Help feel like im going crazy

[summer2015LB]

Hi this is my first time on here but really need some advice. Its related to my now ex boyfriend. A few month ago i had a suspicion that something was not right. I knew what username he used for one of his apps he uses on his phone and it was a very unique username. I put this into google search and it brought up alot of porn items. Two websites were adult works and xhamster the profile that used his username was a very crude picture and it was on a bed that had a duvet cover on that was very familiar to one of ours. the other was an escort sight and that user with the same name again had visited an escort in Maidstone which is one of the places my boyfriend goes to work away. I questioned him on this and he denied it all started crying and said he couldn't believe i had accused him of such things. So i let it go and carried on. However recently after having an argument over me trusting him i moved back to my mums for a week. I then went to collect some things from the house when he wasnt in and i couldn't help but look through his draws. I found a pair of women's knickers with no tags on and im sure they had been used. I had also found Viagra with 3 tablets taken in his travel bag. I asked him about this and he was furious i had gone through his things he said the knickers were for me but when they arrived he said he knew i wouldn't like them and that he used the viagra when we went away and he had drank alot. Anyway this ended things and im now back at my mums. he said he couldn't be with someone who would never trust him. The other day i went on the two websites i had found and tried to create accounts on there using his email address however when i did this it said that the email address is already registered i can also see that the accounts have been deactivated. Surely if his email has been registered its got to be him? He denies it all and is saying that i am sick and need help and that he is totally crushed i would accuse him of such things. i am starting to question my own sanity and i know his family will thinks this is all down to me.

Any advice or help would be great. feeling really low at the moment

[mummyofonesofar]

If his email address has been registered then yes he is on the sites. Though I am not sure your behaviour is normal in a relationship. You have options:

1. either you have to believe him and give him some space and stop snooping
   
2. ask him to admit it and stop or you're gone
   
3. Don't believe anything he says because he is clearly a lying creep and move on!
   
   I am assuming that it is his house here - If someone is making you that suspicious and you feel the need to go into their house when they are not home and snoop through their drawers then you shouldn't be with them anyway. If he is now your ex boyfriend then why are you still googling him and trying to catch him out.
   
   I think you need to just move on.

[summer2015LB]

It is not his house it is our house we rented it together and i was collecting some items of mine, i was still paying all the bills. The problem is that he wont admit to anything that i have discovered and is making it out to be me with the problem. I do want to move on but its hard when somebody has basically lived a double life for the past five years and wont admit any wrong doing