I want my mum!

[UpUpAndAway123]

Don't know why I am posting but just needed to get these thoughts down. Just been one of those days!
My mum died earlier this year after a relatively short illness. She was my best friend and I miss her so much.
Today has been hard as I received a response letter from hospital regarding her care (6 months after I sent it) and the letter failed to answer any of my points. I have been waiting for that letter for months, just for some closure and to honour her memory.
A video of her then came up on Facebook and I just wanted to jump in! Sometimes I even forget she is dead and try to ring her.
I just feel like a victim at the moment and I don't want to feel this way. I often feel like a child as I wish and crave for something that I know I can't have. She just had so much life left in her (she was in her early 50s) and I just feel she was so cheated. Why her? Why not someone else?
I did have a good dream about her last night where I actually felt her hug which is always a positive!
Anyway, sorry for the ramblings and thanks for reading. Things harder at moment as tired and hormonal from a baby and pregnancy! x

[LiDLrichardsPistachioSack]

Oh love. That sounds so hard. It must be so painful to lose your mum. I'd be in pieces if I lost mine. I know it will happen one day and when it does I hope she will hug me in my dreams too.

What was she like?

[BifsWif]

I'm so sorry you've lost your lovely mum. It's still so raw, don't feel bad that you feel like a 'victim'. It's such a cliche but the only thing that will help heal the hurt is time.

I lost my little brother very suddenly and someone once told me to imagine grief as a tennis ball in a glass, and think of the glass as my life. It filled the glass and there was no room for anything else in there. As time has gone on, the glass has got bigger - although the tennis ball remains the same size, there's more room in the glass for other things, things that make me happy. It's the best way I can describe time being a healer, your pain won't lesson but you will learn to live with it somehow.

Maybe the dream was your mum coming to let you know she's ok. I hope it gave you some comfort

[Luckyfellow]

I have this. It's been 3 years and it is still the same. A gaping hole. We've both been very lucky to have a good parent we've been close to. So many people never experience that. I have learnt to be grateful for that when the loss is overwhelming. I wish you well.

[UpUpAndAway123]

Thanks everyone.
LiDL-she was similar to me in many ways. Same profession, academic, intelligent. She was just always there for us (I have 5 sisters the youngest being 14). As I got older she became my friend as well as my mum and was a fantastic Grandma. I really do appreciate everything she did for me, we had a fantastic childhood and I am grateful to her for making me the woman that I am.
Bifs - I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your analogy. From feeling like I would never be happy again, I am in a different place to where I was 6 months ago. And I don't think it sounds cliché and most people who have experienced loss have told me this.
Thank you Lucky, your words make so much sense. I am also sorry you have lost your mother.

Well today is a new day and I feel OK. It all just seems unreal sometimes. Hope you all have lovely days x

[G1veMeStrength]

UpUpUpandaway, I'm so sorry. Your mum sounds awesome. for you.

[seeminglyso]

I just wanted to say hi, I lost my mother three weeks ago and to be honest still in a lot of shock. It was sudden and due to medical mismanagement - I am waiting for the hospital response and feel I need it for closure and I am really hoping they don't give me a load of bullshit and cover up. Mum was only just 63 and I am also pregnant and she was really looking forward to the baby. I feel no joy about the pregnancy now and just yearn to have her back. I just cant imagine ever feeling happy again. x

[Oly5]

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry. If you're unhappy with the hospital's response you could write to the parliamentary health service ombudsman. Or contact a solicitor. I'm so very sorry your went through this. I can imagine you feel no joy but when your little person arrives, your mum's spirit will love on through them xx

[MrsmummyWright]

I want my mum too.

Im really sorry to hear you didn't get your answer is there anyone else you can contact to get the answers

[Mouseface]

Oh sweetheart, that sounds so very tough. I too lost my Mum suddenly, in fact I had her in my life just 14 short hours before she lost her battle against cancer, a cancer I knew nothing of.

Anyway, this is your post, not mine but I wanted to say that it is ok to forget sometimes. You're not alone, I'm sure of that. Give yourself a break, never feel bad for forgetting. Wanting to jump into that video makes perfect sense. I can understand that the urge to hold her, hear her voice next to you, smell her smell again, feel her hold you, touch your hair reassuringly again, it's all so overwhelming isn't it?

Have you contacted PALS at the hospital that you're mum passed? They could help get you a better reply.

It's so hard when you need closure to move on. I'm so sorry for your loss, don't give up. PALS could also point you in the right direction if they can't help you directly. Take care xx

[Wisteria1979]

My mum died 18 months ago. I still have days I feel like a victim, and unreasonably upset at the unfairness of life. I feel jealous of people with both parents. How I grieve for the amazing person she was and how much I wish she had more time to be the grandma we both would have loved her to be. (She died when my first was 7 months and was very ill for most of his life). She was only 56 and had so much more to give.
But the solid foundation it sounds like your mum gave you and your sisters will be there forever. Take comfort in how great she was and how much she taught you. When you are having a good day maybe put pictures and stories together for your children?

[QueenFuri]

My mum died on Wednesday were so close, she was my everything, she was like a second mother to my boys before she got sick. She was an alcoholic and made my life a misery when I was younger but I don't think about that all I know is she was wonderful and beautiful, all I want to do is hold her hand. I have just emailed the hospital too about a complaint over the treatment she didn't receive and should have.

I am sorry for your loss x

[UpUpAndAway123]

Hi Everyone,
I didn't realise there were more comments until today.
seeminglyso I am so sorry you are going through this and I completely understand how you feel regarding feeling as if you will never be happy again. My sister had her first baby a few months after mum died and she had the same thoughts and feelings. She has really enjoyed her baby though and has had happiness in spite of everything. At first you think you will never be happy and wonder how you can go on; but you will. Yes there will be some really tough times but there will also be happy ones. I hope you are well in your pregnancy.
mouseface, oly5 and mrsmummy thank you. I am meeting with a doctor to discuss everything further and to get some answers and then hopefully I can put a line underneath it.
queenfuriI am so sorry for your loss and sincerely hope you get answers. I think it's only human to focus on the good and to want to hold her. Try to take each day as it comes.

I have good days and bad days. Shit this week as my dog died which just seems to bring everything back. I have been really trying to be happy and positive but some days life just seems so unfair and I wonder what else is around the corner.
I know it sounds daft but thinking of going to church to see if I can find some solace there.

Thank you everyone for replying, your words and advice mean a lot x x