Really want to stop feeding 21 month old to sleep all the time

[humberthumbert]

Can you give me some advice?

My situation is a co-sleeping fed-to-sleep 21 month old daughter whose sleep is getting worse and worse and waking between 5-10 times a night. I?m no stranger to this, having been through it with first daughter (who I bfed til 3)

I realize it?s usual with bfed baby and has waxed and waned according to development, teething. Fed my first through pregnancy and tandemed a bit so I ?get? it about comfort, and that they form a strong association with sleep with it. Both me and husband carry her in sling for naps, I sometimes feed her for daytime feeds. I?m trying to get as much feeding in the day as he suggests ?

I didn?t do nightweaning the Jay Gordon way with my first. I decided at 21 months to feed her to not asleep, then sat on her bed comforting her to sleep. She slept through the first night after an hour of angry tears. A few night?s pain and the job was a goodun (that said, we still sit with her as she goes to sleep at 4-1/2, but that?s another story?) Funnily enough I got my period back that month (that was the aim then) and got pregnant the next, with the Kraken!

I work part time and my husband (who looks after them when I work) works a couple of nights a week. I often start at 6am so leave the house at 5,30, just at the time when she?s clamped to the boob. As you can guess, this makes for a noisy start to all our days and I lie awake in the early hours in anticipation of it.

I?m truly exhausted after nearly four years of bollocks sleep and interrupted evenings that I really want to night wean. I am determined and since she?s my second I?m not quite the soft touch I was with my pfb. That said, I want to be sensitive and I wouldn?t carry on if I thought she was really distressed, rather than a bit pissed off her routine was changing.

I tried Jay Gordon at 17 months and it started off well, but then day 4 and 5 she'd do spectacular tantrums which woke my eldest so I caved.

I had a particularly bad run of nights and I've been bad at letting her twiddle and scratch and to be honest, it's doing my head in and hurting me.

My question is this, do you think it's better to night wean like Jay Gordon (ie feed to sleep at bedtime then decide on your non feeding window) or just stop feeding to sleep. This latter approach involved tears with DD1 but it meant she slept through very quickly.

I can't help thinking Jay Gordon is a little confusing, since you feed to sleep sometimes, but not others.

[Dorisday13]

Watching

[PaddingtonsMarmalade]

Also watching, hopefully, with my 21mo DS next to me (still co-sleeping, BFing like his sister before him)

[vvviola]

I've been posting in a thread on chat about my experience of this. I'd been trying all sorts of methods with 19month old DD2, and getting nowhere (I'm too soft), so one night just went cold turkey.

Fed her before bed (she self settles at bedtime), and that was it. First few nights were pretty bad (the fury! ) but offered her oat milk instead (switched to water after a week or so).

Now, 3 weeks later, she's night weaned. Doesn't really look for a feed if she wakes, just gets a cuddle and a song. She's still fed at bedtime and at nap time (that's my next challenge!). And, amazingly last night she slept midnight to 7am, and the night before 7:30pm to 5am.

I'm like a new woman
of course she'll wake up repeatedly tonight now that I've said that!

[vvviola]

(Oh, missed the co-sleeping part. DD doesn't co-sleep, she's in a cot in her own room, but we did have many nights when we ended up co-sleeping in the spare bed by about 3am! She slept in the same room as me two nights this week & my presence didn't seem to change things much)

[humberthumbert]

Thank you. Well done, and I remember that feeling but got pregnant straight away so it didn't last long

I just want to be less irritable!! Though that may be permanent now