Dilemma - should I offer baby things again? what else can we do to help?

[melpomene]

One of dh's best friends has died in an accident. His wife is pregnant with their first child.

A couple of months ago, I was getting rid of some baby equipment, including cot, and offered it to our friends. They said no, because she wanted to buy everything new. But now the situation has changed so drastically, I'm wondering if I should ask her again if she'd like us to pass on any baby equipment or clothes. But then I'm worried that might offend her or make it sound patronising, like she's being treated as a charity case IYSWIM - because she was so clear before in saying they don't want second hand stuff.

I don't know her very well, so it's hard to know what else I can do to help.

Horrible situation.

[goingfor3]

That's so sad. I would mention to her that you still have the baby stuff as you haven't got round to giving it to anyone esle and ask if there is anything she would like. I'm sure she'll appreciate you thining about her.

[goingfor3]

That's so sad. I would mention to her that you still have the baby stuff as you haven't got round to giving it to anyone esle and ask if there is anything she would like. I'm sure she'll appreciate you thining about her.

[fibernie]

That is very sad. Is the baby due quite soon? Maybe you could hang onto the things until closer to her due date or after the baby arrives? I'm sure that buying things for a new arrival is no longer at the front of her mind.
Awful, just can't imagine...

[dd666]

you must be really nice person thinking asking again closer to the time baby due

[Anonymama]

How sad. All you can do is keep in touch with this woman, offer practical help where you can (e.g. accompanying her to any antenatal appointments), keeping in touch with her, and being open to talking about her loss - if that is what she wants.

A friend of mine lost her husband in tragic circumstances a few years ago, and found it hard when people she knew crossed the street rather than talking to her. Being a listening ear as she starts the grieving process might be the best thing you can do for the moment, and hang onto the baby things for the time being if you have room.

Other MN-ers may know of specialist organisations that can offer help to your friend at this time.

Condolences to both her, and your DH, who you say has lost a dear friend.

[paulaplumpbottom]

Maybe you could see if she needs you to help with her baby shopping?

[spottyshoes]

How awful for her! My heart goes out to her. & you and your dh of course.

If it is very recent then I would wait a little while, then would approach it with a "you probably ont even want to think about things like this but I'm going to take the baby things to a charity shop tomorrow/next week, are you positive you dont want them? They are in such good condition i'm a bit loathed to take them to a shop...."

[melpomene]

Good advice and suggestions, thanks. I shall wait a while before offering the stuff. She's 5 or 6 months pg now, so still has a reasonable amount of time. If we keep in touch and invite her over for dinner etc then hopefully it will come up naturally in conversation at some point.

The funeral is tomorrow

[Anonymama]

If she has lost her husband, she is going to be in shock for much longer than the rest of her pregnancy. If you can hang onto those things, then do so. In the meantime, do call her and keep in touch with her. It's easy to put off an invite/acceptance to go to dinner, and it could be awkward, but giving her a bell, meeting her for a coffee, etc. could be a lifeline for her now. There will be days when she can barely get out of bed, and if you are around to talk to, it might help (of course, you can't force anyone to share their thoughts with you - but she might be glad of a listening ear. It will be hard for you too though.

All the best.