Feel very angry about conversation today..

[FrayedKnot]

I was involved in a conversation today, about a relative of a friend, who has a 3-week old baby.

I was appalled to hear that this poor girl's family have labelled her as "not coping very well" because she is demand feeding and therefore not getting much sleep, as baby feeding every 2 hours at night. Apparently also she is reluctant to BF in front of others, and therefore not going out (think I had gone as far as the corner of the road at 3 weeks!), so for these two reasons her family (friend included) are trying to get her to stop BF and put him on the bottle. Her DS is apparently thriving and she has a good supply.

I was absolutely gobsmacked at teh comments that I was hearing, so much so that I bowed out of the conversation as I felt I could not carry on without saying what I thought. I was so angry but I didn;t want to start a row with these people as I work with them, but I feel so incensed and sorry for this poor woman.

The main comments were:
"The only bit of BF that really matters is the first couple of days, after that there's absolutely no difference between breast & bottle".
"She doesn;t understand, she needs to get him into a routine"
"She isn;t getting out & about she's just staying home feeding him all the time" (said as a criticism).

I think I feel most angry at myslef for not putting my views across but honestly it is no BLOODY wonder that so many women prefer to try & go it alone rather than listen to such complete clap trap, even at teh risk of alienating their families, and then because they have no positive support, probably end up getting really anxious and maybe even depressed.

All this girl needs is for her family to come round and do her hoovering and cook her a meal, not blo*dy well fill up bottles for her.

Sorry but I'm soooo

I hope she finds MN soon!

[aragon]

...and in this heat - of course her baby is feeding every two hours. He wouldn't be human if he went 5 or 6 hours between feeds.

[alexsmum]

did you say anything?
i'm not sure i'd have been able to hold my tongue.
lots of people really just don't get it do they??

[FrayedKnot]

No I couldn;t say anything, but the friend who's relative it was (and was mkaing most of teh comments) actually did BF her DS for a while so she thingks she knows what she's talking about...

I suppose at heart they have her best interests at heart (i.e. looking after herself) but I was so [shocked] at the ignorance from people I would have expected to be failry clued up.

[Chandra]

Were you talking to my MIL or my mother? no, probably not.... they would not advise routines...

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[hotmama]

I don't think I could have kept my gob shut.

[PrettyCandles]

Sounds like she's doing very well. Of course with such 'support' she feels uneasy about feeding out of the house. But then so do many well-supported mums.

Do any of these oh-so-clever know-it-alls have babies of their own?

Grrrr. No wonder you're fuming, and struggled to keep cool in that conversation.

Can you ask for her address so that you can send her a Congratulations card, and slip a note in it about MN? And maybe mention that you've heard XYZ about her feeding and admire that she's doing so well?

[hotmama]

That's just what I was thinking Dior - a bit of friendly support and advice could be just the thing for her.

FFS - the baby is 3 weeks old - of course it is going to nurse loads and esp in this heat.

The family are nutters!

[FrayedKnot]

No sadly I have no idea who she is, I know she lives some way away from here.

Just have hopes she might get some better advice from others soon.