Does it ever get easier?

[PigeonPie]

It's 2 years on Monday that my DTs would have been due and despite the fact that I know that had they survived they'd have been delivered well before the 15th I still have this date firmly in my mind.

I also know I'm so lucky to have a wonderful 14 month old DS and that if I'd had the twins I probably wouldn't have had him, but it still hurts so much at times. I think I'm over the worst of it and then it hits me again.

Does it get easier?

[Marina]

Oh, PigeonPie, I suppose the answer is, yes and no.
It's four years ago almost to the day that my ds2 should have been born. He died in the womb and was delivered in August, at only 21 weeks.
I too have a child now, wonderful dd, whom I would not ever have had, had Tom lived, because she is only six months younger than he would have been.
I think external influences and anniversaries bring these bereavements to the front of our minds, from the back, where they normally live now.
I have got to the stage where I was having a rubbish, grumpy day this week and only realised at 10am why that was. So yes, as the years pass, your grief becomes more closely woven into the fabric of your life after the twins, and less jarring.
But I don't think you are ever the same person again.
There is a book called "You'll Get Over It", a shrewd look at mourning and other people's reactions to your loss. For me now possibly the hardest thing to live with is that close members of my family have clearly forgotten all about Tom and never mention him at all. They are great believers in "getting over" things.
Sending you lots of love XXX

[USAUKMum]

PigeonPie, I am so sorry about your twins. It must be very hard losing two at the same time. I've just passed my third year since my Robert would've been born. And this year was better than last. Though I find the day he is born the hardest, in part because a good friend had her (healthy) son 2 wks prior to this. This year I was sad, but no breakdowns. I try and focus on my DC and not wish for what might have been. I think of him, but try not to imagine what age he will be. It is a cliche, but time does heal. My thoughts are with you.

[PigeonPie]

Thanks ever so much Marina and USAUKMum it really helps to know that it does get easier in time. In my head I know that it will, but sometimes in my heart it's just more difficult. Most of the time now I'm just fine and it's just every now and then when something or things trigger the sadness.

Today is another day and I'm feeling a lot better - so thank you.

[USAUKMum]

I think the triggers will always be there. A mum in my daughter's class lost her baby this past Aug. And the first time I saw her and was passing on my thoughts I broke into tears.