I hate hate hate the long funeral wait time.

(16 Posts)
nemno Mon 11-Nov-13 12:57:49

This is the second time this year that a parent has died.The cremation wasn't for 10 days the first time, this time it's 15 days. We are in limbo, it is agony. Does it have to be like this? Is there an alternative that takes less than a week? I'm looking into a no funeral woodland burial for myself; is that quicker?

Middleagedmotheroftwo Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:41

If you're prepared and able to travel, you might find the waiting time is shorter at some churches/graveyards/crematoria than others.

nemno Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:19

Thank you for replying. I hadn't thought of using an out of area crematoria, but realistically that wouldn't be easy with other members of the family's local church requirement. But I am not inflicting this on my own DC if at all possible.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Mon 11-Nov-13 13:11:49

We had my DF cremated in S Wales, which is where he's from, and where there is a much shorter waiting list than for the crematorium in the large city where we live.

I agree though, that waiting lists are getting ridiculously long.

The other thing you could do to help is to arrange to pop your clogs in the summer, when fewer people die, so waiting lists are shorter (avoiding any heatwaves etc when deaths peak!)

nemno Mon 11-Nov-13 13:13:07

grin

Puddlet Mon 11-Nov-13 13:13:10

Could you have a burial instead? This can often be done more quickly and as crem fees have risen may not be as expensive as you think. It's worth asking the funeral director what might be possible. So sorry for your loss x

nemno Mon 11-Nov-13 13:18:10

Thank you Puddlet. I guess I'm not really asking for this time as it is in process, just having a rant about something I think is contributing to the distress.

nemno Mon 11-Nov-13 13:19:58

If the waiting times are this bad in the autumn how bad do they get in the winter? shock

davidjrmum Mon 11-Nov-13 13:23:29

Completely agree that this just adds to the distress. My FIL died earlier this year and it was about a 10 day wait which was really difficult for my MIL in particular.

It always shocks me how long it takes in UK. I'm Irish and generally it really quick. If someone dies they are usually removed to the church the following day and funeral is a day later. So within three days.

nemno Mon 11-Nov-13 13:35:15

Oh Cider if only. And I'm guessing with so little time the details don't get blown out of proportion! How much debate does the presentation of the printed order of service actually warrant?

NCISaddict Mon 11-Nov-13 13:41:59

I found the longer time useful, there seemed so much to organise and so many people to contact. My Mum died 3 days before 9/11 and the funeral was 15 days later so I think that made it more difficult to arrange things as the whole country was shell shocked.
With my Dad the funeral was 9 days after he died, the wait gave us time to register the death (appointments were quite hard to get) and also to arrange and bake etc for the tea afterwards.
I found the time after the funeral the most difficult as the help and support was all focused on the time before the funeral.

LemonBreeland Mon 11-Nov-13 14:09:27

It's an awful situation to be in. My DGM died a few years ago at the very beginning od January, and it was 3 weeks! That was interminable.

My other DGM died in August and the funeral was 20 days, not because of a busy crematorium, but because it needed to be pushed back for family members to attend out of country.

A week is the longest I feel that we should have to wait.

bigbluebus Mon 18-Nov-13 22:03:58

I couldn't agree more OP. My Dad died last Thursday. We arranged the funeral with the funeral director today (couldn't do it earlier as had to wait for Coroner) The earliest date we can bury him is a week on Friday - that's over 2 weeks after he died - and even then we could only have 10.00 in the morning, which really won't suit relatives travelling from any distance. The delay is due to the cemetery - could have understood it if we were having a cremation.
I feel sure the yearly increase of deaths amongst the elderly due to cold weather/flu/pneumonia won't have impacted yet. How on earth are they going to cope over the next few months if the wait is that long now?

nemno Mon 18-Nov-13 22:29:38

I'm sorry you are going through this bigbluebus. We have finally had the funeral and I am more clear than before that the long wait caused us more anguish. The relief once the funeral was over was immense. I agree with Lemon that a week seems a reasonable max to have to wait.

Aroundtheworldandback Fri 27-Dec-13 16:51:31

In the Jewish religion people are usually buried maximum after two days, often the following day, so I can't understand why it isn't possible generally. The only thing is that with such a quick burial, it's sometimes hard to mentally process the whole thing in such a short space of time.

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