What to do?

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

I EBF my first DD until 6 months and continued feeding until she was a year old. I'm a very strong advocate of breastfeeding.
DD2 was born 3 weeks ago and feeding has been a nightmare from start to finish. She cluster fed (attached constantly) for the first 36 hours. She would only sleep with a nipple in her mouth. On day 8 I went to the walk in centre as I was pretty sure I had mastitis, and was blue lighted to hospital with sepsis that in had developed as a result of severe mastitis. Spent 3 days in hospital on IV antibiotics. I kept DD with me in hospital and EBF through it.
But... I think I'm done. I'm absolutely petrified of another infection. DD1 is 20 months old and is really struggling with me spending so much of my day attached to the sofa feeding. I'm drained and exhausted and have had no chance to recover from the sepsis as I've been feeding at least every 2 hourly day and night. DD has been diagnosed with reflux. The midwife and GP think I have PTSD/PND as a result of the illness. But I feel so guilty that I fed my first for a year and can't manage a month with my second.
What would you do?

[ShipShapeAhoy]

Go and buy some formula silly. The world won't end.

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

I would probably feel as you do and want to stop. You have to look after you too, and there is no guilt or shame in stopping breast feeding. If you want to carry on is there any chance you could express while someone else feeds DD2 for at least some of the feeds?

[GoooRooo]

Get some formula. You did your best.

I expressed for a month with DS because he couldn't latch and it made me so miserable. I felt HORRIBLY GUILTY about moving to formula but honestly it made both of us so much happier.

You tried really, really hard and there is no shame in using formula. for you.

[GreenBoatRedBoat]

This is why I hate all the pushing to breastfeed when there are 101 reasons why women may need to ff and this is one of them. Formula is not poison it is a milk substitute for this exact reason. Give yourself a break and you'll find with more time and sleep you'll be so glad you did. You children need you to be on form more than they need your breast milk.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Thank you for your replies. The stupid thing is that if a friend of mine was in this situation id be the first to tell her to go and buy some formula! I know realistically it's the best choice for our family, I just can't seem to shake the guilt. I think tiredness is clouding my judgement!

[NickyEds]

What would you do?

I'd give her some formula. Honestly. With ds I had a terrible start to bf, he was tongue tied, lost weight, it was agony. On day 11 we gave him some f and he turned into a different baby, settled and not starving. I felt like a different woman after some rest. I mix fed him to 6 months and really enjoyed it.
I think our babies are of a similar age? 19 months and 13 days here, I've already given dd a small amount of f. She had an oz of f after a massive long cluster feed which started at 9pm and I gave the f at around 4am because I wanted some sleep before ds woke up. I really think that second time around you have to be pragmatic and consider your whole family. If I hear "Just camp on the sofa with your baby" one more time.....It's harder with a toddler, never mind what you've been through. If you want to switch then do and don't look back. Your baby will be great whatever you chose.

[GenevaMaybe]

Adding my voice to all the others'. Buy some formula, give your nipples a break. It's so hard being a mum without being ill on top of it all.

Take care & congratulations on the new baby

[bimandbam]

Could you mix feed for a while? Just to get some sleep?

I say that as someone who ebf for 6 weeks, then mix fed for another 6 then ff first baby. Then ebf a bottle refuser until 6 months then bf until 18 months.

There is nothing wrong with ff. Its perfectly adequate. But if you wanted to bf then you don't want to regret trying everything. Or making a decision in a fog of illness and exhaustion.

Mix feeding might affect your supply at 3 weeks to the point it could be difficult to ebf later. Or you could maybe move to ebf still. But in the situation you are in it is very difficult for you to see a way to ebf longterm. So do what you feel is best for you and all your family.

My advice ( as a complete non expert) would be to get formula and all the kit in and take ine feed at a time. If bfing gets too much give a ff. If you feel stronger in a few days and still want to ebf then pick a day dh is around to take your toddler out and do a day in bed with the baby. Skin to skin and all that bollocks. Your supply will either come back or it won't. Either way you have done what you could.

And at 3 weeks I used to lick my babies heads so a day in bed with cuddles sounds like heaven to.me.

[ShipShapeAhoy]

How are you feeling now op? Have you got any formula in? You could always give her formula for a few days to give yourself a chance to recuperate but express while doing so to maintain supply. Then when you're feeling better you still have the choice to bf or mix feed if you wish.

There is no shame in ff if you want to just forget bf altogether though. That's what formula is there for. I'm just putting it out there as another option to help you with your feelings of guilt. (Which you totally don't need to feel).

[Jemimapuddleduk]

I would say swap to formula. I totally understand the guilt though. I didn't have as tough a time as you have but after bf'ing my first to 15 months I only managed 4 months with my second. My second just didn't take to breastfeeding (colic and silent refkux with non stop feeding with accompanying screaming).
I would say that you need to be prepared for hormonal changes when you swap over (I ended up with pnd as a result of the difficult first few months, sleep deprivation and then the hormone dip from stopping breastfeeding). Things really did improve when I stopped though with my ds sleeping better and feeding much more easily.
Good luck to you, you are doing a fab job.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Nicky yes 20 months and 3 weeks here. Tough because DD1 isn't old enough to be able to explain to her about feeding the baby and that this period won't last forever.
I've done some expressing today as we've been prescribed infant gaviscon for reflux and it needs to be mixed with the milk. Have also got some ready made bottles of aptimil in. I think as bimandbam says I'm going to take it one feed at a time and see how it goes.
Thank you everyone

[NickyEds]

That sounds like a plan. We went out to a cafe today and I just sat there feeding dd thinking how the hell am I going to do this when dp goes back to work. At the moment juggling them both whilst feeding dd for hours and hours a day just feels impossible.