I'm upset that my friend disagrees with my choice to b/f

[RubyMurrayMinesACurry]

My little one is under 6 months.

In a few e-mails my friend has asked if I was still b/f.

She has said that I have done really well up until now, that my lo will sleep better once she's on bottles, don't go wearing myself out etc.

I had another friend who said similar things when I was b/f my first.

Why can't they accept my choice?

I have never been judgemental with their choice of f/f - one b/f for 2 weeks and the other for about 8 weeks. Their choice and I don't think any less of my friends for stopping when they did. I understood their feeling of guilt and also their feeling of freedom when they swapped, and I wish they could that for me. I don't think I'm a better mum because I choose to b/f my kids.

It's like they are trying to justify ther choices to me - they really don't need to. In fact their need to make me stop is the only thing which sticks in my gullet.

Does anyone else have friends like these?

Before you say "ditch them" - in every other way they're great friends

[Lact8]

I have a friend who I have a great laugh with, she's really lovely but our ideas on parenting are so different.

She likes routine from the off.
I bfeed on demand.

She thinks in their own room asap
I co-sleep if it means I can sleep too

It is weird when someone you get on with really well and seem to share the same views on so much has a completely different view when it comes to parenting

[TheArmadillo]

They probably think that they know best even though they are wrong, and if they are good friends in every other way, talk to them and say you are happy bfding, you intend to go on and you'll have to agree to disagree. Then tell them the subject is off limits.

Maybe you need to spell it out to them.

[DANCESwithaFewExtraPounds]

I think you may be being a bit hard. I bf both my dc but with dd particularly I found it very hard, not helped by a highly unsympathetic health visitor. I quite often support friends who are struggling by trying to help them not feel bad if they give up but also recommend bf counsellors if they want to continue. I did bf for 3 months (4 with ds) and I'm very pleased I did. Sometimes it is hard to watch someone continuing to bf when you didn't feel you could though so yes there probably is a bit of jealousy on their part too. It doesn't really sound like they are trying to 'make' you stop but if you want them to shut up just say you intend to breastfeed for the first year (or whatever long term time frame you want) and then hopefully they will know you are not going to be discouraged.

[moondog]

I have all sorts of friends who do everything that sends me screaming into the distance-formula,fruitshoots,whorish clothing for small girls,Luncahbles,the works...

They laugh at me nad I laugh at them.

[Pepa]

For what it's worth, I've got friends I've known for years and we never had a disagreement until we had chidren. We've got through it now but its almost like having children brings out the elements of your character that you never even realised existed before.

[rantinghousewife]

Yeah, I agree with Amardillo, I packed up when dd was 4 1/2 months because family and friends were a bit prudish about it. Really wished I'd carried on a bit longer but, hey ho. Tell em you're happy with bfing and as far as you're concerned end of conversation. You shouldn't feel bad about your personal choice.

[chocolatechipmonkey]

I did find that SIL, who ff all her children from day 1, was very inclined, when I hit a hurdle like mastitis or biting, to say
"Oh that would have been the end of the bfing for me!" She also bought bottles for me before I had ds1 even though she knew I was intending to bf. I think with her, she feels that I get "Brownie points" with MIL for bfing. She forgets that she get far more MIL-points by being organised and having a clean tidy house!

[LucyJu]

I think that when people say things like this, they are really trying to justify their own choices. By doing differently, you are, in effect, saying that you disagree with them and some people might interpret this as some sort of criticism. Could you say somethin along the lines of "Look, I never criticised you for using formula and respected yout choice... why can't you do the same for me".

I think its true about how different and surprising parenting views can be - even from people who you think you know well.

[harpsichordcarrier]

yes just say to yourself - this is all about THEM and not about .
it is really nothing to do with what you are doing at all, so you may safely ignore it

[WigWamBam]

They are entitled to their own opinion, just as you are, but I don't see from what you have told us that they are trying to make you stop. To me it sounds as if they care for you and are trying to be nice, but just haven't understood that their way is not your way. Perhaps it simply hasn't occurred to them that you might not want to do as they have done - and they would probably be mortified if they thought you were upset by what they have said.

You don't have to justify your choices to them, any more than they have to justify theirs to you. In fact, you don't have to say anything to them at all about your choice of feeding. Just do it.

[BizzyDint]

just email back saying it's going fine, no plans to stop yet, LO very happy on bf and so are you. and anyway how are they....blah blah blah...

[belgo]

of course they're entitled to their own opinion, but unasked for and unwanted advice is very annoying.

My friends are I have made different parenting choices, and i am lucky that we all respect each other's choices.