Mums funeral was four days ago - my f**k**g DH has no idea how I feel and we have just had a blazing row .

[CaptainUnderpants]

I am feel shell shocked by the passing of my Mum and the evnst of the last couple of weeks. I expected some compassion from my DH but this morning he told me to 'Get back to the land of the living ' .

I am still in a bit of a daze about things and am not thinking straight aswell as I normally do. I just want a quiet life and have no rows but he started this morning about me tidying up the house , I haven't been around for nearly too weeks .

I just dont want to talk to him or be near him , howver all I want is to be a bit happy , I cant deal with the loss of my Mum and a shit marriage . I really cant talk to him about it he has no understanding. my 6 yr old has more compassion than him.

[BandofMothers]

Tell him he's being an insensitive jerk and to pack it in.

Say it calmly after the argument has died down.
I often find if you do it this way they take you more seriously as it's not in the heat of an argument when people tend to blurt things out.

If you say it quietly and calmly he will hopefully realise you've given it thought and that you mean it.

I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how it must feel I would be devastated and would go mental if someone suggested I should be thinking of cleaning the house days after burying my mum.

I hope you can find, eventually, some comfort in your memories of her.
Give yourself time. Be kind to yourself. Time is the only thing that can make this more bearable for you.

[CaptainUnderpants]

I have got siblings but we are all trying to deal with our grief , I have friends I can talk to but I expected a bit moe undersatdning from DH. I have no desire to speak with him about it and that I know will only make things worse and bottle up my grief.

[filchthemildmanneredjanitor]

i am so sorry captain.

my mum says it took her at least 12 months to start feeling normal after her mother died.

2 weeks is no time at all and it's normal to still feel like you are underwater.

is there anybody who could have a word with your dh?

[BandofMothers]

Talking to your siblings may help a lot, if they want to talk. You can share memories and have a good cry. It sometimes helps to talk about the person, even if it's so painful to do so. It allows you to get it out and crying really helps too. Somehow tho it feels your heart will break as you sob it releases something inside you.
dON'T HOLD IT BACK IF YOU WANT TO CRY, EVEN IN FRONT OF YOUR DS. hE MAY GET UPSET BUT JUST EXPLAIN THAT YOU'RE SO SAD AND IT'S OK TO BE SAD AND CRY.

Sorry caps

[CaptainUnderpants]

I might speak with his mother. She only lost her mother a couple of years ago so understands the emotions , she also knows how insensitive her son can be. Somebody needs to speak with him because he obviuolsy doesn't belive me !

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

CU, im very sorry for your loss

I think that you should talk to your DH.

If he is being an arse (IYO), then if you dont tell him, how is he going to even attempt to change it?

If you dont talk to him, you are going to end up withdrawing further and further from your relationship which can only make things worse. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want from him.

If he continues to act like an arse afterwards, you've saved months of bitter resentment, havent you?

However, if he doesnt, well then thats' all good, isnt it?

[calordan]

The day of my mums funeral my DH came out of the shower, whistling. And then later that day said that now that was all over, we could pull ourselves together and get on with things, they just dont get it. And I think it scares him to think I am not in control or I am about to burst into tears, got over it pretty quickly but still remember it 10 years later

[CaptainUnderpants]

I feel so empty , it doesn't help that I am far away from home. I think I will talk to him when not I am not upset although I really cant be bothered with him but I must try.

[Jojay]

You are right. You must try.

He's been an insensitive idiot, but you need someone to lean on now, and your DH should be your first port of call. I know that's easier said than done but you owe it to your marriage to try.

[Cammelia]

for you Captain

My MIL died 9 months ago and my dh is only just "coming to terms" with it as are all his siblings. 2 weeks you're still in a state of shock and cannot possibly be expected to be your normal self.

Forget the housework, if your dh doesn't like the untidyness, he can tidy up.

Empathy can be sadly lacking in some people who haven't yet been there, I know I'll be a complete wreck when either of my parents die.

My best friend went through this a few years ago when her mother died, her dh just didn't seem to understand.

[CaptainUnderpants]

Thank you everyone

[Peachy]

captain underpants

perhaps it woudl be easiest to get your Dh tor ead www.memorialhospital.org/Library/general/stress-THE-3.html this about the stages of grief? rather than being from you and seen as critical, he could earn about grief and its progress (as could you so you can understand your feelings- isolation being part of stage 1).