Hand hold please

[Apartridgeamongstthepidgeons]

Tonight/early hours of tomorrow two years ago my dsis took her life, later on this week she would have turned 30. I'm seriously struggling, it's half term so the kids are home and I'm trying desperately not to cry. I miss her so much it hurts, all I keep thinking about is what she was thinking and feeling this time two years ago it breaks my heart.

[aginghippy]

I'll hold your hand partridge. It's really hard when you feel you have to keep it together for the dc.

My cousin committed suicide 9 years ago. I always say she was too delicate for this world.

[Apartridgeamongstthepidgeons]

Thank you aginghippy.

I've had a chat and cuddle with the dc and explained why I'm sad.

Sorry about your cousin

I think it was Robin Williams psychiatrist who said something along the lines of "life isn't for everyone" it may sound defeatist but it resonated with my dm and me regarding my dsis, she suffered for so long

[tilliebob]

how awful for you - I can only imagine how much you miss her.

Holding your hand tight X

[Apartridgeamongstthepidgeons]

Thank you Tilliebob

I can't even begin to explain how much I miss her, just wish I could give her a cuddle and tell her how much I love and miss her one last time. I can only take comfort in the fact she's at peace now and not suffering.

[DeeDee1981]

I'm sorry to hear this Partridge, my best friend has done the same only this week. I too am feeling shattered for keeping it together for my DC. October half term will always be filled with memories from now on. I'll gladly hold your hand if you will hold mine.

[CoodleMoodle]

I'm so sorry OP, and to everyone else

My cousin committed suicide two years ago. It was a huge, huge shock. I'm still in disbelief, and still don't know how to feel about it. It's very hard. We weren't terribly close (big age gap) so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Holding your hand OP.

[Apartridgeamongstthepidgeons]

Thank you for the kind messages, today would have been her 30th Birthday, she hated her birthday being Halloween (may have something to do with me saying she must be a witch if she was born on that day when we were kids oops )

Thinking fondly of the last birthday i spent with her three years ago (she died a few days before her birthday two years ago). She was really excited and wanted to do fun Halloween things with the kids, bobbing apples etc.. we went in my dd's room and was telling spooky stories in the dark with my dd's minnie mouse torch. My DH burst into the room with a towel on a stick making ghost noises and scared the crap out of us all but soon after we were creasing with laughter. I can picture her face clearly and her laughing, I cling onto those memories.

Not really writing this to anyone just nice to write it down really and remember the good times

[aginghippy]

[DeeDee1981]

i know you would have had tears, but i hope you have had some good memories for your sisters birthday. xx

[Justaboy]

Apartridgeamongstthepidgeons I know what that's like as my poor first wife took her own life under tragic circumstances. I can only think that she had at least lived a bit and left behind a fantastic daughter. It was a long while ago now but i still think of her when the anniversary of that sad Summer day comes around as well as her birthday.

Go and have a quiet cry somewhere and remember as you do and will always, its nothing at all to feel bad about expressing grief like that I've done it so many times.

Here have a great big (((HUG))) and of course hold my hand your more then welcome bless you:-)