Breastfeeding and co-sleeping

[Bouj]

Ds2 is 14 weeks, and comes into bed with me after his second night feed (anywhere between 2 and 5am) as he is shocking at resettling at this time and I am desperate for sleep. Never did either (bf or co-sleeping) with ds1, so am (needlessly?) panicking that ds2 will be forever coming into our bed at night. He is in our room in a cradle, but will go in a cot, and into ds1's room at 6months. Is this feasible, or will he still need/want to be in with me? Am keen to have this at 6 months, want my room (and husband!) back without upsetting ds2. Every night I say I won't bring him in, but every night ease and exhaustion win. Does co-sleeping mean months/years of bedsharing? Can you 'stop' when you want to?

[suzywong]

It is feasible
You just have to pick a date and stick to it.
You have already experienced the many benefits of co -sleeping. I loved co sleeping with both mine but was not steadfast enough to get them out of my bed when the time came and it disturbed us all at night for many months.

However, if I could have my time again I would turf them out at 8 months, knowing that they could definitely go through the night wihtout a feed - "they" say it can be done at 6 months but personally I feel that is too young - and what I would do is GO AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND to a different environment, relative, holiday whatever and then do the cot in the other room thing on my return.

It is inordinately hard to suddenly have the with you one night and then not the next, they just wonder what the F is going on and quite rightly take great umbridge. But if you break the usual routine then it is easier all round to make a change. I would imagine. But as I say I am a failure in this respect but I'm just telling you what I would do if I was to do it all again.

SO chill out about the next few months and then pick a date to go away for the weekend and then get hardcore about the cot thing on your return.


Best of luck you you

[Bouj]

Thanks Suzy. Had hoped you would say it was super easy and just 'happened'. But I suppose it's like any other sleep association. I will however stop worrying so much about it, and go with it for the time being. Its so easy with breastfeeding, and especially because its still cold at night, its lovely and snuggly. We are going away over Christmas, which will make him about 8 months - will try your plan then, if the sheer Queensland heat hasn't driven him out by then

[suzywong]

yes, don't stress about it for now, it is sooooooooooooo easy to roll over and whip a bosom out in the comfort of your own bed.

I know I've probably asked you this before, are you in Melbourne?

[blueshoes]

I was a reluctant co-sleeper but dd's atrocious sleep made me start at 5 months. I carried on until her sleep improved after weaning at 17 months. She is still in my bed and showing no sign of wanting to leave.

The only difference is that I have since gone from being a reluctant co-sleeper to one who is loving it. And if baby (arriving Sept) is a difficult sleeper, will also take him into bed with me.

If one or both are long term co-sleepers, the end in sight is when they are old enough for me to move them into the same bed together.

Co-sleeping makes for a lot of intimacy, esp after a difficult day with a toddler. And they say co-sleeping siblings fight less. But you must of course be comfortable with it. Better not to co-sleep at all, than to (consciously/unconsiously?) resent it when ds comes in with you. I do believe that you can stop any behaviour you don't like when you want to if you are prepared to bite the bullet.

But Bouj, don't not start just because you don't think you will be able to stop, and don't stop just because you don't think you will be able to stop later. Am I making sense?

[LaDiDaDi]

I'm mix feeding dd aged 14 weeks so not quite the same situation. I have always breastfed her overnight and like you put her into bed with me. Sometimes I would just put her to bed with me from the outset, mostly after she would wake for her first feed overnight. Gradually she is going for longer and longer in her moses basket as she sleeps for 6-7 hours. I think that the closeness of cosleeping is nice for them when they are little and it does make overnight bf easier but it doesn't have to be forever.

[Stiglet]

I've bf and co-slept with both of mine. DD1 is now 19 months and has been in her own room and slept through since about 9 months.

It took 3 nights and quite a few tears but if you stick with the routine it shouldn't take longer than a couple of days to get them settled into their own bed. I have read that child psychologists say the optimum time for this is 6-7 months if I can find links I will post!

[Bouj]

Thanks all. He certainly settles much better in with me. The amount of sleep I am getting at the moment, I am willing to set up all sorts of bad habits for a bit of rest! Suzy, am in Brisbane where despite it still being winter, we are expecting 30 degrees next week. Mad place.