He doesnt want the baby

(11 Posts)
Losingmyboy Tue 24-May-16 20:39:34

vent alert
So we found out last week I'm pregnant with an Depo baby...

My partner hasn't taken it well. His response initially was well he would just have to get on with it and it was the worst news, he doesn't want it - he doesn't want children now

I think he would happily accept an abortion. He's already incredibly cold with me, when I say I'm tired he makes out he's the same, when I'm nauseous, he says well go be sick then. He has no empathy for how this pregnancy is making me feel and is doing nothing to support me.

I feel blamed for getting pregnant, but then I had the Depovara, I did my part.

I can see myself either faced with having no support from him and going this alone or having an abortion, because he won't change and I am really looking at him in a different way.

timelytess Tue 24-May-16 20:41:13

You've stated your choices. I think you've assessed your situation very well.
flowers for whatever you decide.

LineyReborn Tue 24-May-16 20:43:07

Hi, OP.

You may want to think about moving this to Relationships or Pregnancy Choices?

What is it that you feel you want to do? Sorry you are going through this.

Losingmyboy Tue 24-May-16 21:00:34

I don't know how I will cope with an abortion, but I feel I don't have much option. He is so cold and uncaring lately, I never get any answers and he has no interest in talking. I am in a bad place with this all :-(

Line you are probably right about the topic, possibly better in Relationships or Pregnancy Choices

LineyReborn Tue 24-May-16 21:03:29

You'll get more responses, OP, I think.

teablanket Tue 24-May-16 21:06:40

Never let people make this choice for you. You do have options -- bleaker than you'd like, I'll admit! -- but they are there. flowers

laurenwiltxx Tue 24-May-16 21:13:00

If an abortion isn't your idea or something you feel comfortable with I would say don't do it, men tend to be cold and quiet when these situations happen but ease up along the way (no guarantee), my suggestion would be a firm word that sometimes things happen and usually for a reason even if one isn't obvious at the time. Don't pressure him to feel comfortable straight away and don't expect yourself to easily except his cold shoulder because your pregnant and control of emotions will not be your strong point. Do what you think is best not what seems best for him at the time cause things can soon change. You know your relationship the best. I wish you the best of luck whatever decision you make flowers

Fluffy24 Tue 24-May-16 21:16:42

I'm unqualified to comment and maybe he's a total cockwomble but... Is it possible he's actually a decent bloke who's not coping well with the biggest shock of his life and he just needs a bit of time to get his head around things? I wouldn't rush to write him off yet, though I know it's easy for me to say that.

flowers

Losingmyboy Tue 24-May-16 21:24:27

Lauren & Fluffy.... totally valid points.

He does not deal with stress at all, but he is being completely horrible and hurtful to me and I am struggling to cope with that. I could go on hoping it phases out, but there is no guarantee and I will be lumbered with baby number 4 on my own (three kids to previous marriage). I could only go through with an early abortion (I am only 4 weeks) at a very push, never could it be surgical for me - so I feel pressured into making a decision.

I have to be fair on my three kids, would a fourth on my own put too much strain on me and would this be unfair on them?

He has been off for a while, he has because so sarcastic and horrible lately, I struggle to have any respect for him anymore and I do not feel safe and secure in this relationship, I feel like he will walk at any moment.

Talking things through is NEVER an option, it always just ends up him saying 'whatever' and if I ask him how he's feeling he says 'don't know' or 'don't feel anything'

I just need someone by my side if this is going to go ahead, I want to keep my baby, I don't want to feel like my only option is to end the pregnancy xxx

Wheresthewine36 Tue 24-May-16 21:29:27

If YOU don't want to have an abortion, don't do it. You should never feel forced into it by someone else's behaviour.
Have a really good think about what you want. If push comes to shove, can you parent the child without him? Being a single parent is hard but very far from impossible. I was in a similar situation with my first baby. It was made very clear to me that an abortion was his preferred choice. So I made it very clear to him that being a single.parent was MY preferred choice.
If you decide you want to keep the baby with or without him, give him a simple choice - stop.behaving like a petulant child and start supporting you or leave. I'm sure the pregnancy came as a shock to him...but it was a.shock for you, too, and you're not blaming him and his sperm! Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.xxx

Losingmyboy Tue 24-May-16 21:38:24

Thank You... Sadly single parenthood isn't an easy option as I have a medical condition which complicates things :-(

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