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Not wanting an abortion ;(

14 replies

Susieb333 · 05/01/2014 09:58

Hi I'm 24 years old and my partner is 26 years old. He has a child from a previous reletionship. I've just found I'm pregnant. I'm half way through university and he works full time earning22,000. He doesn't want the baby and thinks we should live our lives first, but before this he wouldnt even go away on a weekend break as he felt I was making him choose between me and his son.i know he is right but I had an abortion when I was 19 as I was too young and that dad was an idiot. I really dnt want to do it again. I just want to know if I am wrong about this? If I choose to have it il be doing it alone with no support.

OP posts:
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Mogz · 05/01/2014 10:07

Susie it is your body, your life and your decision. Perhaps you could speak to your GP or someone at a sexual health clinic for some guidance so you can work out what it is you want.
Best wishes.

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jamtoast12 · 05/01/2014 10:27

Susie I've been there in a similar situation and whilst it is your choice ultimately, I really do agree with your boyfriend. You're both so young, you're studying so not in any secure position to have a baby and he doesn't want one. If you do this, whilst you will hopefully get support from family etc, you will be making a choice which will change your life forever.

Under your circumstances, your boyfriend is thinking practically I think. I understand your worries etc as it's an awful situation. Ultimately I'd make my choice based on being alone...don't base it on your boyfriend changing his mind etc as that may not happen.

Take care

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Willow33 · 06/01/2014 00:41

Susie honestly you need to be getting advice on this from people who really know you well. However, I personally agree with you and understand that you would want to keep this baby. I feel life is precious. I hope you make the best decision. x

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NorthernLurker · 06/01/2014 00:47

Absolutely, you need support in real life for this decision. As you're at university you should be able to access support offered by your Students Union. There is no right or wrong here. You just have to pick the choice that you can best live with. No choice is easy, no choice is likely to be regret free but one choice will come to be the more obvious route for you and that's how you know what to do. Wishing you all the best.

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Aristophanes · 08/01/2014 22:42

Hi Susie
I would encourage you to make contact with your university counselling or wellbeing service. They may be able to offer you an urgent appointment to support you. This will be non-judgemental and impartial.
best wishes

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BlizzardInWales · 02/03/2014 12:54

Hi Susie.

I had one at 19 and I don't regret it. However we got pregnant with our son just before my second year of Uni. I won't say it was simple, but I completed the degree! There is so much support out there! If you want to keep this baby, then do so!

My husband earned less than your partner when Fin was born and we still made it work. It was so worth it. Really.

Xx

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alita7 · 11/03/2014 19:06

Don't do anything you don't want to do!

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jellybeans001 · 14/03/2014 20:12

I value life as well and think that if you want to keep it keep it their is never a right time for anything. You have been blessed with a beautiful baby keep it.

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Emzzy26x · 06/04/2014 12:25

Hi lovely
I had a termination 3 years ago at 19 also I was in my second year of uni, I still lived at home with my parents ( so did my partner) I only had a part time job on my days off... even though my partner was earning a full wage at the time and still is... we weren't at the right stage for a baby... So we felt it was the right choice for us
On the other hand... one of my friends, who was on the same course, also fell pregnant, she decided that she would carry on uni until baby was due, take a year out and then return after her gap year :)
You have options! Talk it through and decide what's best for you! Abortion can be a difficult decision to come too... Think about you :) its your body! Your baby!
X

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GimmeDaBoobehz · 06/04/2014 12:31

If you want to have the baby there is help available for you.

I wont say that it's easy because it's not in any which way, but having a baby can be a very amazing thing if that's what you want.

I'd go to your uni counsellor. There are lots of things available to help you finish uni (distance learning, uni crèches etc) so you wont have to just decide either your course or the baby, it often doesn't have to come down to that.

If your boyfriend didn't want the baby he should've put something on the end of it (I had to quote Jeremy Kyle but he's right on that one). I know that women should use contraception too but as he's the one so keenly against having a baby then he should take responsibility for his own contraception. If he hasn't, it's his own fault. It also doesn't mean he wont have to pay child support because he will most likely, even if you are not together he will have to put some money towards the baby.

