This may be long so apologies in advance! My beautiful mum who was my best friend and such a big big part of my life died just before Christmas at the age of 60. Although she had been ill, it is broken my heart. As was so much to organise and seemed harder as was Christmas, by the time the funeral was over and Christmas was dine, i had to go back to work so feel like have no time to grieve properly. In the run up to my mum dying, i spent all the time i could with her, which meant most days i would work 13 hours, come home put my young dd to bed then go straight to the hospice or her house until very late. During this time was a bit hit and miss with dh, sometimes fine, others we would argue about me not spending much time at home. When she died, i went straight to mum and dads house v early in the morning (where she was) and i had to call dh later in the pm to come to see me. This hurt as other partners were there supporting my sisters. He claimed was looking after dd. I would have got a babysitter. Its now been a month since she died and he has not once shown a sign of missing her. We have been together 11 years and she treated him like a son as his dm who was not close to died a long time ago. We have rowed every night this week as when i get upset he basically says to pull myself together and we cant sit around mourning for the rest of our lives. in so sad/angry he hasn't shown any sense of loss and is not supporting me. Ive told him this but he just says im nagging. What can i do xx
Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.
Bereavement
my mum died and i have no support from dh
heartisbroken · 21/01/2015 23:50
I feel for you. I had similar when my sibling died. I had some counselling (free) with Cruse which allowed me to grieve. Unfortunately sometimes at our darkest times out partners are not there for us. I think they don't know how to handle grief and they just want things to go back to normal when really you need some support and to be allowed to be sad. I'm not sure I have any advice just empathy , be kind to yourself , look after yourself. I got really run down and ill. Grief is exhausting but sadly what you are experiencing isn't rare. Some men can't handle things . Take care, look after yourself 
Thanks for the replies. On the whole i have coped better than i thought but when i get sad, it feels suffocating. Am so worried about lots of things and feel i just need him there for him and so angry that he's not. Im worried even if we get through this ok that i will always hold grudge now that he wasn't there voluntarily. I need my mum to tell me what to do 
When my DM died, my then husband would have given anything to have been somewhere else in the world. He did step up (identified the body for me) some of the time, but could also be incredibly tactless and thoughtless. It sounds as though your DH is not sure quite how to react, so has decided that being brusque is the best thing. Maybe your tears upset him and make him want to cry and he doesn't think men cry. I don't know. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. It is never easy to lose a parent. Take your time and grieve. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Take comfort and be proud that you were there for your mum.
I'm so sorry about your mum. I wonder if he is afraid to confront the grief that you are feeling, because it would open the door to the grief he feels about losing his own DM? he may also be finding the loss of your DM intolerable - grieving himself - and coping with it by shutting down.
for you both. Grief is so hard to negotiate. Be kind to yourself, and chat to someone outside your marriage - a grief counsellor, if you can afford it.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.