It's been 17 years next week, 27th going into 28th when I went to wake my beautiful boy, but he was 'sleeping'.
He was almost 2. A Christmas Day baby.
I miss him so much, I miss the life he should have had, I miss every single thing, of every day that should have seen me watching him grow.
But I want to offer up my years of experience to those who are new to this.
There are many of us in this 'club'. Not one of us would chose to be here, but being here helps us reach out.
Things I feel I need to tell you:
- People will tell you 'time heals' in my experience, it doesn't. BUT it gives you space, a certain distance where you can look back, and enjoy memories.
- God only gives things to those who can cope (or similar) hhhmmm this was a frequently stated thing to me. I was never sure about a 'god' and after my son dying, I was less sure a loving God could do this, that said....I think that 'life' throws things at us. I stood up, with shaky legs, and carried on
- There is no 'done thing.'. If you are going through this, my way isn't yours, neither is the way others 'expect' you to get through it. Take time out. Think about what you want, and do it your way. I insisted that my son's funeral wasn't religious, even though it happened in a church, as I said he was too young to understand religion.
But over and above the immediate stuff. 17years on, it hurts, it doesn't change. We just bury those we love within our hearts!
My 'anniversary', what I consider Jack's second birthday will be spent with my daughter (who was six months old when he died) and my mum, releasing balloons to heaven, with gift tags on with our messages!
Sorry for the long post x