Surely I'm not the only one thinking that a man who accuses his girlfriend of getting in the way of him and his son for just wanting a break away is a bit of a nasty piece of work anyway to be honest.

I'd make this decision as if you didn't have a partner. If you still want the baby, I'd definitely look into the options wrt university. If you'd rather not, I'd see how far along you were and what the options were from there.

I'm sorry you are in this position Susie it must be really dreadful.

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PrincessBabyCat · 24/04/2014 05:51

When we first got pregnant we thought about aborting because we're both broke and the pregnancy came at a terrible time. We kept the baby, got lots of support from family. When she finally came I was so glad I kept her.

Do what's best for you. If you keep the baby you will never regret it, if you abort it you won't know what you're missing.

But make a choice that you are comfortable with, your boyfriend may not always stick around so don't make the choice for him. Make the choice for YOU. :)

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impatientlywaiting14 · 10/05/2014 17:20

Hi Susie I really feel for you, especially as you have gone through a previous abortion. I agree with others, make this decision for you not anyone else, not even your partner. I agree that it seems the wrong time at the moment with uni and your partner is thinking practically.

Having said that, it was both your responsibility and you had equal part in creating your baby so he should be more supportive of you and consider what you want just as much as his own needs.

You have said you know you will be doing this alone so i'm assuming you know that should you go ahead, your partner will not stay in the relationship with you. My concern is that if you go ahead with the abortion you may find the relationship does not pan out out anyway, whether that's because he is just not the person you thought he was or that you realize you were pushed into doing something that you did not want to do and feel resentment towards him.

Then you will not only be living with the regret of (another) abortion but also that you gave up a baby for someone that you are no longer with.

I really don't mean that to sound unkind or upset you Susie.


I have wanted children for a very long time and my partner had wanted them from the start of our relationship (8 years ago). I started to feel ready at 25. But I put things off because of it wasn't the right time financially as we had both had bad luck with work and had both only just got new full time jobs. Then we started planning a wedding then family problems arose. Fast forward 3 years later i am now 28 years old.

Last year I was made redundant from my job i had had since i was 25. I also suffered health issues and found out last year I have Endometriois which affects fertility. The thing that really affected me was not being made redundant, although that has been tough financially. It was finding it out i have something which means i may not be bale to have children or will struggle to. I felt like i could kick myself, as i had put it off waiting for the right time financially and because of all the what ifs.

I have had 2 operations in 9 months so have not been up to starting a new job until now and have started job hunting again. I am in no better a financial situation this year than last year (before redundancy) or when I was 25 as there is always something to pay for whether it be a wedding, a funeral or redundancy (had all three in 3 years). Me and my other half decided to go for it and no longer put if off. Only last weekend my sister had a conversation with me regarding finances as she thinks we should at least hold off until i have been in a new job a year to secure maternity pay.

This week I have found out I am pregnant and as nervous as I am about the finances I couldn't be happier and know we can make it work. We will doing it on my partners wages alone and he earns less than your partner.

I know your situation is different in that your partner does not agree or from what you have written support it. So its a much tougher and i imagine more nerve wracking situation. How much longer have you got to go with uni? As others suggested is it possible to take time out then continue it later. Please speak to someone outside of the relationship like a gp or better a trusted person/form of support at uni.

As princess said if you keep the baby you will never regret it. Regarding if you were to abort only you can know how you would feel. Do what you feel is best Susie. I really hope you are ok and wish you happiness and all the very best in what choice you make.

Look after yourself
xx

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meditrina · 10/05/2014 17:23

The thread started in early January.

Assuming the poster is in UK, the decision must have been made by now.

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DeathMetalWifey · 18/06/2014 21:58

It's your decision, not his. Wanting to "live his life" is make code word for "I don't want the responsibility". It's insensitive of him to suggest an abortion when he already has a child of his own!!

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