What do you wished you had said?

(13 Posts)
Roussette Sat 08-Mar-14 19:00:54

It's touch and go with a family member at the moment, she is in a coma and I'm not sure that she will pull through. Do you ever wish you had said those things that you just end up leaving unsaid and then regretting it?

If she pulls through this, I am going to tell her that her sense of humour is legendary and she always makes me laugh so much in a way that no-one else can.

And for my dear Mum - you got it totally wrong a fair bit but your heart was in the right place, you were such a good person, and I am the person I am because of you.

chattychattyboomba Sat 08-Mar-14 19:12:34

Sorry to hear about your mum and family member.
14 years ago my cousin died in a car accident. She was taken off life support after they told us she would not recover.
She was only 18. I was 15 and it affected me a huge amount. I kept wishing I had told her how much I admired her. I still think about it. I wish she had known I looked up to her so much. She was sports captain at our school, prefect, she won her scholarship, she was a devoted Christian and studying to be a sport therapist at university..and really the most positive young girl I have ever known. I remember struggling with some maths homework and I was about to give up. I felt stupid. She told me she felt that way too sometimes and the trick was just to pretend she loved it and eventually she would. I wish so much she knew what an impact she had on my life.

As for my pa, I believe he knows how I feel about him. Proud beyond measure, and proud to stand for him and our family on ANZAC day. And grateful for everything he and my nan did taking my sister and I on, and giving us security when there was none. He was the closest thing to a father I have known. I think he knows it though. Getting all teary now...

Roussette Sat 08-Mar-14 19:21:31

That's lovely chatty. It's good to hear other people's stories. What an inspiration your cousin sounds and how wonderful you can think of her in this way all these years later.

I just hope and pray my lovely cousin pulls through this because she is an inspiration to others in oh so many ways. I saw her a couple of months ago (we don't live close to each other) and I just wish I had told her what fun she was and how her humour melted everyone in so many ways.

chattychattyboomba Sat 08-Mar-14 19:33:01

Do you think she can hear you roussette?

Roussette Sat 08-Mar-14 19:38:03

I don't know. It may sound odd but because she has a young son and a very dear OH I feel a bit guilty being so upset about this. They are the ones who are really going through hell with this. The thing is... we sort of grew up together as both our parents were very close so I have all those memories that are whirling around at the moment.

chattychattyboomba Sat 08-Mar-14 19:54:57

Oh, I understand but I think you are entitled to feel upset, I'm sure no one will care who gets to be most upset and that's the thing about tragedy, you grieve for yourself but also for those affected. She sounds like a very loved person.

LadyMaryLikesCake Sat 08-Mar-14 20:01:59

I rushed to the hospital to see my dad but he'd died before I got there. I wish I'd have been able to hold his hand and tell him that he was the world to me and he'd always be with me.

You have every right to be upset. Someone else's feelings are not more important than yours, and her family will be grateful that you're there. You should tell her. thanks

CecyHall Sat 08-Mar-14 20:08:29

I feel so glad that I was able to tell my grandad I loved him. And actually that I saw him one last time, we were due to see him on the Saturday but he was fast asleep but I really felt I should go back on the Sunday and I'm pleased that we did.

One thing I am sad about is that I'm starting uni after the summer, he liked people to do well at education etc so I would have liked to have told him my plans. But to be fair I didn't know then.

Roussette Sat 08-Mar-14 21:30:21

I have emailed her sister and I am so glad I did - not good at the moment and tshe s at her bedside but I am so glad I contacted her to say I am thinking of them all. The trouble is, we don't want to intrude in such difficult times but I am glad I did.

Lady and Cecy - it is hard isn't it...

LadyMaryLikesCake Sat 08-Mar-14 22:09:48

It is. You're family though so I doubt you're intruding.

thanks for you x sad

minglemanglemunchkin Mon 10-Mar-14 21:19:43

When my cousin was in a coma, the whole family came to be with him. We wanted to know we all loved him, let him know he was surrounded by family and for ourselves we needed time to come to terms and, in the end, say our goodbyes. His wife and parents seemed fine with that although we obviously tried to give them their own time and space.

shallweshop Mon 10-Mar-14 21:27:32

So sorry you are in this position. With my mum, I told her I loved her and I hope she knew just how much but I wish I had said sorry for taking her for granted :-( DD was only 18 months old and it wasn't until I became a parent myself that I realised just how much she did for me that I just accepted without much thought.

Roussette Mon 10-Mar-14 22:11:49

Thank you all for your good wishes.

The family (her DH and DS and Dsis) have been told there is no hope and she won't ever now have any quality of life (they were told worse but I just can't type it). I am in touch to say that I am thinking about them and as they are up the other end of the country I can't visit but they are constantly in my thoughts. What an awful situation for anyone to have to go through and make that decision.

I had a quiet private time on my own with my Mum right at the end, I have no idea if she could hear me but I held her and spoke to her.

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