply couldn't understand why I would bf her at certain times but not at others.

She has coped very well with the cold turkey, crying a little more then normal, but after the first night, nothing too bad. Emotionally, I have found it far harder then her. I have been far more upset then she has.

She still searches for milk occasionally when she's tired, but dh has been putting her to bed and she knows she won't get any milk from him

She is refusing milk in a bottle, which has made me worried.

But from her point of view, 'cold turkey' has been mostly trouble free. Far easier then I expected.

[belgo]

But I couldn't have done it without the support of my dh.

[yellowrose]

crace - it depends on the child, some only have 3- 4 feeds a day at 16 months, others more and through the night as well. i think my ds stopped the night feeds completley when he was 10 months old he had been a rubbish sleeper previous to that, but he continues his day feeds at nearly 3 years of age, although he has dropped feeds of his accord without any encouragement from me, to around 2 - 3 a day now. i think at 16 months he did 4 - 6 feeds just during the day.

as i say, the best people to talk to are LLL, if you wish do gentle weaning.

i am personally opposed to cold turkey, but it is just a personal view as it would not have suited ds and i

[belgo]

yellowrose - the transition would have been easier for me if I stopped bfing gradually. But it was on demand or nothing for dd2.

[mezzer]

I'd be a bit worried about the rock-hard-boobies effect of going cold turkey if she's feeding that much. And, do you have plans r.e. getting her to sleep if the sleep-nursing association is that strong? I ask as I`ve got a 15mo nighttime boob addict (and occassional during the day for naps but I work f-t so really only on the weekend) and part of me wants to stop (ever since her teeth came in it's been a rocky road) but the other part of me doesn't know how I would manage with sleep if I do... Sorry, bit of a hijack... You're not alone.

I like CantSleepWontSleep's idea of a mega-busy week. Could get her distracted enough to cut out a few feeds?

Good luck!

[belgo]

mezzer - this is why my dh is putting dd2 to bed for a few nights, as she doesn't having the bf association with him.

I've used a breast pump and warm showers to stop my boobs being rock hard, and there hasn't been too much of a problem.

I would recommend a gradual decline in bfing, but if that's not possible, then cold turkey may not be as bad as you imagine. It certainly hasn't been bad for my dd2.

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

crace - i sympathise with your situation. My ds is 19 mo and is completely addicted to boob. we are currently in teh middle of sleep boot camp. we started on sunday night with me putting him to bed without nursing him. when he asked for 'guppin' i told him 'guppin all done' there were tears but eventaully he fell asleep. i still fed him during the night as usual. that will be the norm from now on.
starting last night there was no nursing during the night (which is difficult since we co-sleep!) he woke up 3 times between 7:30 and 10:30, but was pretty easy to get back down. then at 2:30 he started to scream. he was very very angry. this lasted for about an hour. but i held him and cuddled him and let him know that i was there for him, he just couldn't nurse. he fell asleep til 5 when i nursed him. then again at 8.
can i just say at this point that it was the best night's sleep i've had in a very very very long time!!!!
tonight it'll be the same. only no feeds til after 6.
i feel like i can continue nursing him if i can stop during the night.
that may or may not sork for you but i wanted to share my experience.
HTH.

[mezzer]

I'd love to get dh to put dd to sleep at night but she won't have any of it. I'm in a similar boat to purplemonkey in trying to get rid of the night feeds whilst co-sleeping and she can get really angry and if dh touches her to try to comfort her, she gets even more pissed off. If we could keep it to feeding just before bed and first thing in the morning, I'd be happy to go on forever. It's the 4am feeds that are driving me batty.

Crace, have you tried talking with her about it when she wants a feed and you don't want to give her one? Can you distract her? Do you think she's hungry / thirsty or wanting the comfort? Maybe she would accept water or juice? Have you tried that?

[yellowrose]

belgo - i understand - i wasn't criticising, just giving my own view - all children are different some will get very very upset with cold turkey, others not so

[yellowrose]

oh, and i am just a really really lazy stay at home mum, so can afford the luxury of such things as self-weaning , i appreciate it is much much harder if you are a working mum

[crace]

I would never have wanted it this way, I should have probably realised this was happening and made slight changes before. As an infant she constantly fed, constantly being hourly sometimes less and it's now 2 hourly if I am lucky during the day. It's always been this way, and without the food of course she needs to nurse this much.

I think my dd is much like belgo's situation in that she just would be angry with me and not understand why it was ok sometimes and not others.

I wanted to see if anyone had any success stories of weaning addicts like mine. Sorry if I started a debate!

[crace]

Not to mention also that after months of this constantness and lazy toddler latch my boobs are in agony. I have peeling skin and bright red burning patches. She unfortunately chipped a tooth that is still ragged, and it just plain hurts. I think it all adds up to finishing really.

[yellowrose]

purple - this is a genuine qusetion, not a criticism, does your son not get confused with when he is allowed to nurse and when not ? does he realy understand what you are trying to do ?

i always thought that if you dead refuse some feeds and then give in to others they get confused ?

also if you are trying to stop bf during the night is not best to stop co-sleeping ?

i had ds in his own cot since he was around 6 months, he was right next to my bed but in his own cot, so he gradually got used to sleeping in his own space, could smell me less and stopped waking completly during the night at around 10 months.

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

yellow - he gets his last feed of the night while we're having our quiet time downstairs. then i bring him upstairs for bed. he doesn't seem to be confused but time till tell i guess!
as for not co-sleeping - i think that this is hard enough on the little guy without making him sleep alone as well.

[friendlyedjit]

i just gave up after 26 months of feeding, using cold turkey!
I was completely exhausted and totally sypathise as had also an all or nothing. She didn't have me all day for 3-4 days weekly and of course was fine then but whenever mummmy was around wanted to be fed and this was of course every 2 hours at night! she of course a little older so perhaps easier? but didn't discuss as just happened one night as don't think could go on. " days of being grizzly and stamping foot etc..fine, still asks me to get them out as she wants to see her diddies and feel them but says they're broken!! I miss it all dreadfully but am now getting some sleep!
Wish you all the best- its always such an individual decision, and hope whatever you decide its right for you and your princess

[crace]

So those who have used cold turkey - what have you done, disappear and let DH deal with it or are you there are fighting them off?

[crace]

PS - we stopped cosleeping and it made NO difference on sleeping through. She is still up 2-3x on a good night. I have no doubt it's the lack of food that is making her wake up.

[crace]

Sorry that sounded defensive - it's more frustration speaking

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

crace - i forgot to add that my DS was like your DD. He ate very very little. and then suddenly he ate. not huge amounts but he eats regularly now. breakfast lunch and dinner plus snacks. and it didn't really change the amount of feeds he had. he still liked ot snack a lot during the day and at night at the buffet of boob!
it's a big change for us. he went from pooing once a week to once a day. and i actually have to make an effort with his meals!!
sometimes it just takes longer for kids to take an interest in food.