I miss what should have been. Hand holding needed.

(11 Posts)
Iwonderif Tue 09-Feb-16 12:19:11

I went and sat at my sons grave this morning. This time 10 years ago I was pregnant with him, my first. I carried him for 9 months and loved him before I'd even set eyes on him. I hadn't been to the cemetery since Christmas. It was very cold but sunny. I find no peace there. I never have & I fear I never will.

My life has been kind and I'm doing ok. I have had other children but I miss what I thought I was going to have. I haven't had a day ike this in a very long time. I'm so tearful. It's floored me and has come from nowhere. He was perfect and I'm sitting here wondering what an almost 10 year old boy held be like around the home. 10 years seems so terribly long to not have you child with you. The longer it gets I fear I'm forgetting it's almost happened.

Roll on tomorrow.

Canshopwillshop Tue 09-Feb-16 12:24:07

So sorry for the loss of your DS. There are no words that will comfort you and take away your pain, I know that having suffered significant losses myself - life is so unfair sometimes. Holding your hand today and I hope tomorrow is a brighter one for you.

NanoNinja Tue 09-Feb-16 18:48:53

I'm sorry for the loss of your perfect son. I hope you find some peace.

Iwonderif Tue 09-Feb-16 20:17:19

Thank you canshop & ninja for taking the time to reply. It means a lot. It's much appreciated.

FellOutOfBedTwice Tue 09-Feb-16 20:18:47

flowers thinking of you. Nothing useful to add but I'm so sorry.

P1nkP0ppy Tue 09-Feb-16 20:27:30

💐 and ((hugs)
Maybe one day you will find some peace, some degree of solace op x

duckfilledfattypuss Tue 09-Feb-16 20:30:31

Iwonderif I'm so sorry flowers

sugar21 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:37:42

flowers for you. I know how you are feeling, I have to do the same on the 21st. My little Daisy was only 17 months old when she died 5 years ago 21.02.2011.
I know the pain never goes does it? My sympathies to you.

Iwonderif Tue 09-Feb-16 20:57:55

Thank you to all of you who took the time to reply and send your kind words. DH in his own sweet supportive way has been so thoughtful this evening. Kind words and simply acknowledging how sad I'm feeling. It's often very hard to put myself first regarding my personal pain. It took me very much by surprise today but I've allowed myself to be in the moment today and your thoughtful words have helped immensely.

Thank you.

Iwonderif Tue 09-Feb-16 21:02:55

For you sugar21 and your daughter Daisy flowersflowers. No the pain never goes. It justs "sits" somewhere. Then pops up from the place it's been nestling quietly very unexpectedly.

I shall be thinking about you on the 21st. So very sorry.

sugar21 Tue 09-Feb-16 22:18:01

Thank you

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